When are women going to start taking more responsibility for dating? (Page 2)
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Have you perchance explored the non-gender-binary side to this? Or the non-hetero side?
Think of the lesbians. Then the gays. Homosexual men are far more active in both terms of sex and dating. Lesbians have a harder time with this.
What about those of the transexual community?
There may be a new perspective in these communities worth asking about.
I am on your side. Women and men should share this responsibility. We get rejected often, but there is a reward to being selective and acting on your attraction. Just remember to tweak your approach and think about who you want to attract. Look at other couples. Avoid always being in your head.
I use a large mix of things. Dating sites, conventions, facebook, meet ups and blogs to expand my social network and thus my potential dating pool.
Girls can benefit a lot by being active in their own dating life instead of passive. Men shouldn't be the only ones facing rejection and also the only ones reaping the benefits.
but men are not allowed to be as selective as women. often in life i have seen men get with women they don't like and put up with it for for the rest of their life. while men can be selective this is not often and sometimes goes down in flames (cock hold/ divorce). men have learned/been trained to take on responsibility as well punishment for their actions. women have not. when ever a girl commits a selfish act that blows up in her face 1. she doesn't feel comfortable with accepting responsibility for it. 2. everyone pays for it. there are thousands of women out there who are like this and as a result are taxes go to broken homes and children who were born to glue a relationship back together. until women learn to accept responsibility as a woman! And make the right choice s based off of who she is i don't think they need anymore power
This is too one sided and false. You see this only from:
A) Your own perspective
B) The niche of your own community
Try looking at this from various viewpoints, though I understand at the age of 22 your viewpoints may be limited. But do yourself a favor and spend time in other communities outside the comfort of your own.
I've seen what you talk about, and feel comfortable talking about it myself.
However I've seen the opposite, and I imagine so have you. There are two people involved in single parent households. Mothers taking responsibility for children isn't uncommon. Women aren't the only ones avoiding responsibility and can and do step up to the plate. Often.
Everyone has prospered from some uneven gender norm, or double standard. Women getting away with abuse, or males being targeted as the aggressor in fighting. Men avoiding shame that women endure. It's important to educate society to stop allowing this.
Men do get the power of selection too you know. They can choose who they ask out and who they don't. They don't get to choose if it's a yes or no. But women who like a hot guy do not get to choose if he does or doesn't ask them out.
Are women really benefiting from this system if they have to wait for guys to come to them? Do they really get a choice if no desirable guys approach them? Won't they have to settle too?
Creating a model where both methods are desirable for both genders allows a much better, more open minded dating pool for everyone.
I suggest this as a guy who actually has a decent dating pool too. I've been hit on hard by hot girls. Not every girl is pretty, and has men beating down their door.
@SomeOtherGuy you seem to have a pretty good understanding of things, yes both gender roles have their benefits but both are limiting as well and a more healthy and happy dating marketplace can be achieved by people not limiting their options to only people that have the guts to ask them out OR people who they have the guts and motivation to ask out. It is entirely possible for a woman to find happiness by asking a man out and it's just as possible for a man to find happiness with a woman he wouldn't have thought to ask out.
@SomeOtherGuy
yes but as a guy it depends on who you are. if your "that guy" you have technically more dating privileges because the women channel favoritism towards you. and yes a lot of men take advantage of this but this is all in the girls plan. they put certain guys on a silver platter and stay ready and vulnerable to allow themselves to be taken by said guy. when this dose not work out the way the girl wants it, it looks bad on the guy. with the power that women have they only allow certain people within range and if they knew what they were doing it would not be so much misfortune in relationships. its a system of who can manipulate who rather than a relationship. this is true to the point because i know some lesbains that had relationship issues. A girl I worked with actually beat her girl friend. all im saying is that if women make the right choice or try to start a relationship for the right reason they could lead the social society back to a means of stability.
@SomeOtherGuy
Im sorry to better explain my point about manipulation upon manipulation. in a relationship you can only put but so much energy into it. if you waste energy on the appearance of a relationship you have no time to delve deeper into the person. if you spend time on the relationship itself and the person is right for you it will shine from the inside out like a diamond. diamonds can create their own light even in the dark.
@Wolfbringer22
How poetic. I hear you pointing fingers at women, but the reality is it's not just women who start relationships for the wrong reasons, or who manipulate their partner in a relationship.
There is no innocent party in this.
It's a fault of humanity, not women. It can be remedied by educating both genders.
You know this as well as I do. Pointing blame at any one group will not solve complex social issues.
I'm trying to help you understand that your language and approach is narrowing your view. It narrows the view when talking to others as well. You're missing pieces of a larger puzzle. Start including both genders in the discussion, and both genders in taking responsibility. This is humanities problem, societies problem, not just women's problem.
It reinforces the very real idea that you have both control and responsibility in this discussion.
@SomeOtherGuy
your right but as a male who pretty much does the right thing, stays out of trouble, has a job, goes to school, and has never had sex I don't see women lined up to date me. one of the reasons is simply because to them I am considered below average. that right there is proof enough you can't say girls are victims when they have no problem taking the golden and silver axe and lying about it. I am living proof that to them physical outways the spiritual. Materialism outways mentality. if they can't use you they wan't nothing to do with you.
I have literally asked out girls that were on the same level as me or in the same situation as me; and they stomped me into the ground simply because in their opinion they could do better. to them it is not about equality it is about control that is why they refuse to accept powers other face
responsibility they go hand in hand. that is why they perfer men to handle the responsiblity while they get a share in the power. trickle effect.
@SomeOtherGuy
by the why my "niche" are the men who finish last because the girls wanted to have fun with other men. not because girls become more mature overtime but because no one else will accept them. it sounds like your saying my "niche" has no voice in the matter. so I will say it again my "niche" is the proof that most women are not after men for relationship, togetherness, love, and respect. they are after men for pretty much for control, power, and authority. they pick the must biggest alpha male they can find and jerk him off until he believes they are on the same level then convinces him to do what ever she wants while she walks around saying "look at my pet""this is my potential""because i got this man i am better than you" to pretty much all the other girls. because at the end of they day must girls aren't going to pick a guy who right for him. they are going to pick someone who makes them look good hence why their movement for equality falls flat.
@Wolfbringer22 You keep throwing this into a very narrow mindframe.
You also completely limit it to the gender binary.
If women are only attracted to men for their masculine features and "alpha male" statue, than why do women date other women. Bisexual women are pretty common in a lot of places. Further, men date other men. But few men would ever call a homosexual an "alpha male."
There's this very narrow-minded approach you keep holding on to.
Have you considered your narrow-mindedness, your speed to point blame, and your self-loathing may have something to do with why women don't like you?
Have you, perhaps, noticed it might be people who don't like you? No offense but you don't strike me as the kind of person surrounded by friends.
Women are individuals and human beings. They are as varied as men, and prone to the same things.
Dating is both 100x more complex and 100x simpler than you are making it. I'm not here as your life-coach or your dating-guru to explain it though.
My issue is that you don't seem to see women as human beings, or as individuals. You sound like you want to group them into one very large category, and say they all do this. Implying that they behave differently than men do.
They're people, dude. If you hit a woman, she will probably hit you back. If you hit a guy, he will probably hit you back. If you hit a white person, he will probably hit you back. If you hit a black person, he will probably hit you back.
They're not different. They're human beings. They are prone to the same things as other human beings. They have the same varied interests. Not every woman likes pink and not ever dude hates pink.
It comes down to an individualistic level. Confront individuals; stop trying to put everyone in a group and than throw accusations at them.
You come off bigoted and naive like that.
Imagine if you said the same thing about black people. You think you wouldn't sound racist?
Broaden your perspective.
im not throwing around blame I was just stating as a straight guy in a straight relationship who is not considered "worthy" by most women i know that the right thing in a lot of cases is not what's on their mind. yah the want to have fun like men do but its a steeper price that in some cases they are not willing to pay. it is feared that giving this power to lesbains will open the back door for other women to use that do not have the best in mind. as men we at least try to keep ourselves in check. what I was saying that even at a basic level women don't seem to do that. they reveal this to us in their basic relationships hence the connection. Because it seem like they do not measure by heart and soul. so how can they tell character. men are by far means worst but we at least clean up after ourselves and try to do better. As a man I am held accountable for a lot of things i did not sign up for but i try to do the right thing.
@SomeOtherGuy
in a lot of cases i don't see women doing the right thing for other people because they do not do the right things for themselves. that is what the relationships they have reflect.
I agree. This is why, whenever I see a girl on here asking how to "make a guy ask her out" or how to "drop hints" or whatever (just like you mentioned in your examples) I always ask them "why don't YOU ask him out?"
You did generalize quite a bit though by basically addressing ALL women even though there are women out there who already ask guys out. But I get your point anyway.
Yes, I know I generalized a bit. I did my best to avoid generalizations but at the end of the day I am not perfect and I overlook details.
Das cool, at least you're aware of the fact that there are women out there who do put themselves out there and ask guys out too, which is all that matters :)
Wtf is wrong with you?
She's a troll, ignore her...
I really like this take. One question, however: what if you have already let him know you like him by actually telling him and he said he doesn't want to date anyone yet? Because that is what I have done. I am too shy to talk to him (can't breath well, heart races, sick to stomach) and it does not help when I am afraid of annoying him. I messaged him online telling him I like him, my friends ask him about me, I message him every once in a while. Is it wrong that I think he should make the next move considering I have done everything I can without riskin to turn him offMy friend asked him what he thinks about me and he said I am smart nice pretty and a REALLY great singer. He said it is a possibility he sees us together in September because he wants to start dating around then, but he isn't positive. He said it could happen, it couldnt, he is just rolling with it.
Would it be wrong to leave him alone until he makes the next move?
there's nothing wrong with letting him make the next move, you've already told him you were interested so the ball is in his court. If he still hasn't asked you out by the time September ends then you can ask him if he's still interested if you want to but it's not your obligation to do so by any means.
Okay thank you. I never know if I am in the wrong or not. Hopefully he asks me out in September. If he doesn't then I will ask no problem. I just don't want to pressure and pester him.
Hey I loved your perspective..
I think that this Gender attitude must be stopped and even girls should ask a boy out if she really likes if.. If a boy can face rejection then why can't a girl face it?
But I myself am trapped in a situation where I know that my crush is interested in me but we both are just doing nothing to take our current position to next level.. I am not asking him out because I am too shy.. Don't know what to do of that!!!@
I'm glad that you found my perspective helpful.
I think that it is ridiculous that many women feel like a guy should always do the asking out just because she's nervous. We have feelings too and we get just as nervous. We aren't superior to women and anything we can do a woman can also do.
I myself have found myself unable to ask someone out because I was too shy, I'd say it happens to me much more often than not. I think that happens to pretty much everyone especially shy people and it's not really something to feel bad about. It's only a problem when it's expected that the guy will do the asking instead. I feel like if you are unable or unwilling to ask someone out, then you should not expect a date. Hoping to be asked is completely different than expecting to be asked out, nothing wrong with having hope. But by not making a move you are necessarily reducing your odds of ever getting that date.
How did you find out your crush likes you @Inlove29 ?
Oh thank you for injecting power into me that even I could ask him out..
That's a long story.. I don't want to disclose it here.. send me a message and I will tell you..:)
'Oh thank you for injecting power into me that even I could ask him out..'
Umm you already had that power... do I sense an attitude?
'That's a long story.. I don't want to disclose it here.. send me a message and I will tell you..:)'
I prefer being anonymous, sorry.
@Inlove29 I found this topic and thought of you, I hope this makes you less nervous about asking him out if you should choose to do so. Men usually like it when a woman expresses interest in him directly, we aren't fans on guessing.
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1389497-guys-do-you-like-a-blunt-honest-woman
Attitude!!!
Heavens.. you have got me wrong..
I really felt good and positive from your article.. I am sorry if you sensed something hurtful from my side.. I didn't mean anything in negative sense..
And why on earth would anyone down vote this comment.. Just don't know why people down vote the comments on the basis of no particular reason..
Lol I'm sorry I just got the sense that you were being sarcastic when you said 'Oh thank you for injecting power into me that even I could ask him out..' as though you felt like I was talking down to you. You didn't hurt me or anything, it's all cool. I'm glad my post helped you feel empowered.
As for the down-vote, one of the women believes that the man should always do the approaching (even going so far as to say she's rather be alone forever or become a lesbian than ask a guy out!) and she down-voted everyone who voiced an opinion that was contrary to her own belief. Which has been everyone so far. So don't worry, you didn't write anything offensive.
Oh..
Ok.. then here it goes..
He is my neighbor since 7 years.. I never used to even know that he existed at the start.. but before 3-4 years I started noticing that he used to stare at me and I used to like that.. after that even I started noticing him and from then we have all that eye contacts.. I then found that he is a nice person.. its not his looks that I love, its his personality that I like.. so what do you think?
Do you look into each others eyes for a while and smile? Be more specific about the eye contact.
Yeah.. I didn't mean to be sarcastic or taunt you or anything.. I was just glad to know that even I could approach him..
We look into each others eyes and then either he or I looks away.. no we don't smile or anything..
If you make a lot of eye contact then that's a good sign though never a guarantee, I stand by my opinion that you should ask him out if you want to date him. Best of luck :)
I know for me, I'm fine with the thought of making the first move in theory, but throughout my life, I've received mixed messages from a variety of sources on whether or not it's socially acceptable for a woman to do so. I've been told it makes me look desperate, that if a man is interested he'll make the first move. And that has been reinforced by reactions I've gotten from doing so.. I'm pretty sure I've turned a few guys off by asking them out. As a result, I'm now not as willing to make the first move, because society has taught me that it makes me look like a sad desperate clingy woman.
I don't know a lot of men who are turned off by a woman approaching them, and the few that I personally know that do get turned off by that are mostly not the types of men who make good boyfriends, though I know of one exception to that. Most guys, especially shy ones, will be glad you approached if they are interested in you. With the exception of the men I mentioned before, generally a guy will be turned off by you approaching only if he wasn't interested to begin with. And keep in mind, men don't get asked out very often, so we don't all have a set of go-to excuses in our heads to turn down a girl politely. Why would we prepare for something that happens so rarely that we don't even think of it? I know I've turned a girl down pretty rudely because I didn't know how to turn her down, but I later apologized because I felt really bad.
I mean, when women seem and are portrayed as generally annoyed at male attention, it sounds like you're just going through the same thing guys have always gone through.
Surely you've heard it amongst your girlfriends, "He seemed like a great guy, until I realized he had a crush on me, then things just got awkward." So it's not like it's unique to women.
***Surely you've heard it amongst your girlfriends, "He seemed like a great guy, until I realized he had a crush on me, then things just got awkward." So it's not like it's unique to women.***
I think the difference her is that girls can't be fed up with a guy showing signs if she is INTERESTED. If I am not interested in the guy and he constantly shows me his affection, I will tell him that I am not interested. Guys on the other hand, get freaked out if a girls makes amove or shows her interested, becaue the get SCARED of commitment or other silly reasons, even though they might be interested...
The moment we teach our girls that's there's nothing wrong with being assertive and going out and get if what they want; is the moment we see change.
Once we make them feel confident enough with their personality and looks is the moment we will get his change.
As a girl I wasn't scared of rejection (well of course I was) but I thought he'd think I was bossy or assertive. And I thought that's guys like cute little submissive girls who role over the moment a guy tells her. I thought he'd be like "I'm so one who weds the pants" and asking him out would make him feel less manly that I was scared out of my mind I do it.
As I've grown up more and realized guys won't approach me I realized it's not this huge traumatic scene I was thinking of.
We need to get girls to start being confident in themselves and not scared of little things like being bossy. Guys aren't afraid of those things so they go after what they want, so let's make girls less afraid too.
@SomeOtherGuy
Im sorry to better explain my point about manipulation upon manipulation. in a relationship you can only put but so much energy into it. if you waste energy on the appearance of a relationship you have no time to delve deeper into the person. if you spend time on the relationship itself and the person is right for you it will shine from the inside out like a diamond. diamonds can create their own light even in the dark.
sorry i commented on the wrong person
relationships are a huge example of what women do when they have power. and that is why everyone knows that equality is not what they are truly after.
@Wolfbringer22 do you know what the original "asking out" was, it was a man going to a father saying "I'll give you this cow if I can have your daughter" they exchanged and the girl lived with him forever. No choice, no woman being asked. Men had to approach women because women were property that couldn't make their own decisions even if they wanted to. We've done that for thousands of years and once men couldn't buy us anymore and actually had to get us to like them, then they had a problem with it. When we weren't currency they didn't want to anymore. Then they look at women and go "why aren't you doing anything?". Well for the last years of our world we've been told that us doing things is pushy and aggressive. You've domesticated the dog and now wonder why it won't hunt. Many of our mom and especially our dads teach us to just sit by and wait. I remover my dad saying "I don't see why he wouldn't ask you out honey", instead of "ask him out yourself he wot think your pushy".
@Wolfbringer22 th The American slave trade was about 400 years so it took a shit ton of time to end and change the mindset of people, it seriously took that lot for slavery to be deemed a truly bad thing.
Women have only been having female empowerment movements for the last 90 years or so. So if it takes so long to change the mindsets of people on issues as severe and blanatly bad like slavery, then why do we expect a fix like this to take overnight. Obviously people aren't good at adopting new ideas quickly so why do we hate women so much for not changing right away or do you still expect us to Bend and break at your willing words
sorry i was commenting on the discussion below you. but what i was saying is that if you can conscious say that you are not materialism then why line yourself with it. I have to be better to get better it feels like i am buying an item in a store. if can break the habit break it with yourself. thats what men do. my father mistreated my mother and i have decided to not do the same thing. I just see a lot of girls going along with old school ways simply because they want to seem weak so that they can get a "strong man" If you walk out on the street today you get a good idea of what it is. plus there were black people who broke slavery and became there own type of people were not flashy but we live an honest and decent lifestyle the other Africans are people who believe someone owes them something. plus we still do get mistreated. to my point gandhi, MLK, Malcolm X teached equality and showed it in their households.
because most girls refuse this form of equality on a basic level it makes men question their motives. you would not trust a president who cheated on his wife would you? thats why these things go hand it hand.
again sorry about commenting on your opinion.
I don't know how we can possibly teach girls to be more assertive and going out and get what they want than we are already doing. Anymore that is the premise of any Disney film that has human characters. The days of girls being raised with stories about weak submissive women waiting on a man to save them are gone. Even in sitcoms the guy is always a joke, and the women are the ones having to keep him in line. What more could we possibility do?
hey i agree with that. I think women want to, but how often has that been done? you know?
But i will say a lot of times women have a different way of asking a guy out... without asking a guy out. They'll ask the guy if he wants to chill with a couple of her friends, or she might be like, "hey im bartending tonight or tomorrow i think you should stop by" etc etc, or "i want to see you again, its been fun."
Now this could be the ultimate friendzone, or it could be a girl, that is trying to make it as comfortable for you to ask her out as possible :)
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Because many of us (myself included) were brought up with the old school notion that the guy was supposed to ask her out. Now don't get me wrong, as old fashioned as I tend to be I'll even admit that a woman asking a man out is awesome (I envy their confidence) but so many of us are a product of our raising. I'm thirty one years old and just realizing that this is outdated but better to realize it now than never I guess. I've already lost my shot with a guy once because of this and I don't want it to happen again. Good luck.
I recently replied to one of your survey questions on this site. Sneaky! I said "No, you should do it yourself", and you replied with a link to this.
I just want to explain that I would have said the same to a girl complaining about this. I totally agree that if you want to date someone, you should go ahead and ask. Heck, I did it myself once, and it turned out great!
Thanks for the interesting read :)
Glad to have provided you with something interesting to think about. The whole point of that was to point out that nobody would think it was a good idea for a guy to sit around and hint at a girl to ask him out, so why on earth do people think it's a good idea for a woman to do it. Yes, it works more often when women do it but it's still an awful dating strategy.
ill be honest. im really just tired of hearing girls constantly complain about how they like a guy but won't ask him out cause they want to wait for him to do it. when you hear about the same guy over and over and over again. it gets old fast.
Agreed.
I agree, we girls should step up a bit. I would totally ask a giy out first, but because of my lack of confidence, I would first have to make sure the feeling is mutual. Like most guys would too. XD
Other thing I don't understand is that why some girls expect guys to pay on the first date, or in general. Sure if they truly want, it is polite. But you shouldn't demand that. And we girls could pay for dates more often.
Yeah I read that half of women will offer to go dutch but more than a third of them will actually think less of a guy if he takes them up on it and that seems a bit disingenuous to me. If you want to go dutch, do it. If you don't, I certainly disagree with you, but don't do it anyways and think less of the guy. It leaves men in a bind where they don't know if they can accept the offer without screwing up the date.
That sounds ridiculous. I've never heatd of this before but all sorts of idiots exist so it's not impossible.
It's true, it's actually 40% of women who offer want the man to reject the offer. Very disingenuous and it's confusing for the man because they don't know if they're stepping on a landmine.
www.dailymail.co.uk/.../...-secretly-happy-do.html
Too many people complain about the hand they have been dealt. Rather than complain one should learn how to play the hand rather than constantly cry. You, the original complainer are one of them. Next, why do transvestites always ask out straight people? Why can’t they learn to ask out same-sex people they meet in those bathrooms? Next, and I’m certain we are headed in this way, “why do guys have to be the ones that asked us to marry them? Why can’t that be the other way?”
If you do not learn to play the hand you’re dealt, you are doomed to be in the lower 99% of the country. That is a generalization but we are heading that way. I don’t ask guys out. They ask me out. I don’t pay for a date. They do. I don’t care if they don’t have enough money to send home to mother and support the 9 grandchildren. If they don’t have that much money, then don’t ask me out. I am not looking to compromise my position in my situation in order to go to see Star Wars for the 3rd time with some guy
time with some guy that probably will say no anyway. Why am I being so obnoxious? And here’s another generalization. Most girls stick to the Darwinian principles of evolution. And that does not mean, “survival of the fittest.” What it means is over hundreds of thousands of years men were the conquerors and women had the maternal instinct that grew over the years. I am not going to marry or go out with the guy who is trying to reverse that. The person who asks the other person out pays for
Lmao that just proves how little you care for actual substance. You don't care of you met someone who is perfect for you, if he is going through rough times he doesn't make the cut.
You're right about one thing, you are obnoxious. And let me add self centered. Guys are disposable to you. Otherwise you wouldn't mind sacrificing ten bucks at the movies for him. I feel bad for whoever winds up dating you.
A long time ago, the world was a very dangerous place to be in. Mothers were kept at home so that they could feed and raise children, as well as give birth to them. It made no sense to have them do the dangerous jobs. So men did those jobs and by the nature of the fact that they had more freedom they took more risks. This is why men filled the roles of conqueror and soldier at the same time. The non conquerors were expendable to the conqueror. But times have changed. The world has stabilized and it's no longer dangerous outside the home which is why women have so much more active a role. You abandoned your gender role when you went to school and got a job. Don't pretend that things are the way they used to be and don't pretend that you devoutly stick to your role. Tines have changed and you want things to stay the same because it benefits you and that's all there is to that.
Damn she is obnoxious and self centered. But if that is ehat she wants, meh. Maybr there is guy out there for her.
I know, like she's seriously advocating that men don't deserve to date if they don't have lots of spare money. Like wtf. I could never date someone with that kind of toxic mindset. If you aren't willing to go outside your comfort zone for someone or spend 10 freaking dollars then they deserve better. Like seriously, what can that buy like 2 small dinners at mcdonalds? What a spoiled brat.
That's just what happens when someone is given everything they want all the time I guess.
Right, if people want to date somebody they need to take the bull by the horns and do something about it instead of sitting on their asses. I realized that years ago when I was single, lonely, and ready to date. I had never been approached by a guy in my life (now that I'm in a relationship, it happens all the time). So I started asking guys out. I did that for about 3 years and was always rejected/turned down for whatever reason, but I still did it.
I like your 'grab the bull by the horns' attitude
It isn't just you, most people get rejected most of the time they ask someone out. I'm glad you kept with it and found your guy!
I didn't keep up with it, actually. I had come to the conclusion that guys just didn't want to go out with me, and that it probably meant I wasn't ready to date after all. I let just let it go for a bit. And that's when my husband made a move on me. It's a long story, but we already knew each other for several years. He liked me and made it known by kissing me (my first ever, so that was a surprise), and then he took me out on an actual date, lol. He comes from a different culture where the men make all the moves and they pay for the first few dates (at least), so I think things would have turned out differently if I had put the moves on him first.
Oh okay well yeah that makes sense then, yeah in your situation it probably wouldn't have worked out too well if you had tried to seduce him XD
Amazing take, and I completely agree with you. The guy I like is pretty shy, so this has taught me how to be brave and to be the one that makes the move, since he's quite reserved. Tbh my confidence is helping him break out of his shyness.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with women asking a guy out and in fact if we are the ones to do so, then that just helps build our confidence more. So what if I get rejected? At least I had the guts to try.
See how it feels asking someone out? We have to worry about rejection every single time
@AkumaKira that's why I decided to make the move first, so that I can feel what guys normally go through. It really made me appreciate you guys so much more! I salute you, I really do.
Yes especially with shy men women are really screwing their chances by not taking the initiative, and shy men tend to not be assholes quite as often as the more outgoing men (generalization) so they're screwing themselves twice.
That is true, I agree with you
I often initiate things with guys I like. I admit, I don't always ask them on a "date" per se, but I'll suggest we get a drink, go for coffee, go see a movie we both want to see. To me, that's a pretty clear indication and it's certainly me making the first move. I've also asked guys out before, but I'm more likely to go the aforementioned route.
I think if a guy doesn't reciprocate after that, then either he isn't interested or he doesn't have the personality I'm looking for. I hear you that you want to split things- both genders should initiate. But I'm not about to do all the work either- I ask, then he asks. Or he asks then I ask. Or we don't hang out again...
Thats not unreasonable.
Agreed!
Risk taking is a masculine trait. Women are feminine and that's why they are less likely to ask a guy out. Plus, the biggest way to show your masculinity to a woman is show her you don't fear rejection. That's why most guys want women to ask them our, they're afraid of being rejected.
If you're really that afraid then just give the woman your number. Even if she doesn't like you she'll still take it but just never call you. Most women are cool and will do their best to let you down easy. I usually just strike up a conversation, then end it with "you're cute, let me give you my number" or "I gotta run but I'd like to see you again, here's my number". Not a big deal.
No I am not 'that afraid', I don't just want women to ask men out, I want men and women to ask each other out when they want to date each other. If a man likes a woman, ask her out. If a woman likes a man, ask him out. I want love and dating to be a two way street. Yes, I do get nervous about asking a woman out. I still do it though. I'm not a wuss.
I ask guys out. I'm not "pretty." I don't look nice, so boys don't go after me. When I DO get a date, I have to do the asking and I get shot down almost every time because, "you're a nice person and all but it's a turn off when girls ask me. It strips my masculinity to be asked. I have to do the asking" No really, the last time I tried to ask a guy out thats what he said. He has asked out four girls since then and has been rejected every time. That's okay though, apparently, because he still has his masculinity.
Perhaps if I didn't get so ungracefully shot down every. single. time. I could have the courage to ask more boys.
That guy's a moron obviously lol I can understand the frustration but don't let it bother you too much because you probably don't want a guy who needs to be macho all the time so he probably did you a favor. I don't really see how it can be that degrading to have a woman be interested in you (the horror!), but it shows you how fragile his ego is that he'd get offended by it.
You're 15. I asked girls out around your age and got shot down often.
I moved away. Turns out I was actually a lot hotter than I thought. Girls from that town just weren't into me because I wasn't country, or super white, or blonde hair/blue eyes. Whatever the reason.
So keep asking guys out. Eventually you'll find your yes. Even that dude you mentioned got shot down a bunch.
Welcome to the role of asking people out. Honestly guys go through that often. We get a "yes" less than half the time.
Some guys even like when a girl asks them out.
Less than half the time? I'd say less than that.
^^^ Truth.
When I get the nerve.
Although I did ask my boyfriend out.. Kinda...
I invited him over on New Years with romantic intentions [but was trying to be sly about it] , and then invited him out again after that.
First guy I asked out that said yes lol.
That's nice to hear :)
I hate gender roles.
I have my own my take about this and got a lot of hate for it.
Unfortunately people love thier gender roles.. Comfortable ya know. Afraid of change.
I think a lot of people just don't realize the sexism and inequity of it, those people are the ones I am trying to reach out to. Some people can't be reached and I accept that, it's their own loss. But at the same time I can't stand their stubbornness.
True story bro.
I learnt by the outlash on my mytake tho. That majority want the gender roles, even if they realize the unfairness of it all.
It sucks but hey, I think I've already helped a few people and hopefully there will be more. That's not nothing.
The majority of RESPONDERS took issue with your take. Opposition to your views drives response more than does agreement. That is a common feature of the internet. Don't believe me? Then write an anonymous myTake making the opposite claim. You will be pleasantly surprised at who comes out of the woodwork.
Also just wanted to say Hi.
So basically they are opposing me for the sake of opposong me?
@gray_sailor
Also hi
It's not that the are opposing you for no particular reason. It's just that opposition is inspired and support is not. Supporters of any cause can't be bothered. Those who oppose can bring their numbers easily.
Good take.
Personally, I don't care what gender you are, or what social expectations apply.
If you're afraid to approach someone, I'll call you what you are, a little bitch. Fortunately, being a little bitch is unisex job.
is a unisex job*
Lol true
*Starts applauding and wipes away a tear*
I agree with every single word of this mytake. Couldn't have said it better myself. Well done.
Thanks :')