Why am I constantly told that I can have any guy I want but when I find one I want then it never works out? What am I doing wrong?

I'm just recently getting back into the whole dating scene. I had been in a long term relationship that I ended because I wasn't happy.

I have a lot going for me. I'm 5'8, skinny, blonde hair, athletic (I get told I look like a barbie doll all the time), I love to joke around. I'm very down to earth and loyal in a relationship. I am set in my career. I am a Realtor and work at a financial advising company where I'm working on becoming licensed in securities. I come from a great family and I don't have any children of my own. I have my own apartment and am looking to buy my own condo soon. I love to go out and have fun with friends, take my dog for a walk and I am usually up for doing whatever. I'm pretty easy going.

That is me in a nutshell.

I have all of this going for me and I have 5 or 6 guys currently texting/calling wanting to take me on dates but it always seems like the one I want has to be complicated. Is there something wrong with me that I can't get the one I want? The guy currently in question said I could have any guy that I want etc. so he knows this.

It is so frustrating. I am also 25 years old and so is the guy. What does it mean from a guys perspective when he said that I can have anyone that I want? He said he would love to have a chance with me so I give him one then I find out he has other girls talking to him too.

What do I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am not really sure why you are so infatuated with this one guy. Give other guys a chance. You can date around, maybe he isn't as great as you think. Or maybe one of these other guys has something going for them you don't know about. I heard some good advice recently, date someone you are compatible with and not someone you want to be. This was my most recent mistake, the girl had everything I wanted for myself but we didn't fit. Don't give away your emotions, let guys earn it by finding that 'fit' with them.

    My main point here is that if you haven't been dating this guy and getting to know him on a behind the scenes personal level, the only thing this can be is an infatuation. Don't worry so much about this one guy, if he comes around, great. But take advantage of what you do have available to you and be legitimately open to learning about them.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Its normal to want to have what you can't have. You can have those other guys but then this guy doesn't show as much interest as the other guys so you might just like him because of that. You know like just to validate to yourself that you can get him. If one of the other guys that like you right now started losing interest you might like him more. I don't know

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  • It sounds like you might be choosing "complicated" guys and that's why it's not working out. It sounds like you get plenty of attention.

    "it always seems like the one I want has to be complicated. Is there something wrong with me that I can't get the one I want?"

    Well, logically, either you're choosing "complicated" guys that don't want to be in relationships or whatever, or you're not such hot stuff and you're going after guys out of your league.

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  • Because the guys you "like" or "chose" are probably really attractive and have a lot of options as well.

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    • I agree that is probably the problem. I feel like once I pick one then I end up lost in the shuffle. I let the guy contact me first 75% of the time and this guy has been. It's just frustrating that he is clearly talking to other girls as well. At one point does a guy who has many options actually want to settle down?

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    • Yes you are correct. He hasn't been in a relationship since he was cheated on. That was a few years ago. The last girl he was talking to ended up dating his roommate (he lives with a guy who owns a house and such and he thinks that the girl didn't want him because he didn't have the financial package she was looking for) Is there anyway that I can make him feel more secure and less intimated by me?

    • Text him more and show more interest in him. Instead of letting him contact you 75% of the time how about you make it 50%. This is one way you can make him feel more secure for sure. Or you can try talking with him about it and see what he has to say. Easier said than done though, well for me it is.

  • neither you nor him have made a suggestion about becoming a couple. sounds like each of you is waiting for the other to "make a claim"

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    • I had mentioned that I could see myself dating him eventually but I needed a little time since I had just gotten out of a serious relationship back in September. I told him that in February and he said he could see himself dating me as well but wanted to take it slow to make sure that I really liked him for him. We haven't discussed it anymore since.

  • The problem is you think you can get ANYONE you want. No one can, it's not a bash on you I'm sure you're a lovely girl but not every guy will be attracted to you.

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    • Ok I mean I know for a fact that this guy is attracted to me.. he has said so himself but the problem is getting him to want to settle down and possibly be in a relationship. That's the annoying part. If a guy says I can have any guy I want then he has a chance with me why wouldn't he take it more seriously before I decide to move on to another guy?

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    • Is there anyway for me to help him overcome this or should I just move on if this is the problem?

    • I'd try talking to him but if he still won't do anything move on.

What Girls Said 5

  • Perhaps he's like you though, too. He's the guy who can get any girl he wants, and is currently weighing his options, just like you are. Maybe he's not taking it as serious because you are also talking to 5-6 other guys? It's not as if you've put all your eggs in one basket with him either.

    Play it cool for now. If it's meant to become more serious it will.

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    • Good point. I don't think he is aware that I have this many other guys contacting me but he probably assumes so. Even when we go out in group settings other guys hit on me when he is standing right there. I politely decline any advances. I'm just not the type to juggle how many guys at once. I'd rather pursue one until I know one way or another if it'll work out or not.

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    • Ok, so it's been a decent amount of time and he has a history of avoiding getting into a relationship. It's still been relatively soon since you started hanging out, but at this point, it's really up to you then how you want to continue. You may be forced to distance yourself again if it seems he still doesn't want a relationship simply because your feelings are wrapped up in it. Have you discussed where you stand at all?

    • In the beginning I made it very clear that I did not want it to be like college again because I was not putting up with it. I told him that we are older and more mature now therefore I don't want him to make me feel used again. He apologized on 3 separate occasions on how things went in college etc. He is well known for being a very honest guy so I have no reason to not believe this to be true. Even in college he was honest with me saying he was not ready to settle down. The last time we had a discussion like this was in February . Everything else has progressed along just fine and it almost seems like he is letting me call all the shots. I'm just a little bit afraid to hear him say something like he isn't ready to settle down yet or whatever. All of his actions point to the fact that he is into me.

  • You're dating and texting with other guys and he does the same. If you like him so much, date him and see where it leads. You can't expect him to see only you when you're not even in a relationship yet. Show him you are the best one of all those options he's looking at.:P

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    • Well that is my dilemma.. how do I get it to the stage of being in a relationship? Not this weekend but next weekend he is being my date to go to a wedding so I thought about talking about it to him after the wedding telling him I want to get more serious with him. We have been talking since February and just recently hanging out and doing the whole movie and dinner thing.

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    • Positive update. We talked on the phone last night and he has a family golf outing on the same day as the wedding but he is going to miss the golf outing to be my date. (He just realized it was on the same day) He then proceeded to ask me since the wedding reception is done at 10 P.M. if I would like to attend a family gathering that is going to be at a restaurant/bar afterwards. I of course said yes. I hope he didn't feel obligated to bring me since I was going to be at the wedding with him. I'm excited about it :-)

    • I think he wouldn't even mention it if he didn't want you there. He seems to be very into this too. Taking you to his familys' gathering shows that. Good luck.:b

  • Change and give the guys you wouldn't normally date a chance.

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    • Then I feel bad like I am leading them on if I don't see a real potential there. If I am not physically attracted to them or they are big into drinking or live too far away then I feel like I'd be wasting their time.

    • Well it seems your wasting your time and energy Now. Love is not something that happens at first sight. It takes time and even thin, you have to work on the love.

  • What a dumb compliment fisher this bitch is

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    • Excuse me but that is far from what I am after here. If you read all my comments that is not the case!

  • I read your comment about the wedding- that will be a make it or break it date. Make it happen then, it's either you two exclusively after that or not. It can't go any further. If you can get things sealed before then that's good too. But don't drag it out and really he should make the move, but put yourself in the position for it. Or make the move yourself if you must. But don't keep waiting

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    • You are exactly correct. The wedding will be the turning point. I just don't think I want to have the talk prior to in case it doesn't go how I want it to then it would be hard to be around him for the day. I would assume most guys wouldn't agree to be someones date at a wedding in their hometown unless they are somehwat serious about the girl.

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