Are you attracted to men that make no effort to impress or approach women?

I once tried to approach women and impress them. I got rejected each time. So I stopped. Now I don't speak to women unless I am paying bills. I don't even interact with women at my college at all. I won't give them the opportunity to reject me again so I close myself off from women as a whole. Could you date a guy who doesn't try to impress women?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, I am attracted to men who do an effort :)

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    • You're hot. Who wouldn't make an effort?

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    • You are probably right :) Thank you, that is very sweet of you :)

    • You're welcome. I hope I made your day :)

What Girls Said 28

  • No one should have to TRY to impress anyone. We should be impressed with you as you are, period. I am impressed with guys who are talented, smart, whatever, because those are their unique traits that make them impressive. So it's not about effort, it's about being yourself.

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    • Being yourself is a ticket to dying alone. For men it is.

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    • I don't have to lie. The thing is that I don't look like Channing Tatum. You have to be good-looking to get a decent looking woman. I'm a 5 at best.

    • What is not good looking about you? And why not just go after girls who aren't being chased by 20 other guys, meaning, go after girls are equal to you in terms of attraction.

  • Depends. If the guy is coming off as arrogant..someone who thinks talking to women is beneath him or waste of time I wouldn't even dream of dating him...even if he is the hottest guy ever.
    But if he is sweet and nice and helps girls when asked but keeps to himself and doesn't interact much in general then I might want to date him (if I also find him attractive).

    My advice to you is that don't completely cut off like this, its not healthy and I don't think its possible either. Sooner or later you will find yourself talking to girls because they are everywhere and you can't really avoid half of the population forever. Just don't try super hard to impress or else you will come off as needy or desperate. Be yourself but also try to maintain a balance. Not every girl you meet has to be looked at as girlfriend material, some can just prove to be very good friends. Keep it simple and natural and you will find her when the time is right :)

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    • You're more optimistic then I am. I don't believe in "the one."

    • Haha ok!
      Just don't lose hope, that's all! :)
      Good luck!

  • I don't like them impressing me..it seems like they are trying too hard. Unless it isn't that noticeable. I do want a guy making effort though. If you don't make effort, then I am not interested. I don't care how good you look.

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    • Good to know.

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    • I don't do those things lol.

    • haha well start lol

  • Nope. Why would I be? There's nothing intriguing, thrilling, exciting, or engaging about a man who conducts himself like that. Dating someone like that would be mundane, predictable, and ultimately unsatisfying. He would inevitably be outshined. So, I wouldn't even give him more than a momentary glance.

    You gotta accept rejection, it's apart of life.

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    • I don't have to accept anything. I don't need a woman to be happy and I will not jump through for any of you.

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    • wh y do us guys need to be mysterious

    • MTL_GUY78, I never said guys needed to be mysterious. Where did you get that from?

  • If she seems approachable try approaching. A lot of the time a woman's body language suggests whether she's open to approaches even before you do the actual approaching.. If that makes sense.
    But I completely understand why you wouldn't want to feel rejected again. Try keeping in mind that the worse she can say is no and there are "plenty more fish in the sea".

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    • Most women where I live are so unfriendly. So I don't approach anyone who doesn't want to be bothered.

    • Aw well i'm sorry about that, maybe you should try going out of the area you're in every now and then?

  • No. That makes it seem like he thinks he's too good for whatever girl might like him. OR I might think he's gay (if he looks completely disinterested in women).

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    • How does that make him gay? Some guys don't want to deal with a woman's drama. Did you think of that?

    • OOOooookay, who's the drama queen now? xD

    • Give him a break.If you were a guy who got shot down all the time you would know how we feel.If a guy is that way it is most likely cause he is shy or afraid to get rejected.

  • No. You must make some sort of effort to attract me or get my attention for me to date you. You must ask me and initiate conversation because I am shy and definitely won't do it first.

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    • Men can be shy to you know.

  • if you're not giving a woman any intention at all you've basically got 'not interested' written all over you. If that's what a women sees when she looks at you it most probably won't give her the confidence to change that in fear or rejection herself. So most probably no.

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    • That's the point. Find another guy and leave me alone.

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    • I guess that's a good thing not caring what others think, stops you from getting hurt and you can do whatever the fuck you like. Wish I was a bit more like you

    • I get that a lot for some reason lol.

  • I'm a 'show me' kind of girl not a 'tell me'. A guys words mean nothing if their behavior doesn't follow through. In relevance to your case, if a man makes no effort to obtain me i'll assume he's not that interested even if he says so. I'm not attracted to men who appear to have no interest so 'no'.

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    • Do you expect the man to do everything? Serious question.

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    • So you throw out hints. If so, this could be taken as you being friendly only.

    • Hmm hint's don't know, maybe. I'd say the environment and how well I know them changes whatever it is I do. Regardless what would you suggest a girl should so instead?

  • Yes I am, because "men that make no effort to impress or approach women" sounds like shy to me.

    And what's wrong with a shy guy?

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  • I chased after a guy who flirted but didn't bother approach or ask me out without me offering my number. Its boring and this type of guy doesn't think I'm worth the effort so he's not someone I would want. A girl wants a guy that jumps through hoops to catch her attention :)

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    • Any guy who will jump through hoops for a woman is a moron.

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    • One time? With one girl out of the billions out there. Your now assuming all have this ego that need feeding. If I judged all guys you would moan right :/ hmm

    • I'd agree with you. Guys have fragile egos.

  • The sole fact that you're asking this question suggests that you haven't abandoned the idea of dating completely.
    I got rejected every time I ever told a guy I liked him (well, there were only a few times because I have hard times falling in love, but still...) and I still adore boys and men. I think you secretly love women too. Just never say never, cheesy as it sounds. You don't wanna miss an opportunity to meet a lovely lady just because you were angsting over your past rejections. Keep an open mind, is all.

    Now to answer your question... I actually have been attracted to one guy like this once. I just loved the enigmatic air he had about him. Enigmatic, not angsty.

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    • I asked this question to see what women thought. My days of approaching women are over.

    • And I don't love women or hate them. I am indifferent towards you all.

  • No. This is sick. I prefer man who respects me who makes effort for me.

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  • NO! I currently like a guy that I'm pretty sure likes me, but he won't make the first move, so how can I be sure? It's very annoying that he's playing 'hard to get'(if he is) and I would much rather him at least TRY and show a little interest. Even if it is just asking for my opinion on something, or complimenting my outfit, etc.

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    • You know you could tell him you like and see how he responds. If he doesn't pursue after that, he ain't interested.

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    • If only it were that simple ironeddie. But women would rather die alone than ask a guy out.

    • Maybe guys would also!

  • I wouldn't be attracted to the man you described.

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  • noo i wouldn't and i guess mostly girls expect boys to approach them as it seems the manly thing to do for them :)

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  • Nope. Not at all.
    In fact, I don't even bother to think of them as potential dates since they don't interest themselves. I see them as asexual creatures hovering trough time and space.

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  • I wouldn't even notice his presence

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  • Yes. Hé is being himself without caring about anything

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    • Never thought women like you existed.

    • Is he? If he has to make a conscious effort to not talk to woman. To ignore them. I don't think he is being himself at all. If that was being himself. He wouldn't be thinking about it. It would be as easy as walking down the street. I think he's as fake as a three dollar bill. But that's just my opinion.

    • Let me make a distinction. I don't like it when a guy changes his appearance and pretends to be something he is not just to impress a woman. That's totally going to backfire on both him and that woman when his real self resurfaces, and she would realize that his was faking the whole time. I don't think you should be desperately viewing every female you meet as a potential love interest.
      I don't approve of op's way of handling things though. Your actions are solely based on your fear of rejection, but don't forget that there is a middle ground.
      If I really like a guy and we have good chemistry it won't matter to me that much that he puts efforts into keeping a conversation with his female lab partner though...

  • Nope. Not at all. You can't be so closed off and expect a girl to approach you. We read signals, and if you're not sending any then we know you're not interested, you're taken or you're just not worth it.

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    • I actually don't expect any woman to come up to me at all.

  • Not at all. I like guys that put in an effort and approach women.

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  • Definitely attractive. I wouldn't mind dating one!

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  • I like a guy to make an effort without trying too hard.

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  • No way. Total waste of time. I would think that he is an in closet homosexual or devalues me.

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    • What if he isn't a homosexual? What if he just doesn't like YOU in particular?

    • That's fine. There are other beings to choose from. I am sure that would probably be the case anyway, yet, it should have been 'told' to the woman, instead of it being an ongoing guessing game between the two.

  • Not a chance, no. I see that kind of guy as being closed off, and I don't like that.

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  • I don't usually talk to anyone who doesn't look like they want to be talked to, man or woman.

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  • A guy needs to approach me at least, otherwise dating will never happen.

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  • I'm attracted to a man based on his looks and personality. If he acts as though he's "closed himself off" then I likely won't think of him as dating potential.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Impress might be a little much unless its jokingly and maybe not totally true. Like I speak 7 languages, are you impressed yet? That's a dumb example but you get the idea. Approaching is much better, with confidence, likability, gentlemanly, and humor. This will kill two birds with one stone, you will approach her and if you do it right, that will impress her by its self. You don't have to try to impress her which will most likely be seen through. Some women might like that and think its cute but I think the other way will have more success. Plus if you do it the other way, you can work in 'cuteness' so that is covered too. This leaves the doors open to almost anything which makes it easier to maneuver.

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    • I haven't asked out a woman in almost 4 years. Too much rejection made me exit the game. I won't be missed.

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    • No, Im not saying anyone is perfect. What I meant was someone that is great for you and you for her. Don't look for a perfect person. You will never be satisfied lol. Find someone that has everything you could imagine that is good and then be forgiving and nonjudgmental if she falls short sometimes cuz she will and you will too.

    • Ok. I see what you're saying.

  • Most women have way less guts than men. It's good to not try to impress women.

    If you close yourself off from women and don't interact with them, the odds of ever getting a date are rather slim. Just as I or most men wouldn't make much effort to approach a closed off girl, only more--almost no woman will go through much effort to get to know a guy who ignores everyone.

    Unless you secretly dress up in blue and red and swing around fighting crime, in which case you should be meeting Black Cat soon.

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  • Maybe you should just start approaching women without the intent to get their number, like just make small talk and see where it goes. See it isn't going anywhere? Cut the convo short, tell her it was nice talking (even though it might not have been) and go after the next one. With all these interactions you'll know when to ask for the number and when to back off.

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    • I've done that before. It was so awkward.

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    • Sounds about right. Would you do this with a woman you found attractive?

    • Yeah definitely, once you've talked to enough girls about almost anything, you won't have so much trouble making good convo with a girl you're interested in therefore increasing your chances of getting the number.

  • Dude I know how you feel!!! I am in the same situation.

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  • I do the same thing and ignoring a girl that likes you works sometimes.

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    • I just ignore them. I don't care if they dislike me.

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