Why nice girls end up with jerks

[palomajoa]

Many men complaint about nice girls being with jerks. They claim they are good guys and don't understand why such lovely girls can end up with guys that treat them like an object. Well as already have being in that place, no one knows the reason.

But what I can tell you is what is so appealing about jerks-not that we know from the begining.

1- They're self confident.

They know they have the looks - if don't they don't care. Don't see they self as ugly or anything. They know how to take advantage of what they have.

2- They are misterious

They don't tell you from the begining all about them nor their feelings toward you. They keep it calm and play it 'cool'.

3- They aren't clingy.

They know the other part is crazy about them, so they don't seem desperate to get her attention.

4- They like adventure

Who doesn't like adventure at some point?

5- They can fool us to get to believe they actually are good guys.

They claim to be good guys. They sometimes treat us good, or make us feel good about ourselves.

But they aren't nice guys. We don't end up for enternity with them. We were fooled.

But not because we wanted. Just because we allow it. But that doesn't mean we are mean girls. Just that we don't have such a good eye to catch them from the begining. They sometimes even tell us they are good guys, and treat good to their relatives. So you fall for that trick. For although they can be good with almost everyone, they won't be nice to girls.

And I firmly believe that at some point girls got realize of that. The thing is that what is most attractive about a guy is self confidence. And if that comes with honesty, that is a gold mine.

So, is not that we don't like good guys. We do. Is just that we love guys who play it cool. And if that ends with the guy treating us good, we won't step back. I can guarantee you, at least nice girls, won't leave you.

[thecd1979]

reading through the comments I can see a lot of the "nice guys” aren’t liking what you are telling them. I used to be one of them when I was younger and it took me awhile to learn that confidence and behaving like a challenge is what is attractive and not being clingy and annoying. The guy that is more on the “bad boy” side isn’t afraid to speak his mind when something is bothering him or he doesn’t agree with something, he will stand up for himself and what he believes in, he is sure of himself and knows who he is, that is confidence and these guys have those qualities that are attractive. I know that a women that respects herself won’t put up with a guy that treats her badly for long if she was charmed into getting with a guy that truly is a jerk. This is something the whiny nice guys need to understand.

[acka72]

Best answer!

[Starfishlover]

A jerk tried to get with me... I kicked him to the curb as soon as his jerkiness showed (which was about a week). I kicked the loser to the curb. I don't settle for less.

[CasaNorba]

Finally! A smart woman that decided to follow her logical instincts! 🙏

[Starfishlover]

And you know what, some moronic girl downvoted me.

[kholland65]

I don't think this has ever been an issue of understanding why women like the "jerks/bad boys". By now I think we've established the characteristics that make those types of guys attractive. The disagreement lies I believe in how we feel about view this realization.

Women talk about it, like it's this cute little mistake. These reasons for falling for a jerk, seem to make it a justifiable by there mere existence. Even #5 alludes to this. Women feel that they've ultimately been manipulated into a relationship with such guys and should therefore should bare none of the blame when things go south. I think this can be boiled down to one thing. Lacking accountability.

That said, I understand a women's tendency to end up with guys like this. I would react similarly if the tables were flipped. What I'm specifically talking about is #1. While some guys are just plain nice guys, some "nice guys" are just dweebs who lack any confidence or reason to warrant them having a GF. I sympathize with the only former. If a guy does have confidence, doesn't work on his social skills, isn't intelligent, and all around lacks any marketable qualities, then just being nice is not a reason alone to be entitled to a GF.

However, the other items on the list really mean nothing when it comes to someone's effectiveness as a long term mate. Being mysterious or adventurous is a superficial and sexual trait. These are poor things to base your judgments on. Even further is clingyness. Obviously there is a point where a person becomes a stalker, but generally I'd say this is a positive trait. It means the person actually cares about you and the relationship. Would you rather have the opposite of cliny? How effective of a mate is someone who doesn't take you or the relationship as one of his top priorities in life?

The point is that men understand why women like these guys. We just don't understand why women seem ok with repeating the same mistake and then acting like it was a surprise.

[palomajoa]

I can speak for my self when I say I'm not happy for ending with jerks. And I never develop any relationship with them. It always ends at few months. And at first they all seem nice guys. They even claim to be. But the truth is that they never were. And what was so attractive was them not being nice. It would be awesome that a guy, who is actually nice, had a little more of confidence and wasn't trying to see if the other part feels the same all the time. I know that even good guys seek for that in girls.

[molan]

You don't even know what confidence girl. Confidence have nothing to do with being nice or not, being attractive or not, confidence comes from knowledge and experience OR plain stupidity or psychopathic tendency's.

There is no correlation between confidence and any other trait being positive or not period.

[kholland65]

@take owner - If you things guys are nice and they turn on to be jerks, I'd say shame on you. Honestly I don't think it's that hard to spot a guy who is a jerk or a phony. I think it's just by nature of being a girl, their is the added element of sexual attraction which clouds your judgment. Men are guilty of it to in different ways when it comes to judging women. We become attracted to someone and want to see only the good in them.

Us guys see it. We same the same handful of asshole guys rifle through women, and each girl seems surprised that he wasn't a class A guy. Everyone on the planet is going to put on a pretty face when they first meet you. Everyone is a nice guy when you first meet them. Rarely does someone come up to you and just an outright jerk and tell all about their negative qualities. You have to learn to how ask question, read people, and take the time to analyze the situation.

[Frost_Byte]

I think the fact that nice girls don't go for nice guys is equally the fault of both parties. The nice girls are fooled by a manipukative jerk, and they are clueless enough to let it happen over and over and over again. The nice girl need to learn how to spot a jerk when they see one. And as for the nice guys (myself included) instead of mooing around and begging girls for attention, we need to build our confidence and put on our best face. Because honestly girls love who we are, but we hate who we are. If we could learn to love who we are and show girls how great we can treat them and how much love we can get them, then i guarentee u that they will rish to your side. Girls only find the outside of a bad boy appealing, but nice guys, your inside is already appealing, so if u could just be confident in yourself and make your outside appealing as well, u will end up with an amazing woman who loves u for u. And that woman will be saved from anymore of those manipulative jerks. If guys can learn to be confident, and girls can learn not to get fooled by those jerks, then its a win for everybody!

[palomajoa]

Agree with you!

[Mysterio421]

LMFAO she spelled misterious instead of mysterious. That says it all. Again I am tired of hearing people complain. You say one thing but do another. Just like when you have an interview on what shows you watch, people will say CBS, PBS, ABC, etc. But in reality you watch Breaking Bad, The Liar, etc. Again like I always say, girls typically grow up with the whole makeover idea and renovation. They want to change the guy and fix him up. They learn eventually that they can't change him and then cry that he was a deadbeat and blah blah blah. I mean dear, who chose the 'bad boy' ? The nice guy is usually perfect in ways or a doormat. Are there exceptions to every rule? Sure, but the rule still holds. I have noticed that as women age like milk and reach 30+, out of the blue they want a reliable guy who can financially support them. They have entitlement and expectations on what he should have and blah blah blah. Men age like wine and our value increases like a blue chip stock. Especially as we build our net worth and have money, power, and fame.

[palomajoa]

A typo error. Besides, women aged like milk? Wtf is that?

[Mysterio421]

It's an analogy. Women age like milk and men age like wine. Let me give you another analogy. Men are like blue chip stocks, our value increase as we get older. Women's value decrease like a car. Once the car has been used and had some mileage on the odometer, it's worth less. You then typically trade up to a new car or a better car

[palomajoa]

Don't treat me as stupid. I now what you meant. That was misogynist. Women aging like milk would mean that age to the point of putrefaction?

[Mysterio421]

I didn't treat you as stupid, you asked the question so I answered it. Dear, what's a misogynist? I never said that. In a way, yes. Take a pint, gallon, or bottle of milk and leave it out in the open for days or weeks and you come back and let me know the results.

[PhiOmega]

1st sentence gave it away...

Another 19yr old douche with his dick in his ass, gtfo of here kid

[killerboots]

Great analogy!

[Mysterio421]

Lol Phi why are you so butthurt? You sound like a mangina tbh. What's your problem? It's the truth and it may hurt, but that's why it's sometimes called the ugly truth

[Mysterio421]

@PhiOmega

[PhiOmega]

Lol, i called it what it was bro, u is what u is, be pissed if u wanna be

[Mysterio421]

Pal, I don't get mad over a mangina's statement. "U is what u is", nice grammar there. Some logical and complete sentence alright. The irony is that you called me a 'kid'. That says it all. I don't have to say anything else.

[Wade888]

Yeah. The real nice guys are left to clean up the mess that's in your life after the slept with all the jerks, "honey".

Should I pay full price plus interest and penalties for a used car?
Do you buy a burned down house, or a wrecked ship?

The problem with "Nice Girls" is they actually aren't "nice". I tried messaging and pursuing "nice girls" and they treat "nice guys" like dirt and go for the player every time... every time. They'll be giving him a blow job an hour after they meet him. Me? They wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole.

I'm normally not like this, but these topics are always filled with women claiming one thing when entire life experience says they really don't even try to be nice to nice guys.
Christian women don't date Christian men.
Christian women don't date virgins.

The Player tells men to sleep with the "nice" ones and the Christians early and often to "Break them" because that's how it works. Technically according to her religion she isn't even supposed to date him, but he has video evidence of them literally giving him a blow job with hours of their first meeting in a coffee shop or bookstore.

What do you say nice girls?

You left me hanging for my entire adult life. As Jesus Christ once said, "I have somewhat against you because you have left your first love".

I lived my life to the utmost moral standards and goodness toward others. When I had money I gave to anyone who asked of me. I treated people with respect and dignity everywhere I went, and the only thing I ever got out of it was rejection, humiliation, etc, from "nice girls": Church people, club people, anything between, you name it.

I want to know what in God's creation I've allegedly done wrong to be treated that way?

[carmajio]

and being a church going girl and staying true to my covenants, most guys run when i tell them that there is no sex before marriage.
It used to bother me when they chose sex over getting to know me as a person.
Isn't easier to go for the "bad guy", or "bad girl", most times they get into a relationship right away because they want everything right now.
It nothing you or anyone else has done wrong, its because nobody wants to take their time anymore.
It Sucks!

[DaddyPet]

@Wade888 I honestly don't understand the person who wrote this article/thread, and whether it is a male or female, and from which side they are trying to approach this "take on jerks". I don't understand how someone can idolize jerks in the strongest sense of the word as to get back at good guys. I believe there is a misconception about what a jerk and a good guy is here. Maybe s/he got hurt by a "good guy" who proved to be a jerk?

[heavensgift2girls]

Number 5 isn't true at all. The only reason people get fooled is because men and women over look the obvious flaws of people they are really attracted to. So they they aren't fooling the girl, the girl is fooling herself.

"we love guys who play it cool." Generally the only guys that will be that comfortable around women are guys that don't give a damn about the woman. The more you care about someone that harder it is to play it cool. So you just described the core trait of a guy that is a jerk to women, as being the one trait women love in a man. A man playing it too cool is one of the clearest red flags that women wanting a relationship should learn to avoid.

The reason women end up with jerks is because nice guys are not being taught anything that even resembles strength or independence. As a result they don't develop the traits women are attracted to. Instead they are always being taught that they have to walk on egg shells, and constantly shower the woman with attention, or else they are jerks for taking her for granted. The men that don't care about women, just ignore these lessons entirely, and as a result have an easier time playing it cool with women.

Humans are just animals, and are slaves to our base desires like any other animal. It is how our species has survived this long. In the end women will almost always go for the guy that she is most attracted to, over the guy that is going to treat her the best. Sexual attraction is about survival of the fittest, and not about how nice someone is to you. Being nice to a woman will never make a woman wet. However this is what nice guys were taught, and why nice guys will consistently fail.

[Shantishanti]

Im one of those girls that end up with a jerk. I met with a guy this summer on my last night at France and we have seen each other for only 15 minutes and kissed. It was just for having fun. But I found him on Facebook, we had chatted for a while and he was always complimenting to me. Tbh, he was looking like a nice guy. Even in France he convicted me to kiss like this:
-Im so happy right now
-Why?
-cuz you are so beautiful
-Really, I dont think like that
-You are! What do you think about me?
-Dunno!
-what if I kiss you, would you believe that you are beautiful and be happy?
-Try!
And he kissed me. We were drunk ofcourse!
But I tought I could remember it as a little romantic memory but I couldnt.
He snaps me whenever he likes ( That means I snap more than him) and nowadays, he started to ignore my texts and snaps. He got bored. Ofcourse! Noone wants a long distance friend with benefits after a while! I get really angry sometimes to myself because of being too romantic and hoping to find the perfect guy. Being emotional breaks my heart, I feel so stupid.

[Arthurred]

Don't worry it happens

[Shantishanti]

So how am I going to prevent this stupid feeling?

[kheserthorpe]

What did he do that was 'jerk' like?

[Shantishanti]

He used me to be satisfied and now he ignores me. He pretend like he liked me, he was very polite and then he used me for sexting. Now he doesn't even talk with me.

[ComDom]

Firstly he could be busy or distracted so I wouldn't take that to heart. Don't let one guy being dumb tear you down.

[Shantishanti]

I dont think that he is always busy. When he wanted to snap, he did even he had to study. But he was texting me only for his satisfaction. He doesn't like me and I feel like a dumb.

[Kshppatel]

Lol I can sense a player or a cheater or a "bad guy" from a mile away. Feelings cloud your judgement. I used to not understand how girls couldn't see a certain guy and how he plays girls all the time but half the problem is the dude is damn good at hiding and the other half of the problem is the girl judges the guy based on how he makes her feel not what he actually does. Oh and don't get me started with the girls that get played and keep going back to the same guy lmao. You can't keep blaming the "bad guys." At a certain point its on you and if you still decide to go for the bad guy after you've seen the signs that you live with that decision. The bad guys aren't doing different shit to fuck with your feelings, they are doing the same shit they have always done and its on you to realize it. People need to take accountability for their actions instead of blaming everyone else. This includes "nice guys." Stop blaming women for rejecting you. Take some accountability. Obviously its something about your ass that girls don't like, lets start with the damn attitude.

[palomajoa]

I did say we allow it. I'm not blaming anyone. Just that we are fooled. When a girl get notice of a guy being a jerks, is her fault.

[killerboots]

@Kshppatel is right. Stop blaming other people for your problems Nice guys and women in general. The saying goes "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, then shame on me." Meaning if you get back with the same girl or guy expecting some type of change, then it's your fault

[misupanda]

Well, people are always quick to judge (these are the same people who say "don't judge!" on other topics that suit their needs). A lot of jerks or bad guys don't come out and say "Hey girl, I'm a jerk/bad guy, I'm gonna break your heart and stuff lolol" When I was in an abusive relationship, the guy acted very nice at first at a time when I was vulnerable (people prey on vulnerable people, thus 'nice girls', who are perceived as vulnerable). I didn't know he was a jerk or bad guy, I perceived him as a 'nice guy'.

However, the ones who have obvious red flags everywhere... there's 2 reasons I find that girls go for them. 1.) They understand they'll probably get hurt, but they are desperate for love, so they fool themselves. 2.) Hollywood romanticizes 'bad boys' into that "good girl changes bad boy" love story, and people believe that happens in real life, that they can change them. Rarely happens. Women tend to be more sensitive to people with 'issues', so sometimes they want to 'fix' the person. It also has a lot to do with self-esteem, that's why it's sad that people shame these girls, as it makes the problem worse.

[Splithead]

Well here's what I have to ask. If your a nice guy who has been told all your life not to be a sore winner or loser, not to tell women what to do, not to be confusing but to be honest about your emotions... and you buy into it, where does that leave you. Say that all this emotional vulnerability happens to actually make you feel... well vulnerable? What if you then want to, after doing such a hard thing as letting your guard down, hear from someone that thats all alright... as you were told it would be. I don't think you can give preemptive sensitivity training to men assuming that we all shift naturally toward dominant and asshole and that we will be pulled back from that side. I think we take whatever we're taught and run with it full speed. What women actually want are one of two guys

1) The Ugly duckling, who started off a wimp or loser and made himself confident.

2) The reformed asshole, who started off an asshole but had a change of heart.

These are the guys who have the most success but its kind of sad because both ways... its a really really stressful transition that a lot of guys can't make fully and leaves them with tons of issues. I don't think women really like guys any one way. You like us both, which impossible for us to start out as. you kind of demand that we go crazy at one point in our lives if we want to be successful with women.

[Anonymous]

All of the numbered points given here nothing more than parameters for illusions. These are just specifications for play acting! Confident, mysterious, not clingy, likes adventure, portray being a "good guy". This is why "players" are so successful with women. They perform a staged fake personality!

I don't think ACTUAL confidence is really that much of an issue. I have some background in boxing and martial arts. When you step into the ring and know you can protect yourself, that's ACTUAL confidence. If you are only putting on act to impress some silly girl, that's only a PROJECTED IMAGE OF CONFIDENCE that girls like. These are not the same! That's the whole idea of a stage play! Projected image and illusion! This is literally putting on a show! And of equal importance is the element of caring.

If a man shows a lot of kindness and caring, Most women will automatically take it for weakness. And weakness is always unattractive. So it comes down to a confident image with little or no kindness or caring. That's what an effective "player" is shooting for. All this is conveyed when a typical jerk treats a woman with teasing, boorish disregard! Many women choose men based on surface illisions alone. No wonder they keep ending up with jerks!

The problem with all this is that decent, caring REAL men who are simply being themselves are not good enough for women who only accept player illusions. So instead of finding actual worthy men, women keep finding worthy BS artist play-actor jerks! Well, the show must go on!

[AleDeEurope]

So basically, nice girls are gullible? You can easily spot a jerk: overly confident, lacks manners, doesn't listen to what you say, doesn't look you in the eyes, doesn't think of you as in the same level as him... Just like it's easy to spot a mean girl, it's easy to spot a jerk.
It's your fault you fell for that guy, there's no way to justify it, you're the one to choose who enters your life and who doesn't, and if you need months to know he's a jerk, you either don't know nothing about body language, or you're too gullible.

[Anonymous]

I had my fair share of times where I let myself be controlled by attraction. Yeah, I admit, I was an idiot, I couldn't separate emotion (and instincts) from reason. But I'm a guy, and guys are rational beings (in general), while girls are too much of a bunch of emotional wrecks who don't even bother to do what guys do. Sluts are attractive, yeah, but they are sluts, they're no fucking good in the long-term! And seriously, if you want a good long-term partner, don't look at their confidence only! OF COURSE the guy should have a baseline level of confidence, but goddammit, why the fuck do you girls only go for confidence in a guy? It's your instincts telling you that the guy is good, not the rational part of your brain! Try to put the guy's personality into account, learn to separate emotion from reason, and you (and us men) will have less reasons to rant about! I feel like I'm the only intelligent person out there, because my criteria are 80% personality and 20% looks. The girl can be a 10, but if she lacks personality, she will basically turn into a 2! I can officially tell that I'm the only human being who finds personality attractive. I basically hardwired myself to think this way. Not only emotionally, but sexually, personality is the most important thing in a person!

And yeah, people wear masks, and sometimes we can't see through it and fall for them, but as soon as the mask starts to fall, the person becomes less and less attractive in my eyes, because personality is NECESSARY for a good relationship!

Men care as much for looks as you care for confidence. But, as men are supposed to be strong and tough, we learned to separate emotion from reason and "not be shallow". As society placed women as the "weaker sex", you hide being that lame excuse to justify your pathetic acts of irrationality, saying that "I can't help my instincts", while trying to justify the fact that you're as shallow as the people you hate!

[sugarchateau]

Side note: you're not the "nice" one, you're the easy one. Everyones nice, they just don't make it their main attraction since they have lives that give them character, independence and confidence. Honestly, nobody goes for assholes unless they're completely insecure and feel that it's what they deserve... If that's the case, you deserve better anyways!
But seriously, the ones that claim to be hated because they're the "nice" ones depend too much on others for happiness, too avaliable, and they are the only ones to bitch and moan about nobody liking them... basically begging for pity, not real chemistry.

[CaptCrisp]

Well said.

[sugarchateau]

@CaptCrisp thank you

[Hockeylove17]

In my opinion, I think girls go for the more jerky kind of guys because they're the ones who seem more masculine. The overly sweet and sensitive guys seem more feminine, while the jerks come across as manly. It's not that we're choosing them because they're jerks, we choose them because the jerky side can easily come across as masculine. And not in a being a jerk makes you a man sort of way, it's that it can be mistaken for confidence and strength and ability to protect/provide. It's hard to explain but that's my best reasoning

[palomajoa]

Agree!

[genuinlysensitive]

Is it a cultural thing? I don't know why showing any emotion other than anger or sadistic joy at someone else's pain is feminine. I also don't know how being smart also makes you "feminine."

[ComDom]

This is the reason. Testosterone makes guys into jerks. Choice makes men into heroes.

[Hockeylove17]

Exactly! @ComDom it's all the testosterone and we take it as manly at first and later realize that they are just jerks

@genuinlysensitive it's not like girls only go for guys that are straight up rude to them, in fact, it seems like they hide their jerkiness pretty well at first so girls don't notice it. And it has nothing to do with being smart. You can be brilliant and still be a jerk.

[Hockeylove17]

Also @genuinlysensitive, if a guy is directly mean to a girl, a lot of us may take it as being playful or teasing, not thinking that they would just be outright rude. I mean we were always told the guy that picks on you in kindergarten was the one that likes you ahsici

[Hockeylove17]

*honestly oops

[circlebill]

So any man who treats a woman with teasing, boorish disregard is automatically seen as masculine and attractive. And any man who treats a woman with utmost respect, kindness and courtesy is automatically seen as feminine and unattractive. If this really is how women "think", then there is no reason for men to be anything but JERKS! If women are not capable of appreciating respect, then there's no point in giving it to them.

WOMEN SHOULD HANG THEIR HEADS IS SHAME AND DISGRACE!

[Hockeylove17]

First of all I said overly sweet. Not just kind in general. And I ALSO said that it can be mistaken for masculinity, please read my answer thoroughly before making comments like that.

[kambo_trick3y]

24.media.tumblr.com/.../...2ffJui1txb8sho1_500.gif

Personally I'm tired of the whole "nice guys finish last" and "why do girls like bad guys" shtick.

If a girl has a history of dating bad guys and getting hurt by them it tells me two things about her:

A - She's either naive or stupid. Yes, stupid. As in, lacking in observation or good people skills, the very tools that are required to discern who is an asshole and who is genuine.

B - She genuinely likes bad guys and chases them.

Either way, I see both A and B as not worth getting in a relationship with.

Don't even get me started on the "nice guys" who complain that girls should like them only for their personality alone.

People in general are just stupid in my eyes. Most of them anyway.

[palomajoa]

If a person always ends in that path, yes, that is being stupid. But not always happens that way.

[kambo_trick3y]

I'm a very strict person. I can understand if you were on the path once, maaayybbe twice, maybe. But a third time? Nope.

I need someone smarter as my life partner.

[PhiOmega]

Smart man

[Scrambled]

2 things I have to mention here. 1) Jerks or that type have those qualities that "Attract" women but are not long term material (these are just generalizations again). But the thing is, women can't fight attraction, nobody can. Once you attracted, you attracted. So the awesome nice guy hasn't got a chance to meet a girl over the badboy. This is why a player can get loads of women and still be a dick about it. You can't fight attraction... end of story. 2) This especially happens in teens and early adulthood. So the nice guy doesn't have much success growing and doesn't learn those skills that the bad boy learnt and is pretty much against it his entire life in the love game. Whereas the jerks or badboys can still get the women when they older, because they know how. Nice guys need to man the f up and be douche and not worry about women (or their opinions anyway).

[Ped1981]

Women are rubbish at judging character. They'll hate me for saying it but it's true. Men know women can be played like a fiddle. its because women are so eager to be accepted and be nice to people so they're not harsh enough and clinical enough looking for signs of a bad person. Men are harder in their approach and can spot subtle signs that a woman would miss. Befriending a man is much harder for a man than it is for a women. Once the friendship is established though it's usually rock solid. Women accuse some men of being dour or not much fun. Straight ones anyway. Men are just much more careful about who they open up to and what they let out. We can't afford to be as careless as women because the consequences are always far harsher for us. Everybody wears a 'mask' to strangers. They show us what we think we want to see so as not to alienate. You'll only see a persons true character when you are in a dependable situation with them

[FreyaDiermayr]

I find more cases of women playing men...

[heavensgift2girls]

@FreyaDiermayr I find it strange that you would try to defend women, by claiming women hurt men more often, than men hurt women.

[alphadoggystyle]

I have a question for you take owner. You say you love guys who play it cool and make it mysterious about how they feel about you.

This i can partly understand because the less you show that you like the girl, the more "fake" value you can give yourself because it makes you look less needy and makes it seem like you have other options.

But if the girl in question is super forward and makes it very obvious she wants you and saying very intimate stuff etc, personally its very difficult for me to remain calm and reserved if i like the girl as much as she seems to like me, so i end up giving her compliments in return and show equally as much affection.

I can definitely believe that the girl might have become even more desperate to get me if i showed her less affection than she showed me. But usually its very difficult for me to do that. Its a bit of a double standard because if a guy is very forward its creepy, but when a girl does it then its no big deal most of the time

[alphadoggystyle]

cont.

So i guess the question is, if you are super attracted to a guy, and you give him loads of compliments and say you want to meet him, maybe even have phone sex. Is it okey for him to be equally forward back to you? or do you lose interest then and want him to be less affectionate with you than you are with him?

Its very hard to play hard to get when a girl really wants me, especially when i like the girl a lot myself and i hate playing games in general i just want to be able to be honest, but women can change very fast in how they feel about you, and if eventually it might seem like i as a guy like the girl a bit more than she likes me it can quickly appear creepy/needy/desperate it seems, just because im a guy.

Its very frustrating but i can understand why i guess..

[palomajoa]

I'm straight foward. Is true. But just in certain point. When a girls is that way she want you to be staright foward too. It isn't cool to do it at the very first moment. That's what I meant.

[Hannah591]

Every guy I've been with have come across as down to earth, lovely guys who highly respect women. I never picked up any red flags with any of them that made me think he was deep down, an ass hole. They start showing their true colours as the relationship starts failing and they don't want you any more. Then you hate yourself for spending any time with them and being fooled.
My ex was absolutely perfect, he respected all women, he treated me like royalty, he was so in love with me etc now he's fucked off to sleep around and he cheated on me. These guys put a mask up and fool everybody, not just the girl they're chasing. He even admitted that after nearly two years together, there was another side to him that I didn't know about, that he intentionally hid from me!

[palomajoa]

Jerks are good in hiding.

[Hannah591]

Exactly, which is why it should never be the girl's fault. Sometimes it's obvious to someone that a person is a jerk but when that person is good at hiding it, charming and you're blinded by love, it's not so easy to see. Everyone around me thought my ex was an innocent soul which is exactly how I viewed him when I met him.

[TheLoverNotHater]

Kahahaha, that's why I tell anyone I date that I have another side of me that's darker before they even date me. It gives them no reason to be pissed at me later. They knew what they were getting into before they dated me.

[Kerbie]

That's horrible Hannah what he's done hope you will be ok soon.

[Hannah591]

Thanks @Kerbie

[alphadoggystyle]

Was this guy straight forward when he approached you and seduced you? or was he mysterious and played hard to get? Did you think of him as a "nice guy" from early on?

[Hannah591]

I went after him and I felt friendzoned, yet he often wanted to spend time with me. I hugged and kissed him first and I asked him out. He didn't play hard to get really, well I don't think he knew it. I wouldn't say he was hard to get. Everyone viewed him as a lovely, innocent guy. I met him when he was a virgin, he had braces and long hair but was confident. As he got his sexual confidence, his muscles and perfect teeth, I wasn't good enough; he wanted to sew his oats.

[ComDom]

Unfortunately the part you're missing is that it isn't another side of him that is the only side. It's the side he chooses because it works for him. That's why it's good to be friends and determine what he's like before you get intimate. Also he clearly wasn't perfect. He acted like what you thought you wanted but you were wrong.

I'd suggest you change your type because your type is lying back stabbers. This is of course assuming you aren't same way as well.

[Hannah591]

I'm nothing but good to guys I date. Yes I have bad days but I can accept responsibility. I don't back stab, lie, hide things, chat guys up or cheat but I get that shit back and worse. I honestly don't know what to do. I aim to date someone older than me, more mature and has respect for women but right now, I'm trying to get through this break up and appreciate being single. I just have to go through this constant shaking and stress first.

[thealphamaleishere]

Sorry but this is just a ridiculous opinion.

The answer to "nice girls" ending up with jerks is simple. THEY ARE JERKS.

Listen, you only attract reflections of yourself. Reason you don't see some accomplished and cultured woman with some dip shit she found at the local watering hole.

When someone says "nice girl" the first thing that pops into my mind is a girl who is most likely extremely insecure, has little life experience, and is a basket case.

This BAD BOY shit is played out. Most bad boys are barking little betas anyways.

[palomajoa]

So, a good girl has to have low self esteem? I don't agree with that. A good girl is someone that treats good to others and is respectful. That doesn't mean she has to be insecure and lack of experience. What you're telling is a naive girl. A some kind of princess locked up in a tower who has never saw any of the real world.

[thealphamaleishere]

No that's what you are talking about.