Compliment or dis? He thinks I am overweight, but is still attracted to me?

I haven't been dating this guy for very long. We are finally getting to the point where we can talk about serious meaningful things. Last night I asked if he found me attrattractive. He said yes. I said something about being overweight and he said yes, that I am overweight (which I am), but that he finds me attractive, likes my personality and wouldn't be around if he wasn't attracted to me.

I am overweight, so don't think I'm some stick he's calling overweight. He's a bit overweight too. Like 5 ft 6 and 200 lbs and I am probably 30 lbs over my ideal weight. Idk. I was just taken aback. Total mood killer. Last night was the first time he spent the night.

It was honest, but hurtful, but nice because I know he can get passed it? Idk. How should I respond to that?

Updates:
Well.. I haven't heard from him since that night. Awkward... He just stopped replying to texts.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • My wife is overweight. I love every pound, but I won't lie to her if she asked me. If you don't like the answer, don't ask the question. I think you are upset because you don't like your weight and may have been denying it and he plopped the answer right on your face. I don't think he was being disrespectful, you just didn't like the answer, or were hoping for another one. You need to appreciate his honesty. This is a tricky question that can trap many guys. Best to be honest. Would you rather he lied to you? Overweight doesn't mean ugly, or a turnoff. I am sure you are very sexy and attractive. His answer may have been a little too blunt and should have been softened somewhat, but I am sure he meant no insult.

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    • Good point. I think I am disappointed that weight loss is taking sooo long. I'm trying though. I lost weight recently and I was pretty excited about it. I just feel less accomplished now. It'll get there though. I guess this isn't the worst thing that could happen. It was just kind of meh. Idk.

    • Totally understand, no matter what, not nice to hear that. Lots of great and healthy weight loss programs out there. My wife always had the best success with Weight Watchers. They are expensive with their stupid weekly weigh-ins, but she had the most lost with them hands down. Good luck!

    • hahaha yeah, I don't want to pay any extra for that. Maybe. Plus the weekly weigh ins are tough to get to I think

What Guys Said 3

  • I think you should appreciate the honesty. Its hard to tell someone you love something like that. He sounded very sincere and thoughful and you asked him a point blank question (niether of you two shouldn't even be discussing on a first night spent together) and he answered it, takes guts especially knowing it could be a mood killer and ruin a night of romance.

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    • That's definitely true. I do appreciate the honesty... just didn't expect it to come so easily ha.

  • He's being honest...remember that you brought up the subject about being overweight, and he shared his opinion.

    Next time don't bring up your weight if him making mention of what YOU already mentioned, disheartens you.

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    • I guess I just.. idk, wasn't sure if he was really attracted to me or if he was just trying to see how far he could get in the relationship. Idk. I guess I don't know him that well. He's really hard to read.

    • in my opinion he prolly really is into you, you're just overthinking it. :-D

    • hahaha probably very likely!

  • He needs to learn how to talk to women, and you need to not ask questions if you can't handle a truthful response.

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What Girls Said 7

  • It's just the truth hurts. You know yourself that you're overweight so you acknowledge that so all he was really doing was confirming that for you. It's your own insecurities that are perhaps the problem here, as rthomas43 said, it's probably best not to ask if the answer (which you both know) is going to upset you. He's with you and doesn't mind you being overweight so don't feel the need to constantly question his motives :)

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    • I think it was bad timing too. It was the first time we'd been pretty physical. I was nervous!

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    • Yeah I would have felt the same lol like...use some tact man :P after that I can imagine the mood sort of dropped somewhat like a concrete parachute :S

      But at least now you have got it all out in the open and you both know about the overweight thing and can move on ;)

    • true! very very true.

  • I would appreciate the honesty. I am also overweight with like 20-25 pounds. And don't complain to guys you're overweight. From my own experience, they don't like it and sometimes it can be a turn off. A guy criticized me for like 15 minutes for saying I don't like the way I look lol and that he didn't like girls who can't think anything good of themselves. And look at the good part, he still is attracted to you! :D
    So to conclude: you try to not complain about the way you look if you're not gonna do anything about that and him: he should say it a bit more gently haha. It's a great thing that you both accept each other for who you are!

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    • hahaha yeah, it was just an awkward all around bad/weird thing. I actually am trying to lose weight and I recently lost some (yay). It's a work in progress. I think the other thing is that he and I met in a bar... and I'm always suspicious of people I meet at bars. Idk. We don't know each other THAT well. We have a great time when we're together, but we don't talk or text much. I guess... idk! A part of me isn't sure if he is just seeing how far he can get or if he's really really into me. Yeah... idk.

    • Good for you for losing weight!:D I'm also starting again. He seems honest and ok, even though you met him in a bar. When you're together again you can ask each other even small questions to get to know each other. You can never be 100% sure about someone. I've known sweet guys and men (family) who seemed so nice and turned out some huge idiots and jerks. But he rrally seems ok. And he told you he's attracted to you so at least you shouldn't worry about that :)

  • He likes your face but not your body I guess...
    Unless you're naturally chubby/have a thyroid problem there are more healthy choices you could be making. Also, keep in mind it takes a lot more cheeseburgers for a man to get fat than does a woman. Women store fat easier because it's part of being a woman.

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  • give it time, don't bring it up, just think about it. once you decide how you feel you can decide how you want to respond. You don't even have to respond at all if you don't want to.

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  • He wasn't gonna lie and say you're not overweight. He was being honest.
    But he is still attracted to you... That's what is important.
    Plus, he's very overweight himself, so it's not like he's super fit saying you're fat.

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  • Would you prefer he lied?

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  • In what possible way could offering that opinion on your weight have benefited you, him, or the relationship at all?

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    • Not sure! I just asked if he was attracted to me. Didn't expect it to go there

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    • yeah a man who picks apart flaws is so unappealing and robotic. Most women are turned off by that. I think men would be too right?
      Dudes like, "Honey do you think I have big muscles?" and girls like.. "You're pretty scrawny but i like you so don't worry about it!" -da faaa?

    • hahaha yes exactly

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