Love Does Come When You Least Expect It

[Hannah591]

Love comes when you least expect it

It's a common saying that you're told when your dating life is looking fairly bleak or when you show the slightest sign of dissatisfaction at being single. It's probably a saying you choose to ignore, it's just a saying that people say to cheer you up, right? Well I don't think so, it's a little more logical and it's always been true for me.

When you're waiting for something, it's never a good idea to sit and watch the clock because the time will feel slower. Most of us tend to distract ourselves by doing something entertaining or productive and suddenly the time seems to whiz by! This is the case in the world of love and it's happened every single time I've gotten into a relationship. If you're constantly on the lookout for love, the longer it will feel until you find the right one and by then, you'll probably be very dissuaded after numerous dating fails and spending your time with the wrong person. You may become impatient and bitter which will not be the true reflection of you to your potential soul mate and you could lose your chance. You may be quick to dismiss that person, believing they'll let you down too because you would've become so pessimistic about finding the one. Doing something entertaining (hobbies, seeing friends) or productive (finding who you are, making the most out of life, becoming a better person) will make the time go by quicker, whilst also being useful to you.

If, when you wake up in the morning, one of your first thoughts are about dating, pleasing a love interest, finding the one and/or feeling lonely, you need to change up your thought processes! Distract yourself with the things you enjoy and put work into reaching your goals. Life isn't all about love and being with someone. It's a negative way of thinking which could lead to depression and co-dependency. You don't want to look back on life and remember very little happy memories from your younger years, just memories of the wrong men/women you chased after.

So cross off "find the one" from your bucket/to do list and live life for you. Lose track of time and stop actively searching for love. It won't hinder your chances or permanently stop you from ever finding the one. Go out with friends regularly, visit family or go on holiday and you may just bump into someone unexpectedly that you click with. Hopefully, you'd be at your happiest because you would've given yourself time to discover who you truly are and found happiness in something other than love.

It may seem difficult to suddenly stop going in search for love, it may be second nature to you but it's not too hard to distract yourself from it all and it's totally worth it. Time heals everything but it also appears to bring love to you quicker when you ignore it, as well as shine light on the right person to date.

Have you any stories of meeting your ex/SO when you least expected it or when you lost complete sight of dating for a while?

[YourFutureEx]

"Love Does Come When You Least Expect It"
This. Each word. Exactly. Ditto.
Came to my mind 3 years ago, when I found my true love. I was not expecting any chance but I got the best memories out of it. However, it ended.

I remember, my second question I asked here that "is it bad to be single?" -the MHO I selected was "... stay focused on you and the right girl will come along when you least expect it."
While four more girls opined - "... do not rush into anything, because you want to find the right one!" ; "No of course not. That just means you are waiting for the right girl to come around (:" ; "No! It's never bad. it just means that you actually don't mind waiting for someone who you actually can see yourself with." ; "So just make sure you've got things figured out before you go looking to commit to someone."

[No negativity] Crap!
If we really didn't care, then why do we think about it? Why don't we think about rocket science? -Because we really don't care about it.
That true love, Mr/Miss. Perfect won't knock your door. You have to be aware of opportunities.

Why do we think that way?
-You never know the value of what you have till you lose it. You had love you wanted but you were expecting that, but now if you get love in your life, you will be like "yeah, someone said it true, I could never expect that and I finally got what I wanted :)"

Yes, miracles DO happen but sometimes, we have to make them happen.

Thanks for reviving my memories ^_^

[Hidden_P]

Both times I got into a relationship it was when I had given up looking.

The first was after I had become "aware" of boys. I had a relationship. We broke up. I spent a lot of time by myself coming to terms with things. And then when I had calmed and down and wasn't even looking, along came my boyfriend. Thing is, I didn't think I was ready...

I totally agree with your take :)

[Hannah591]

Same here, all my relationships happened when I wasn't interested in dating or when I wasn't looking and then they suddenly came into my life.

[godfatherfan]

OMG... you nailed that one.
I was unfortunately divorced 14 months ago. I didn't want that. When she told me she had been cheating in March of last year I flipped out. I got online and I had a date within a week. I dated from Mid March until the end of May. I realized it was just too early and I stopped. During that time I went on dates with 9 women. that includes 4 that were just the 1 'lets meet for drinks" type. the others ranged from 3 to 7 dates never lasting more then 2 weeks. I only felt a connection with 1 of them and it was the first one. But that may have been more me putting my feelings for my ex wife onto her. But I have been in therapy for a long time and certainly through the divorce period. So I continued to work through things.
I had some tickets to 4 comedy shows last August and decided to find a date for them so I didn't have to go along. maybe see if I was ready. the woman I found was nice. went on like 5 or 6 dates in August, had sex a few times. But I was still not ready. I knew I was ready in October. I just made it past a certain hump. But I waited until the beginning of December. I guess to try and delay things I got on POF and picked 5 women that, based on their pictures, were way out of my leauge. 2 didn't answer. 1 was a complete C**T and I won't even go into her reply, and I chatted with 2 of them. 1 I had a feeling about and tried to get a date with. I held off the 2nd because I won't date 2 women at once. but even though she said yes she never would commit to a date. then I just didn't hear from her. I dated the other one in January. I felt nothing for her. I honestly figured I was just too damaged from the divorce. 25 years with a woman that turns out never loved me. how can I come to grips with that. why would she stay that long and have kids with me? I just figured I could never trust another woman again and I would never let that wall down. I tried to break up with the January woman 2x and she talked me out if it.

[godfatherfan]

then a week or two before I did break it off with the January woman I heard from that one from December. she just texted to chat 2 days in a row. then I didn't hear from her again. But since I couldn't stop thinking about her I figured that told me all I needed to know about January woman and I broke it off. 2 hrs later I sent a text to December woman thinking 'why not try again". I was up front and said I didn't want to chat much when she had texted because I was seeing the other one and felt like it was cheating. within 15 min she asked me to dinner 2 days later. within 10 min of meeting her my walls were down. after our 2nd date I told my sister that if she doesn't break up with me, I just met the woman I will eventually marry. She goes to school full time and works full time. I originally decided to go out with her because I was going to wait until after winter to date again. So I figured I would have like 1 date a week or so and I would deal with things come spring

[godfatherfan]

I never thought I would fall for her so hard. 11 other women and I never felt anything. It seems she has fallen for me as well. As long as she is telling the truth, and I have no reason not to believe her. Of course I am scared because I was played for such a fool for so many years. But I am so happy when I am with her. but now she is just always busy and I can't see her much (which I knew at the start) but I want to see her every day. But she lives 42 miles away also. so I can't just drop by. I have turned down dates with women who lived a lot closer then that because I thought that was just too far. why did I pick her to even think about dating once in a while? I dont know but I haven't stopped smiling in a month and a half. she is so beautiful it blows me away. Sex is incredible. She has her quirks but I love all of them.
sorry for such a long one but this question just hit me and I had to get it out.. thanks. if anyone made it this far.

[CoverGuy]

Oops, sorry for the downvote. I meant to upvote it, but my thumb was all over my phone screen. I made it all the way, and I'm glad you found someone that special :)

[Hannah591]

I don't think you fully understood the concept of this take but I'm glad you're happy and that this take brought up some interesting thoughts.

[AleDeEurope]

I don't know if this is true since it hasn't happened to me. All I can say is that I've been single for 5 years and counting, and I've always wanted to find a girlfriend. I don't know if I never got it because I was too focused or not, maybe, since I feel like every girl I wanted, didn't want me, but those that I didn't want, did want me. Was it maybe because I was more relaxed when talking to those I had no interest? Maybe.
After I had my first relationship, I had 3 others in 3 years (1 each year), so I didn't have to wait much for the next one. I wasn't used to wait, but when I didn't find one soon I started doubting and feeling lost.

I'm trying to forget about finding a girl, I truly am, but it's not easy to just accept that you're alone. I've tried focusing on searching for a girlfriend, it hasn't worked, so now I gotta stop focusing on that, and focus on other aspects of my life, I mean, I've got nothing to lose, right? Maybe you're right and I find her when I least expect it.

Good Take ;)

[DocT1977]

Yeah, I think this is true. Love does happen on its own. It happens when you least expect it. When I found my wife, Her, nor I were looking. We had both been burnt, and we were both resigned to the idea of trying to find "the right one" as not being worth it. I went through a three year dry spell by my own choosing to concentrate on other matters in my life that needed development. At that point, I had no desire to even be with anyone as I was content with me going it by myself. Her and I met, We started a friendship with no expectations and here we are 11 years later and she wears my ring.

[Hannah591]

That was lovely. :3

[singlebee]

Awesome dude.. 👍👍

[thecd1979]

So much the truth, this is what I tell all the guys on here is to stop looking for a partner and just focus on themselves, their plans, goals and being happy. The thing is I used to be one of those guys that was always looking for someone who would get frustrated and bitter when things almost always didn't work out. I had to learn the hard way and it wasn't until I stopped looking and focused on myself and gained some confidence that things changed. It's too ban that a lot of guys are going to learn the hard way. Check out my takes. I think you will find them interesting.

[muspelhem_5]

I think this take is very typical for the times, and also deluded.

The current ideal seems to be the independent human, who is happy alone, has hobbies and goals and is vigorously pursuing them, really living, oh boy. And we all have to be that person, because otherwise we are not going to attract the right people, and we are going to leach on others.

Can't you see how ridiculous this idea is? It is based on the false assumption that one must be totally self-driven, when in reality human beings are totally dependent on each other. It is based on the equally false assumption that one must first be totally awesome before one can even enter a relationship, or else that relationship will not work. The reality is that relationships are messy and there will be problems and crises, and people will behave suboptimally, and sometimes be dependent on each other.

Why put up all these barriers for people to have anything to do with one another?

[Hannah591]

My point is mainly that it's unhealthy to be getting yourself down over the fact that you're single or you haven't found someone. I believe people should focus on themselves instead of dwelling on their love life.

[muspelhem_5]

Yeah, sorry. I was in a bad mood when I wrote that. I agree that you can't expect others to save you, and you should respect yourself etc.

I just think modern culture is very egocentric, and I think it is creating a lot of unhappy human beings. By all means personal freedom, but yeah, we're flock animals, and focusing on yourself all the time is unhealthy.

I guess dreaming of the knight in shining armour m/f is pretty self-centered too. You are right, I relent.

[Octavion]

Some people have no aspirations beyond love. If you ask them how they see themselves in the future they respond with having a spouse and kids. Guys will say they just come home from work and hang out with family. They don't necessarily care about what the job is. Many people don't care about having a career they just care about having a family.

[Hannah591]

I wrote this with those kinds of guys in mind. They've become so absorbed in finding a girlfriend that they've lost their lust for life and become almost self loathing due to their dating failures or having little interest from the other sex. I don't think it's healthy making it your number one life goal. You live your life and then bump into love as you go along, not sit around waiting for it. It's not productive.

[Octavion]

True but many of these guys might start just focusing on their other ventures in life outside of love assuming they might just bump into love along the way. However, everyone assumes it eventually happens for them when it might never happen in their lifetime. They might build up expectations that will never be realized. If love is important to them as you said it's pointless to just sit around waiting for it to happen. But it also probably won't happen unless they proactively look for it. Finding love is maybe 2/3 luck and 1/3 doing everything else right. But I do agree with most of what you said. Love has never been something that I've cared about so I feel lucky compared to other poor schmucks because they are being tortured about their desires that they don't have complete control over.

[Hannah591]

Yep, totally agree. :)

[openwide]

However true, I don't think this holds for guys, at least this is my experience and it kind of makes sense to me.

Girls (almost) never chase guys, its the other way around, guys chase girls. So if you sit around and live your life, when you encounter someone who is a potential mate nothing is going to happen. Another love driven guy will blow you off because the girl will think you are not interested ( of course if you are the only potential male in the region she might consider you, however this is unlikely ).

You seem to suggest to people to stop playing the game, this would work for girls. For guys it means they will have 0 on the score table on their name.

[SweetAmara]

I am usually a chaser, though like you say I highly doubt the majority of other women are. I chased a guy I'd known since childhood all the way through high school and a bit into college. It was silly, but at the time he was the only person I'd ever loved.

Now, my other "friend" (we went from almost-together to just friends because he isn't ready to date again) chased me in the beginning and I was the one who was hesitant. But I'm back being the chaser again, just at a distance, all because I didn't realise how strong my feelings were till it all went belly up.

[Kerbie]

ahh well Dear Hannah like you my girl Is aslo a member of the name Hannah stable as i have said before in other posts i never expected to be now love with my girl she was like a best friend to me , but i never thought i would fall for her but to be Honest I dont think my hannah did ethier so it was very unexpected and the rest pretty much dating etc and 3 years despite a micro seperation we are a very couple.

[Kerbie]

Happy couple (forgot that bit)

[Roycaryn]

Good take. The gist of it I think would be to live life as if there is already someone who already cares about how you feel and sure enough, someone like that will gravitate toward you.

[Hannah591]

I totally agree. :)

[shadowlegend]

I don't agree that you necessarily have to stop wanting to find love or think about finding love, but you should ALSO have other things that are significant in your life, whether that be a career, a hobby, family, other goals, as long as you aren't consumed by the singular thought of finding love, then why not be excited and proactive about that endeavor.

[FuFuBunnyCat]

I didn't plan or expect this last one. It blew up in less than a day. The guy and me had been friends for a year with no romantic notions at all. Never kid yourself. Love is for the lucky. Everyone else gets heartache.

[QueenofArcticFoxes]

AGREED 100%!!!

I didn't even want a boyfriend when my ex started pursuing me. Yet somehow he became my boyfriend lol. When I least expected it.

[1GuyOpinion]

Doesn't work for me lol. All my gfs was from me being proactively and seeking them out. I don't like being single so I don't wait around at all.

Dating is a number games and when I get rejected I just ask another girl. Work for me so far.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, only a woman has the luxury to believe such dribble. A man has to make it happen.

[Hannah591]

Not always.

[lonerider]

not always is for people like tom cruise and brad pitt. it is always for an average guy

[Hannah591]

I bumped into my ex when I chose to be single and it was clear we liked each other, but I pursued him. I'm not talking about meeting someone who instantly pursues you, just bumping into someone you like and you're interested in, that you connect with.

[Scrambled]

Not for some guys;) Love sometimes doesn't come at all. in fact... Im one of those who never really received this concept of 'love" in a romantic sense. So I don't really believe in it, making your take void. Im also usually on the money.

[MrLi0n]

lol... Sometimes you just gotta laugh 😌

https://i61.tinypic.com/oacbqb.jpg[/IMG]

[Anonymous]

I met my boyfriend just when I had started getting comfortable being single :P

[Random_chick_2384]

I'm comfortable! Bring on the boys! 😂😩😂

[ranma187]

Well I spent 5 years of my twenties being not interested or looking for anyone... It didn't happen. Just because a saying sounds good doesn't make it Biblically true.

[godislovee]

so I should just forget about everything and try not thinking of anything? I would quit gag, and all the internet and sleep like a sleeping beauty until someone magically come and rescue me?

[Hannah591]

You don't understand this take.

[LittleSally]

I agree that the best relationships aren't planned or even expected, but I also agree that you don't find those by not being out there and putting yourself out there...