How did a man like me get a girlfriend?

I read the threads here about what women want in a man and it confuses me. I fit none of these things; I'm out of shape, I'm scrawny, I'm notably angsty, I'm bubbly, I'm not manly in any sense of the word, I can be rude, I can be annoying, I;m avoidant, I'm boring AND easily bored, I'm not actually very funny when I make the effort, I'm broke, I'm unsuccessful by anyone's standards, and worst of all I'm a pushover in many ways.

Yet somehow intelligent, good, strong, friendly, aspiring to greatness men cannot get girlfriends, keep girlfriends, or maintain the interest of others at all.

Explain to me what went wrong? Why are these men being overlooked for someone of my caliber? Which is low. ,_, I don't get it. /real-life quandries


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Most Helpful Girl

What Girls Said 15

  • How did a man like me get a girlfriend?
    Possibly you appeal.

    In my opinion you're possibly a source of male inspiration considering the amount of guys that whine it's because they're 'out of shape', 'scrawny', 'boring', and 'broke' that they can't get gals since gals are supposedly super shallow beings that want the hottest buff rich guy available who is always exciting. It may also inspire other males considering how many seem to whine about how gals are oh so picky and never accept a guy for who is he instead want utter perfection.

    "Yet somehow intelligent, good, strong, friendly, aspiring to greatness men cannot get girlfriends, keep girlfriends, or maintain the interest of others at all. "
    If the guys are unattractive/average I can understand why they cannot get girlfriends (lacking attraction), cannot keep girlfriends (relationships do tend to end), or maintain the interest of others at all (again lacking attraction). In my experiences most of the average guys can't keep a gf in the sense of long-term and steady while the unattractive guys can't get a gf or maintain the interest of gals.

    In my experience it's generally attractive guys with the traits you listed that can easily get gfs, have long-term steady gfs, and maintain and attract the interests of gals.

    Explain to me what went wrong?
    In my opinion nothing went 'wrong'.

    Why are these men being overlooked for someone of my caliber?
    I highly doubt that is happening considering I know many guys you described that aren't being overlooked. Different environments it seems.

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  • Perhaps it's your humility? Heh.

    This is going to sound rude, but I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just trying to rationalize.

    Perhaps it is that you have lower standards that are easier to meet than some of these other guys have. I'm not saying you have bad taste by any means, nor do I intend to be rude.
    I just mean that all too often guys have laundry lists of what they want in a woman, therefore placing them on pedestals with unattainable standards. Maybe you do this, I don't know.

    Also your lack of motivation could be attractive as people want to attain the unattainable. Your lack of arrogance or your lack of drive for a relationship might make some women think they can put the passion in you.
    It's some weird shit. Kinda you're like a project because women tend to be fixers. The thought that they could somehow motivate you to better yourself (not that there is anything wrong with you) can be very attractive because it makes them attractive as, "the woman who finally changed/tamed/bettered a man."

    Regardless of the reason, don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone is deserving of loving affection to a degree. Even us weirdos:). I wonder myself sometimes why I have a boyfriend and a lot of girls I know don't. But then I look at my relationship and I remember why lol

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    • Maybe you're right! I need to consider this heavily. No offense taken; it's good to hear that my failed existence causes estranged women to want to save me.

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    • Not having total success doesn't automatically mean total failure. Nowhere did I said "failure." In fact I said, "not that there is anything wrong with you." I don't know you from Adam so I don't know what you do/don't do, but I don't think you're a failure. I have a clear picture in my mind of what a failure is, and it doesn't apply to what I know of you. A guy could be awesome and women could still try to find reasons to "fix" him. When I said lack of motivation, I meant in relationships. Please don't twist my words:) I meant no harm.

    • I'm not saying you said it. As a matter of fact those are very much so my words. I don't mean to suggest that you have made this statement at all because you've no intention of creating dissent or disruption. I apologize.

  • Nothing went wrong. You underestimate yourself all the time. Welcome back from "the fringe" and the land of only being "the helper". I'm happy for you :)

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    • No, see that's what's killing me and makes this a puzzle. I haven't changed. Throughout my entire life it is that I'm "different" which brings people to the table and nothing else; it drives me nuts because it's not something anyone can just describe. I'm still majorly playing a Help role, as that's all I do, and I didn't put myself in The Fringe, other people did!

      I'm going to go throw a fit and make some smores. ,_,

    • You don't need to change in order to be liked... everyone is "different". You are overthinking it. Enjoy it for what it is :)

    • People vex me. I guess it's one puzzle I'll never figure out.

  • Well, huh. Really makes me wonder, huh? Good question, I'll give you that. Maybe you're not telling the whole truth. Maybe your hiding something under those lines. But whatever the case may be, your girlfriend obviously saw something special enough to attract her given your confident enough to call your relationship real. Why not ask your girl?

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    • I have asked every single one. The answer has never shifted: "You're different." usually proceeded by "I don't know, you're just you! lol!" ... 12 year track record of that nonsense! It is time I got to the bottom of this!

  • You are so perfect to fit common circumstances.

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    • Will I can bake so does that count as common circumstances?

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    • You're right. I know you are. I am just too foolish to care for myself first. :p If I followed my own advice...

    • Seriously , Sex panther? LOL

  • I can't explain it, you're just damn awesome. You and I have so much things in common.

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  • You keep it real, admit what's wrong about you. You're medium among the low and high. Those men you said who can't get gfs, try to be too good to the point of obsessive. They're like a vessel never broken and sheltered.

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    • That is one of two things that I do admit is absolutely true: I'm genuine as fuck. These men, great as they are, aren't always honest about how they feel in certain situations. I see it as them being cordial and me being a socially awkward and angry little man though.

  • You're someone who can be challenged. I'll probably win the hand wrestle.

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  • I feel like you just described me except I don't have penis ;)

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    • You're much younger and bubbly works since I would think you don't want to be masculine

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    • Only if from you and only if you called me "Chubby Motorcycle".

    • LoooL ;)

  • You're probably not as bad as you think you are.

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  • She wants to "fix you". Be the one who makes you a better guy. A better person.

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  • You have a smexy face that's why lol

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  • * pat pat
    in my eyes, you are not that bad

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  • Some people are masochists, other think they can save the world. The possibilities are endless.

    It's not like there are many great, successful guys just roaming around either. Judging by your self-introduction, the question isn't even "how did you get a gf", but "why did you want one" to begin with.
    "Because you're a guy" could also be a good enough answer to that.

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    • Wonderful. I attract the Delusional and those who enjoy Suffering.

      ,_, Both of which I claim to stand against. I like it.

  • I'm all of those things and ten times worst. Yet if I make an effort I can get a decent boyfriend. Why?

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    • Because you are a girl :)
      Mostly, that works in advantage

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    • Give in to the dark?

    • You can't even give in to something you have to upkeep. Surrender to your natural state. :p To brood takes more mental energy than to just relax and let it go.

What Guys Said 7

  • you're easy going and don't have these "standard" people have or judge when theyre dating each other saying whether he or she is too good for another.

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    • I tried to build some. I ended up falling over laughing at my list and made cookies with the energy instead. True story. ,_,

    • haha, and maybe that's why. your girl dont have to feel pressured to do so much and just be happy of herself. hey got any more of those cookies to share? i like small crunchy ones than big soft ones.

    • It was weeks ago but if I had the cookies they would definitely be crunchy. >_> I am sorry.

  • Because what you just said, you put it from a very logical, man perspective. Love is not about logic, its about emotions.

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    • ,_, I'm just a half-decent person. Nothing more. And even then! I'm half a half-decent person. Even here half the things I say are foolish and the half that are serious of those quite a number are rude awakening methods of saying "STop sucking. Get it together." I even told a man who was claiming to be suicidal to either kill himself or get his life together because one way or the other he had to press on!

      WHO DOES THAT?

  • hmmm... but i can see, you feel some hope inspite of your hopelessness.. Deep down you are full of hope and maybe you are not looking down what u got or you are concerned only about fullflling the expectations of others on you..

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    • I will never stop being full of hope for others and humanity at large. It is as much apart of me as the need to breathe. I just look objectively at myself; while people call me harsh it is very much so true that, even in self-kindness, I hold all of those traits and they are majorly definitive. It isn't what others expect of me but the guilt of knowing that I am myself and yet these people who are of great stature and standing, of moral and ethical value, and of social and interpersonal wellness cannot attract or maintain something that I would be first and foremost notably bad for.

      It is a guilt as if someone passed over the man with a Master's Degree for me, a kid in Junior College who clearly knows less than him, for no other reason than because I'm quirky and he's not.

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    • That seems a noble role. Happy to do it.

    • :) :) :)

  • Are you saying that 7 is now your gf?

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    • No, I was reflecting on a conversation I had with a good looking friend of mine who actually has better grades, a stronger set of job prospects, and and a higher level of morality than I do and somehow... he's unfortunate with women. Then I think of just about everyone I know and voila: This question.

      It genuinely bothers me for some reason. These are great people, stronger conversationalists, confident, and yet...

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    • No, that would be you, probably with your exuberant number of liaisons. :p

      I need to put these smores down and just go to bed. Goodnight there lad.

    • lol good night, Sex Panther

  • Congratulations bro!!!

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  • It's like saying how does a guy with a suspended license, convicted felon, steroid using, tattooed guy, who works a minimum wage job get a hot gf. Well it happens and what I described was my buddy.

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    • Hybrostophilia is a real thing though! There are people who are genuinely attracted to criminals!

  • I didn't realize getting a girlfriend was seen as a success story? May be I should drop out of University, get a girlfriend and I can be successful too.

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    • To sleepy to see where even the potential clever resides.

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    • Oh dear. D:

    • Hahaha! The comment wasn't meant to be taken seriously bro!

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