How to get her to accept my apology (this is a long one)?

So I've been dating this girl for 3 months and I love her to death. However, she has a major grudge problem:
Let me explain.
I've made a few mistakes over the course of our relationship. For example, when things were really down a month ago, I asked one of my closest friends for dating advice and told him about her personal problems because I knew he would be able to relate better than I could (they both have depression, etc.) and she got really upset with me because of the things I told him that she didn't want him knowing, and she's held onto this grudge ever since. And just last night, she asked me if I still liked a girl and I said I used to but now I found her unappealing. I said we "flirted" but it wasn't ACTUALLY flirting. This girl was like one of those people who constantly sounds like their flirting and I just play along. She translated it as "we still flirt". You can assume how she still feels about it.
I feel as if she's being way too melodramatic about everything. I have to apologize for everything and it starts to sound repetitive and insincere. She has this image of me of someone I'm not because I've made a few dumb mistakes.
Can anyone help? Should we break up? Why does she never forgive?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You should say something along the lines of,

    "Look, I really like you (you can say love if you've both said it. But, come on. You've only been together for 3 months.) and I really care about you. You mean the world to me, and I'm sorry I upset you when I asked about your depression. I just wanted to understand what I could do to make you happy and not depressed. I know it was stupid, and I should have gone to you about it, but I didn't want to make you even more upset and depressed by thinking you don't make me happy. Because, you do. You make me the happiest in the world when you're around! I think you're beautiful, smart, funny, and everything I look for in a. I could never think of being with anyone except you. will you please forgive me?"

    I'm about 80% sure this would work. The 20% would be if she saw this post. LOL!

    Please realize that statement will put you in a trap and you'll have to fully commit, possibly for the rest of your life. If you don't think you can, again, it's only been 3 months. It's best to break up before you drag things out that you can't fully commit to, and end up being hurt and hurting her A LOT worse than it would if you just ended it.

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What Girls Said 5

  • if she is holding grudges, there isn't much you can do about that. she has to give it up on her own. try rewording what you are saying to her so that it sounds different and assure her that you aren't involved with this girl in anyway.

    give it some time, and if you still feel this way, you should consider ending it.

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  • I was in denial about my depression until I was 25...and I was diagnosed at 16. That was a pretty big breach of trust and it might take a while for that to heal.

    The flirting thing...just try to clarify with her! Explain what you really meant...that she's just a flirt and you play along with it but it's because you don't know what else to do and it didn't mean anything. Then ask her what you should do next time.

    If you really feel like she's making everything too dramatic then break it off...you're super young anyway...just go have fun with your friends and go on tons of dates with tons of girls. And go to college.

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  • This is why you don't date in high school. Oh I don't even know how to begin to explain this. Listen: it's three months, do most likely think you love her but you don't. Everything I'm saying I'm saying from a lot of experience.
    Another thing; I also dealt with horrific depression. I had a boyfriend who tried to help me. But I never got better until I was on my own. He couldn't do anything for me and it made a riff between us.
    She is obviously showing signs of immaturity and insecurity which is totally normal for a girl her age. You are also showing signs of not being ready to be in a relationship. You can take this how it is and I am 99% sure you won't listen and that's okay because when I was your age I was the same way, but I'm telling you you are causing yourself and your girlfriend extra heartache and stress

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  • I think you need to work things out. Your girlfriend is insecure and you hurt her by telling a friend her personal details. Reassure that there is nothing between you and this other girl. If you really liked her, you'd try everything to make this relationship work!

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  • If you don't want to keep apologizing than stop making mistakes? It's that simple. I don't think she's being dramatic.

    If my man, told his friends about ANY of my personal business, I would not only dump him but also forget he's alive... not to mention if he doesn't stop a flirt in her tracks but rather passively "goes along" with that flirt? Like really? you don't know how to put your foot down and let someone no you're taken man?
    Nah, bro.
    I think you guys should break up, you don't take her concerns seriously and you two are not compatible.

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    • I do take her concerns seriously, I just don't know what else to do anymore. And I'm sorry, I didn't word something very well. I didn't flirt back, I was basically blowing her off while being nice, so it seems like flirting but isn't, if that makes any sense. But I totally get what you're saying. I'll talk to her about it.

What Guys Said 2

  • her depression is going to play a major MAJOR role in almost all her reactions. What you see as melodrama (which by definition may be) also seems to just be episode triggered by her depression.

    She is self-conscious and probably insecure about her depression.

    I'm not sure that she "never" forgives but I think you simply need to be careful about what you say around her. also understand where many people may be ok with some things she won't be and it will be something you have to be sensitive about.

    I think if you feel like her issues are too much for you to deal with then you should break up with her, and I don't think we could blame you. but if you want to be with her just give her time and be patient and I'm certain she will get to a point of forgiveness

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  • She is a drama queen, but she's also testing your mettle as a man.

    You need to stand up to her. Be strong, be firm, and be resolute. Stop apologising all the time, especially when you've done nothing wrong.

    If you keep folding like this, she will stop respecting you and start to hold you in contempt, and there's no recovering from that.

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