Why nice girls end up with jerks

Many men complaint about nice girls being with jerks. They claim they are good guys and don't understand why such lovely girls can end up with guys that treat them like an object. Well as already have being in that place, no one knows the reason.

But what I can tell you is what is so appealing about jerks-not that we know from the begining. Why nice girls end up with jerks

1- They're self confident.

They know they have the looks - if don't they don't care. Don't see they self as ugly or anything. They know how to take advantage of what they have.

2- They are misterious

They don't tell you from the begining all about them nor their feelings toward you. They keep it calm and play it 'cool'.

3- They aren't clingy.

They know the other part is crazy about them, so they don't seem desperate to get her attention.

4- They like adventure

Who doesn't like adventure at some point?

5- They can fool us to get to believe they actually are good guys.

They claim to be good guys. They sometimes treat us good, or make us feel good about ourselves.

But they aren't nice guys. We don't end up for enternity with them. We were fooled.

But not because we wanted. Just because we allow it. But that doesn't mean we are mean girls. Just that we don't have such a good eye to catch them from the begining. They sometimes even tell us they are good guys, and treat good to their relatives. So you fall for that trick. For although they can be good with almost everyone, they won't be nice to girls.

And I firmly believe that at some point girls got realize of that. The thing is that what is most attractive about a guy is self confidence. And if that comes with honesty, that is a gold mine.

So, is not that we don't like good guys. We do. Is just that we love guys who play it cool. And if that ends with the guy treating us good, we won't step back. I can guarantee you, at least nice girls, won't leave you.


8|8
47|101

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Guys Said 101

  • Not so complicated. Normally they have money orower, and from that stems their confidence..

    Girls are not 'fooled'. They know the guy's a jerk... but a high-status one.

    0|0
    0|0
  • So basically, nice girls are gullible? You can easily spot a jerk: overly confident, lacks manners, doesn't listen to what you say, doesn't look you in the eyes, doesn't think of you as in the same level as him... Just like it's easy to spot a mean girl, it's easy to spot a jerk.
    It's your fault you fell for that guy, there's no way to justify it, you're the one to choose who enters your life and who doesn't, and if you need months to know he's a jerk, you either don't know nothing about body language, or you're too gullible.

    1|7
    0|0
  • I think your take is accurate, though I'm not sure if it's clear enough (not blaming you, its a messy issue) to help 'nice guys'.

    How do you reconcile:
    "And if that comes with honesty, that is a gold mine. "
    with
    "They don't tell you from the begining all about them nor their feelings toward you. They keep it calm and play it 'cool'.

    These seem to contradict. And I'm sure the 'girls like jerks' guys are going to suggest that in fact, women prefer the latter.

    0|1
    0|0
    • I wasn't refering about feelings thought. At the begining is better not to know. I was talking about being honest in general.

    • Show All
    • Yes. Exactly. At some point we do want to know what are the feeling. And that is part of being honest. But at early stages is hard to take it.

    • Then I wouldn't tell nice guys you like honesty. It doesn't seem like a plus to you. In fact you want a guy who isn't a piece of shit, but is mysterious and plays a little hard to get (which jerks do naturally because... they don't care...)

  • The answer to your Take can be narrowed down to this:

    These "nice girls" aren't doing the picking of the guy, they are letting the guy pick THEM!

    Girls need to be more proactive and CHOOSING their own guys, instead of sitting around being "chosen".

    1|5
    1|0
    • I think this is true. And to extend I would say they don't need to be assertive necessarily. They just need to make themselves available. Nowadays it isn't culturally acceptable or legal for men to just take what they want unlike the past. So until or unless that changes women have do their part as well.

  • I know a real sweet girl who ended up dating two jack asses in a row. They were very nice in the beginning and then showed themselves. She was just too nice to break up with them but thankfully she did, eventually. Makes me worry about her in the future.

    1|0
    0|0
  • This is nice and I want to be a good guy but an exciting and interesting guy as well.

    0|0
    0|0
    • this is a very delicate dance. when you get to a point where you start having consistent success with woman, you begin to care very little about each individual woman. it's kind of sad that you have to choose between getting laid or caring about women but such is life.

    • That is interesting and sad but I choose caring about women personally. Even if it means I'll only get to sleep with one girl my whole life. It's just what's more comfortable for me personally...@thesweetness

  • All of the numbered points given here nothing more than parameters for illusions. These are just specifications for play acting! Confident, mysterious, not clingy, likes adventure, portray being a "good guy". This is why "players" are so successful with women. They perform a staged fake personality!

    I don't think ACTUAL confidence is really that much of an issue. I have some background in boxing and martial arts. When you step into the ring and know you can protect yourself, that's ACTUAL confidence. If you are only putting on act to impress some silly girl, that's only a PROJECTED IMAGE OF CONFIDENCE that girls like. These are not the same! That's the whole idea of a stage play! Projected image and illusion! This is literally putting on a show! And of equal importance is the element of caring.

    If a man shows a lot of kindness and caring, Most women will automatically take it for weakness. And weakness is always unattractive. So it comes down to a confident image with little or no kindness or caring. That's what an effective "player" is shooting for. All this is conveyed when a typical jerk treats a woman with teasing, boorish disregard! Many women choose men based on surface illisions alone. No wonder they keep ending up with jerks!

    The problem with all this is that decent, caring REAL men who are simply being themselves are not good enough for women who only accept player illusions. So instead of finding actual worthy men, women keep finding worthy BS artist play-actor jerks! Well, the show must go on!

    0|1
    0|0
  • Lol such a stupid post. All 5 of your points are flawed. They aren't confident, they're cocky. Mysterious? Not all of them. They aren't clingy because they didn't like you to start with. They like adventure? As in good guys don't? They don't fool you, you fool yourself. Your misjudgement of what the opposite gender is made of is the reason girls fall for jerks.

    4|2
    0|0
    • I see you don't give the girls a free pass on dating jerks! Choices certainly have consequences! And as usual, it can only be guys' fault!

    • Coincidently I couldn't give less of a shit about what girls have done previous to dating me; so far as their past actions don't affect the way they are now. What bothers me is damaged girls generalizing guys and making men as a whole look like the bad guy for poor decisions they made in their life. @circlebill

    • @imnotcrearive

      Yes, I feel that women who have this type of "feminist" mindset, can never truly grow as people, and remain immature for the rest of their lives...

  • I love being me. Great post by the way.

    1|0
    1|0
  • Yeah. The real nice guys are left to clean up the mess that's in your life after the slept with all the jerks, "honey".

    Should I pay full price plus interest and penalties for a used car?
    Do you buy a burned down house, or a wrecked ship?

    The problem with "Nice Girls" is they actually aren't "nice". I tried messaging and pursuing "nice girls" and they treat "nice guys" like dirt and go for the player every time... every time. They'll be giving him a blow job an hour after they meet him. Me? They wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole.

    I'm normally not like this, but these topics are always filled with women claiming one thing when entire life experience says they really don't even try to be nice to nice guys.
    Christian women don't date Christian men.
    Christian women don't date virgins.

    The Player tells men to sleep with the "nice" ones and the Christians early and often to "Break them" because that's how it works. Technically according to her religion she isn't even supposed to date him, but he has video evidence of them literally giving him a blow job with hours of their first meeting in a coffee shop or bookstore.

    What do you say nice girls?

    You left me hanging for my entire adult life. As Jesus Christ once said, "I have somewhat against you because you have left your first love".

    I lived my life to the utmost moral standards and goodness toward others. When I had money I gave to anyone who asked of me. I treated people with respect and dignity everywhere I went, and the only thing I ever got out of it was rejection, humiliation, etc, from "nice girls": Church people, club people, anything between, you name it.

    I want to know what in God's creation I've allegedly done wrong to be treated that way?

    1|1
    1|0
    • and being a church going girl and staying true to my covenants, most guys run when i tell them that there is no sex before marriage.
      It used to bother me when they chose sex over getting to know me as a person.
      Isn't easier to go for the "bad guy", or "bad girl", most times they get into a relationship right away because they want everything right now.
      It nothing you or anyone else has done wrong, its because nobody wants to take their time anymore.
      It Sucks!

    • @Wade888 I honestly don't understand the person who wrote this article/thread, and whether it is a male or female, and from which side they are trying to approach this "take on jerks". I don't understand how someone can idolize jerks in the strongest sense of the word as to get back at good guys. I believe there is a misconception about what a jerk and a good guy is here. Maybe s/he got hurt by a "good guy" who proved to be a jerk?

  • I agree with everything said here, which is why I and many other guys have become jerks

    0|1
    0|0
  • Thank you for this my take, it was amazing. Love the fact that people take their time to help people that they don't even know. It really does make me think of who I actually am somehow.. Anyways, I have a question! Can you give a little more details about the self-confidence?
    Thanks again for this my take ;)

    1|0
    0|0
    • I know im not the person who shared this mytake but I think I'm able to help you anyways.
      When a guy is really confident he knows what he can and can't do. They don't talk themselves down.
      They are not arrogant, because that is not 'appealing'
      See it like this: you would rather date a girl that stands up straight, has a smile on and knows where she stands, right?
      Thats the same exact thing.
      I hope this helped you somehow and Im really sorry if I was just talking a lot of shit :D

  • they're always jerks in hindsight lmao...

    2|0
    0|0
  • There is a thing i have to take it Play it and throw it be carefull this is not ur toy this is a HUMAN my words for both of this genders

    4|0
    0|0
  • Number 5 isn't true at all. The only reason people get fooled is because men and women over look the obvious flaws of people they are really attracted to. So they they aren't fooling the girl, the girl is fooling herself.

    "we love guys who play it cool." Generally the only guys that will be that comfortable around women are guys that don't give a damn about the woman. The more you care about someone that harder it is to play it cool. So you just described the core trait of a guy that is a jerk to women, as being the one trait women love in a man. A man playing it too cool is one of the clearest red flags that women wanting a relationship should learn to avoid.

    The reason women end up with jerks is because nice guys are not being taught anything that even resembles strength or independence. As a result they don't develop the traits women are attracted to. Instead they are always being taught that they have to walk on egg shells, and constantly shower the woman with attention, or else they are jerks for taking her for granted. The men that don't care about women, just ignore these lessons entirely, and as a result have an easier time playing it cool with women.

    Humans are just animals, and are slaves to our base desires like any other animal. It is how our species has survived this long. In the end women will almost always go for the guy that she is most attracted to, over the guy that is going to treat her the best. Sexual attraction is about survival of the fittest, and not about how nice someone is to you. Being nice to a woman will never make a woman wet. However this is what nice guys were taught, and why nice guys will consistently fail.

    1|1
    2|0
  • Well, I would have to disagree with the fact that they are self confident. I think it's the complete opposite where they have low self-esteem. I know many beautiful girls and they have very low self-esteem. Guys will always be hitting on them, telling them they are hot, but still they believe they're ugly, or not that great looking. It makes no sense to me and I think it's a bit egotistical of them.

    Like this one really hot girl i'm friends with always goes after jerks for some reason. The guys that don't really even like her that much are the one's she likes the most because she likes "the chase". Girls like the chase, or at least hot girls do. They want someone who doesn't give them everything right off the bat.

    So this girl tells me, "i liked him. we had so much in common!" I ask, "what did you have in common?" She responds, "we like the same kind of music!" .. I ask, "Ok what else?" ...

    her response,"..." .

    SO MUCH IN COMMON OMG!

    0|1
    0|0
  • Men,

    Never take dating advice from a woman.

    Love,
    A Man

    1|4
    2|0
  • Sociopath/Psychopath/Narcissism...

    Do a little research on the human brain. Once you can understand why people do things, the chances of you being misled are sig. lowered.

    2|2
    0|0
  • I had my fair share of times where I let myself be controlled by attraction. Yeah, I admit, I was an idiot, I couldn't separate emotion (and instincts) from reason. But I'm a guy, and guys are rational beings (in general), while girls are too much of a bunch of emotional wrecks who don't even bother to do what guys do. Sluts are attractive, yeah, but they are sluts, they're no fucking good in the long-term! And seriously, if you want a good long-term partner, don't look at their confidence only! OF COURSE the guy should have a baseline level of confidence, but goddammit, why the fuck do you girls only go for confidence in a guy? It's your instincts telling you that the guy is good, not the rational part of your brain! Try to put the guy's personality into account, learn to separate emotion from reason, and you (and us men) will have less reasons to rant about! I feel like I'm the only intelligent person out there, because my criteria are 80% personality and 20% looks. The girl can be a 10, but if she lacks personality, she will basically turn into a 2! I can officially tell that I'm the only human being who finds personality attractive. I basically hardwired myself to think this way. Not only emotionally, but sexually, personality is the most important thing in a person!

    And yeah, people wear masks, and sometimes we can't see through it and fall for them, but as soon as the mask starts to fall, the person becomes less and less attractive in my eyes, because personality is NECESSARY for a good relationship!

    Men care as much for looks as you care for confidence. But, as men are supposed to be strong and tough, we learned to separate emotion from reason and "not be shallow". As society placed women as the "weaker sex", you hide being that lame excuse to justify your pathetic acts of irrationality, saying that "I can't help my instincts", while trying to justify the fact that you're as shallow as the people you hate!

    0|1
    1|0
  • In short:

    >Sloots gon sloot
    >Nice guys finish last

    This is both new and exciting... [=

    0|2
    1|0
  • More from Guys
    81

What Girls Said 47

  • A jerk tried to get with me... I kicked him to the curb as soon as his jerkiness showed (which was about a week). I kicked the loser to the curb. I don't settle for less.

    2|5
    1|0
  • Every guy I've been with have come across as down to earth, lovely guys who highly respect women. I never picked up any red flags with any of them that made me think he was deep down, an ass hole. They start showing their true colours as the relationship starts failing and they don't want you any more. Then you hate yourself for spending any time with them and being fooled.
    My ex was absolutely perfect, he respected all women, he treated me like royalty, he was so in love with me etc now he's fucked off to sleep around and he cheated on me. These guys put a mask up and fool everybody, not just the girl they're chasing. He even admitted that after nearly two years together, there was another side to him that I didn't know about, that he intentionally hid from me!

    0|0
    0|0
    • Jerks are good in hiding.

    • Show All
    • Unfortunately the part you're missing is that it isn't another side of him that is the only side. It's the side he chooses because it works for him. That's why it's good to be friends and determine what he's like before you get intimate. Also he clearly wasn't perfect. He acted like what you thought you wanted but you were wrong.

      I'd suggest you change your type because your type is lying back stabbers. This is of course assuming you aren't same way as well.

    • I'm nothing but good to guys I date. Yes I have bad days but I can accept responsibility. I don't back stab, lie, hide things, chat guys up or cheat but I get that shit back and worse. I honestly don't know what to do. I aim to date someone older than me, more mature and has respect for women but right now, I'm trying to get through this break up and appreciate being single. I just have to go through this constant shaking and stress first.

  • personally I think that girls sometimes know that the bad boys are bad but they play nice and girls love the idea of the anti-hero, the guy who is a badass but "has a good heart"

    0|0
    1|0
  • They know how to sugar coat things and then dump you like a mouldy bread.

    0|0
    0|0
  • So true. This guy played around a whole year as my friend and dumped in 16 hours. I can't trust anyone like holy shit.

    1|0
    0|0
  • This is so true.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Truth indeed. The worst is when you believe they're a good guy and then they show their true colors but its too late cause you are and believe they want to change. This is why its important to be picky initially

    1|0
    0|0
  • Well, people are always quick to judge (these are the same people who say "don't judge!" on other topics that suit their needs). A lot of jerks or bad guys don't come out and say "Hey girl, I'm a jerk/bad guy, I'm gonna break your heart and stuff lolol" When I was in an abusive relationship, the guy acted very nice at first at a time when I was vulnerable (people prey on vulnerable people, thus 'nice girls', who are perceived as vulnerable). I didn't know he was a jerk or bad guy, I perceived him as a 'nice guy'.

    However, the ones who have obvious red flags everywhere... there's 2 reasons I find that girls go for them. 1.) They understand they'll probably get hurt, but they are desperate for love, so they fool themselves. 2.) Hollywood romanticizes 'bad boys' into that "good girl changes bad boy" love story, and people believe that happens in real life, that they can change them. Rarely happens. Women tend to be more sensitive to people with 'issues', so sometimes they want to 'fix' the person. It also has a lot to do with self-esteem, that's why it's sad that people shame these girls, as it makes the problem worse.

    0|0
    0|0
  • this was fucking retarded. http://i.imgur.com/xG6UulZ.jpg

    0|2
    0|0
  • I like nice/shy guys.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I always end up talking to all the guys that are jerks like that is all I attract and I don't know why.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Side note: you're not the "nice" one, you're the easy one. Everyones nice, they just don't make it their main attraction since they have lives that give them character, independence and confidence. Honestly, nobody goes for assholes unless they're completely insecure and feel that it's what they deserve... If that's the case, you deserve better anyways!
    But seriously, the ones that claim to be hated because they're the "nice" ones depend too much on others for happiness, too avaliable, and they are the only ones to bitch and moan about nobody liking them... basically begging for pity, not real chemistry.

    3|1
    0|0
  • you are what you attract, and that is a very scary thought. Why would a nice girl be with a jerk in the first place? I was with many jerks in my life, simply because I didn't realize that I was acting like a JERK myself. I was some "jerk" alright *pun intended*. IF I look back I didn't really want a bad boy or a guy who played it "cool" as you put it, I wanted stability and thought the "jerks" who appeared to be mature could give it to me. It is such bad FAIL if you confuse "maturity" for "stability"... because half of the jerks who I thought was mature, was really immature, acting like children in the HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL of life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • most girls go for the alpha males... aka the d bags. I used to love the cocky guys bc you feel protected... thing is now I found a real man one who isn't a jerk one who is super special to me and super sweet. He makes me feel so much more safe around him than any of the d bags i was with

    2|0
    0|0
    • Alpha males aren't douchebags. Alpha males are dominant and do not need to talk loud to set the rulesrules and make themselves noticed.

      Douchebags are loud attention whores who try to act dominant and bitch like little girls if they don't get the attention their mommys told them they deserve.

    • @This_guy_here I totally agree, the "alpha males" i fell in love with, the immature "adult" jerks, were really not ALPHA they just appeared to be ALPHA, well in my search for my ALPHA male I had to deal with all the FAKE ALPHAS to know the REAL DEAL from the fake deal. I don't regret my experience with all the fake alpha males...

    • Who came up with this alpha male shit? There's men and there's wankers. What makes a man strong is decent principles and a big heart. Take my advice. It's vain men who cause women the most problems. Being vain carries a catalogue of bad side effects with it. Trust me

  • Nice girls like to be with jerks because secretly they want to be treated like shit. When you start loving yourself, you will find yourself no attracted to these kind of pricks! Better off being single.

    1|0
    0|0
    • @NeenerNeenerNeener is that now when you give nice girls the definition of innocent, naive and gullible women? Maybe you are right, they deeply long for growth, and the only way they can grow is to be treated badly...

  • I don't like jerks. Once i realize it.. i go after a nice guy.. the jerks may get initial attention but that only goes so far. If all i wanted to do was fuck... then i will fuck him up! Lol player meets player. game on!

    3|0
    0|0
  • I know right! So damn true.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Met... we stop there

    0|0
    0|0
  • Darn. This happened to me. 😁.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I do not prefer the guys who play it cool. If you like the woman than be true to and show your feelings.
    P. Bugs bunny did not enjoy chasing roadrunner! He wanted to catch him ot chase him.

    1|0
    0|1
    • i see you got a down vote by someone who finds more joy in the thought of the chase, than the actual possession... I wonder if they ever actually catch their partners, some live married lives, ever "evading" the true claws of their partner - even if they sleep in the same bed, they live worlds apart, and only (if only) know a figment of the person they married... because that is how they choose to see their partner, as someone unattainable, In my opinion it screams IMMATURITY, and the unwillingness to have a real relationship with their partner.

  • More from Girls
    27
Loading...