My boyfriend has a racist grandpa - advice?

Recently, my best friend since we were 14 and I decided to take the next step and begin a relationship. That's when he mentioned his very ill grandfather that he always takes care of, is a racist. Tonight he said his grandfather used the n-word so he called him out on it and told him that I am black. He told me he doesn't want me to meet him anymore. His grandpa wants him to move in and help him around his house full-time when his lease is up, but my bf says that this situation is paramount to his decision -- which means a lot to me<3 Anyway, I'm not upset or anything cause at least his parents like me, but has anyone else found themselves in this type of situation? Did it affect your relationship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Good question. He may die soon but in the meantime it needs dealing with. Fortunately old people start becoming like children again and can be treated in an uncomplicated, childlike manner. He has been indoctrinated as a youngster and has had insufficient life experience to open his mind. It really is quite sad. I don't think he can be won over in debate or conversation. It's an opportunity for you to see the benefit of defeating prejudice with love, humor and kindness and to be the one to confound his ideas through your actions. If you ever meet him be as kind, friendly and loving as you can, and don't bad-mouth him. It is also another chance for your BF to display that he has grown up and has his own mind. Chances are the parents will sort it out.

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    • Wow, thanks so much for your awesome comment - it makes complete sense:) I was imagining how I would act if I were to meet him and decided to just charm him. Just as long as he doesn't disrespect me then I really don't care cause I know my boyfriend would put him in his place. I am so impressed with how he has handled it thus far and witnessing how troubled he is by it. I believe that in order for any "interracial" relationship to be successful both people have to have the same views and outrage toward racial issues that may or may not occur at any point. Sadly, some people just don't know racism is still rampant in this day and age. It just reinforces why I'm 100% sure he is "The One" since he has my back when it really counts. What a gentleman ^_^ <3 <3

    • Thanks for MH. I doubt the old man would stoop to being disrespectful to your face. Racism is a smarmy practice that goes on covertly around the barbecue and such places.

    • Racism is so...cowardly. Oh well, not my problem :) Thanks for your insight and advice!

What Guys Said 8

  • I dealt with it in a relationship where the father of the girl I was dating was pretty racist. not overt and not vocal about it but he'd tell my ex in private that she thought she was making a mistake. as long as your bf is strong in his convictions that is ultimately what matters most. your guy seems to clearly know that his grandpa is in the wrong so while it sucks that the grandpa is like that it shouldn't really affect your relationship too much except that you may not want to be around the guy

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    • Yes, my guy is handling this incredibly well. This sets the tone for an amazing future together :)

  • My mother's highly racist towards most races, which certainly didn't help with my friends in my youth (Most of whom over the years were either black or Indian :P)
    With a racist grandpa, there's nothing you can really do to change his outlook on life. You just need to ignore it, and thankfully your lover's parents aren't like that!

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  • I made bad experiences in China as well. They're very convinced of being the origin of the world and all culture... Well, at least my parents-in-law realised that there's a world outside the borders of their towns (and minds).

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    • Oh, and no, it didn't affect my relationship. I'm married to that woman now :D She always sided with me when there were quarels, even against her own family, and that convinced me that I found the one I can rely on in everything.

      And concerning your relationship: How old is that grandfather? Won't nature solve the problem soon?

    • I totally feel exactly the way you explained - the feeling of someone who respects you enough to defend your honor no matter who the person is. I'm happy that's one less requirement for me to check off :p Oh, and his grandpa is almost 80 or something. He recently got out of the hospital where he's be in for over a month. They took him out cause he was getting progressively worse in there, but I heard he's doing sorta better now.

  • He'll be dead soon. Tough it out.

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  • When people get old they get angry and often their racism becomes less... hidden! Once he gets to know you, he'll probably change and failing that... he'll be dead soon!

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    • lol So harsh, but so damn true. Not gonna worry about that old fool.

  • Well if it was mom or dad, then okay there is a problem to think about.

    But GRANDPA even? Seriously! If I was there I won't allow his nose to interfere in our relationship...

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    • I would ignore that racist grandpa personally... if his mom and dad are cool then you have nothing to worry about.

    • Thank you :)

  • Grandpa's and grandma's...they are all old. You are not going to change them at their age. they grew up in different times. You have to ignore them. most won't be around much longer anyway. what can you do, family if family.

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  • As a white guy who is open to dating women outside of his race, I can relate. My Father's side of the family is the side I'm closest to and they're all racist. I hate their bigoted opinions and I am delighted that I haven't allowed their stupidity to infect me.

    Will it ever affect any of my relationships? Not if I can help it. Please remain strong and don't let the actions of others affect your relationship. Your relationship is between you and your boyfriend. Best of luck to you.

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    • Thanks for your opinion! I'll be damned if this causes any issues for us - we are too cool for that shit lol He's always had my back so I'm feeling more connected to him.

    • That's the spirit. Best of luck to you both.

What Girls Said 2

  • hmmm a racist grandpa...my bf's mom is a racist bitch

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  • Granpa doesn't know that racism ended long time ago ;)

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    • Actually, no it didn't but ok lol

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