He is older, and I know he's MARRIED, but...?

I really like this older man at work. We have a lot in common, spend at least half an hour chatting before and after work and chat for long periods of time during work. through the grapevine, a few people have told me that he is in fact married. Even though I know he is, I still really like him even though I know that I shouldn't. We have a few plans over the summer and what-not, which I am really looking forward to. But anyway, I guess why question is, why won't he tell me that he is married, when he talks about being home, it is always "I", never "we" and the one time he has brought up living with someone else, he said "room-mate".


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Most Helpful Girl

  • it doesn't matter if he mentions his wife or not, the fact is he is married. dont try to metal into other peoples relationships especially if theyre married. if i were his wife i wouldn't want you trying to move in on him just cause he never mentioned me. you know about her so respect the boundaries. there is no but when it comes to this type of thing. it is selfish and you can surely find a guy who is not taken elsewhere, move on. even if he does have bad intentions to be with you while he is married even if he is having marriage problems doesn't give you the right to go along with it. it is not your place. if you really need to hear it from him then just ask him! say you heard he was married and were wondering if that was true.

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    • Very good point. That is the one reason I have never done anything other than talk and go for walks with him.

What Guys Said 5

  • Well if you two have been working together for a while and he has never mentioned his wife, then I have think that he has other intentions and none of them really bode well for the character of the guy.

    If you two are as close as you say, then something like him being married would eventually come up in conversation.

    Wait, how is it you change your description of whats going on here. So his wife has cancer and he is done with the marriage? The marriage is done because? I mean did they decide that he needs to go screw around because she can't have sex with him? Thats a bit odd in my mind.

    Gonna need more input here. But from what you say here: I wouldn't just because then you are the other woman. Do you really want to be that?

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    • I've heard through the grapevine that she has cancer, I don' know for sure if they are through or not, it seems that way due to how often he is away from home and how often he is at work and out and about.

    • I don't want to be the other woman, that's why I've not allowed it to move any further than it has.

    • Then if he comes on to you, or anything else you need to stand your ground on that. I've been the dirty secret of a couple of women in my life. (I was young and stupid) and its not a happy place.

  • A lot of circumstances come into play here.

    1.He could very well be married but separated and living with a roommate.

    2. He may actually be living with his wife but only because of kids. The actual marriage might be through.

    3. Dude is married, not amidst a split but wants to bone you behind his wife's back.

    Those are just off the cuff. There could be more but just pick whichever you like best.

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    • Hmmm... I am not sure that he has kids, he works an awful lot, has a very good job, but still works a not great paying job and is very active in the community, his wife has cancer, and has for a while, I am pretty sure the marriage is through but he stays for reasons un-known to me.

  • Good question. The important thing to remember is that he is in fact married. If he starts hinting about messing around you should distant yourself from him. And if that should turn out to be the case, he is the type of guy I can't stand. Those type of guys got the girls back when and they feed into the stereo typing image that single guys like me who've never had his chances of marriage and family are just like him. And it only means not only did his types steal the girls away from the decent guys way back when, the a$$holes are back at it trying it again.

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    • That could be the case, but he really is not the typical stereotype narcissist that I" know all too well. He is actually very kind, giving, and self-less. That's why I am surprised by all of this, he is very much not that type of person that I hate.

    • Hopefully he won't turn out to be one later.

    • Yea, I really hope not.

  • why wouldn't he tell you? cuz he's hoping to tap that, why else.

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  • It probably didn't cross his mind to tell you. Why should he? Unless he tries to make a move on you, he isn't doing anything wrong by talking to you. I'm sure it will come out eventually, although if it doesn't, he might have other intentions.

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    • I am pretty sure he has other intentions...

    • You'll have to make a decision then.

What Girls Said 5

  • Sweety, there is no "...but" about this. He is off limits. It would be selfish to pursue him (whether or not he is having marital problems) because he had made vows to his wife already. And if you look where it will eventually lead, he'll probably get sick of you when you get older, and go for another young girl.
    Tell him you know he's married. I hope he feels like an idiot.

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    • You do have a point... Thanks

  • he might be an old player by not wanting to admit that he is already married be careful babe

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    • That is a possibility. He is very attractive for his age.

  • there's 1000000 of single guys out there and just as nice and even nicer than your friend.
    You should distance yourself from him. What an asshole.

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  • He's got an ulterior motive.

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  • Just move away from that con artist.

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