Would it be harder for a guy to hurt you (emotionally) and have bad intentions if he just helped you with a bad similar situation?

I used to hang out with this guy in college which was 5 years ago. We got along great, had sex often and had a lot of similar interests. However, at that time he did not want to settle down with anyone. (He knew he hurt me in the process and has apologized numerous times for this recently.) He wanted to go out and have fun with his guy friends. We remained distant friends over the years but that was it.

I had been in a long term relationship that I ended because I wasn't happy. I was having a hard time with ending it and once I did this other guy Rick came along and took advantage of the situation. He basically told me everything I wanted to hear and had sex with me then left. I was so emotionally broken. I cried on the phone numerous times to this current guy (the one from college) and he just listened etc. He knows the guy who treated me this way pretty well and thought it was terrible what happened.

Recently, the guy that I knew from college has been hanging out, taking me on dates and talking to me daily. He has promised numerous times that it will not be like college. He also has mentioned that he could see himself dating me etc.

But this brings me back to my question title. Would it be harder for a guy who has seen me emotionally hurt probably the worst in my life, to do the same thing to me? I assume he wouldn't purposefully do it anyways. Thoughts?

How does a guy feel if he sees a girl so down and out and yet still wants to date her after? That seems crazy to me. He literally saw me at my ultimate worst.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This one is funny because people like to make things so complex. The reality is that he has cared for you for a long time and he has seen you at your worst and still wants to be with you witch means it is going to be next to impossible for him to want anything else. You are his number one priority in life at this point. Collage was collage and it was wise for him to choose not to date you if he wanted to live life and not hurt you more than what it was. The reality is that if he had dated you then he would probably not have been able to both live his life and let the feeling he had for you develop in to what they are now witch would have actually hurt you even more then if things didn't pan out then. The way things happened were the perfect scenario because you and him were able to stay friends, he was able to show you that he can be there for you even as a friend, and he proved to himself that he would do everything he could to get you threw witch for a guy being able to support loved ones is very important. So to officially answer your concern it would actually be very difficult for him to hurt you in any way because from what you have said and how things played out at this point he loves you. Also from the type of person he seems to be it would probably hurt you if he did do something dumb, but it would destroy him and his morality. So have faith in this if there is one thing to be said follow the path your on and be happy that you have someone that cares for you deeply even at your worst. Hope this helps you resolve any internal fears you may have about moving forward with him.

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    • Thank you so much. I appreciate this a lot. It gave me the perspective I was hoping to get. I'm not sure that he loves me quite yet but I do think he cares about me a lot like you had said. On New Years Eve he pulled the guy aside the one that hurt me badly and tried to talk him out of sleeping with me for the sake of my feelings while he had a buddy sit down and talk to me to do the same. He didn't want to see me hurt. I was just worried that he would somehow use all of this against me and play with me too like the other guy. I would think beings that he is 25 years old and way more grown up that he would use common sense.

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