Is it OK to ask a guy if you are exclusive or not?

I asked a guy today if we are exclusive or just talking because I don't want think we are only talking to or interested in each other if he doesn't feel the same way. We have talked about dating and he wants to take things slow and get to know me because he is gone a lot for work and I understand, and when I asked him I made it clear I wasn't talking about dating or being in a relationship. I don't want to annoy him but I feel like this is something I should know. do you think it was too pushy/needy or is it a question guys get annoyed with?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it shows respect and establishes a line. If a woman does not ask me if we are exclusive, I assume we are not and do what I want on my own time.

    The downside is that he might answer no, that he is dating around.

    A few other comments sound very stupid. It's not okay to ask about where your relation is at? Really? Or you should figure it out?

    No! Communication is key. Feel free to ask and talk about whatever you want. Relationships are built on trust and understanding. Not implicit (you assume), but explicit (you both agree).

    That being said, what does it mean to be exclusive if you are not dating? You mean he's not allowed to have friends or hang out with other people? If you want to be exclusive, it has to be in a dating or relationship stage. Like "I'd like to date you, but only if we would be exclusive". And me personally, I'd appreciate if a woman was that direct with me. I might not date her if I didn't like her, but if I did, I would know she was for real and not fooling around, and I would take her more seriously.

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    • I am only talking to him and have turned down guys bc I genuinely like him and want to be with him (he works in Afghanistan) - this is what I mean by being exclusive, showing the same respect. I have guy friends and talk to guys but not in a flirtatious way and do not show interest and limit my communication with them so He can talk to girls but his behavior is what matters. When we first hung out he was hanging out and talking to another girl the same time as me, but he ended things with her as far as I know. My point in asking him this, which I put into the message, was that the last time I assumed I was the only girl he told me he was really interested in someone else and it really hurt my feelings. If he says no at least he is being honest. If I wait and hope for the best but tells me when he's home he isn't into me that would be a harder to handle.

    • Regardless it's what you want to hear or not, you should ask to know. And even then it's very possible he could lie, but at least that would be his fault not yours. If you don't ask but just suppose, you could get hurt. And he might be interested, but if he has no hint or talk about seriousness, he might think that there is no potential there and seek another woman even though he really liked you first.

      In any case, there is no way to predict the future. All you can do is be honest. And remember all these women that play games with men instead of being honest, they are single or divorced. Same with men. Only couples that are honest which each other stay together.

What Guys Said 3

  • Asking a guy about exclusivity is a trap and is mean to ask. If your asking because of matters of the heart you shouldn't have asked. If you have to ask a better way to ask is to ask him to tell you about any sexual encounters he has while your seeing each other. This is a fair request so you can protect yourself more against STD's and find out if he's getting more on the side. Guys are more likely to tell you about other girls than to honestly agree to exclusivity. You can add but you have to word it carefully.. Like.. "There is no other guy than you right now BUT if some guy I meet in the future comes along and I have sex with him I will tell you right away" Even if you have no intentions to have sex with another guy while your around him this covers oh so many bases. And puts him in the defensive fucking mode. Hooray for you..

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    • I'm not going to bull shit it or play games like you are implying, if I'm going to talk to him about it or ask him I'm going to be blunt and straight forward. First off I've used that "sleeping around rule" before and it's stupid and gets messy and confusing. Second of all I don't know anyone who would rather say "yeah I'm fucking so and so" than "no I'm not that interested in you"

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    • The truth hurts you more than the slap I receive.

    • You are a funny human being I will give you that lol you entertained my night

  • I isn't pushy, but at least I know you want to get in something more intimate. There are reasons i might get annoyed, probably things like financial supports, and crushes on other girls.

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  • No, it is never okay to ask about your own relationship status.

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What Girls Said 3

  • thats something u should probably get figured out lol

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  • I think it would be a needy move.

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  • This isn't a pleasant conversation but it's something that must take place at one point or another to progress from dating to a relationship.

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