I'm paying for everything on these dates?

So I met this girl; we've been on two dates and I've been paying for everything.

The first date I only bought her a couple of beers and the second date we shared the meal because neither one of us likes big portions - also got her a margarita.

So really, I've only spent about $25 bucks on her which isn't a big deal. I'm just wondering if it's a negative sign that she didn't even offer to kick in a few bucks?

I get that I'm taking charge here. I probably wouldn't accept her money but it just seems odd to me that a girl in this generation wouldn't even offer to help.

So is this a genuine thing on her part? Maybe she is just traditional or is she selfish?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think that's right on her part. She should offer, and If you were taking her out, you should pay. She should always offer and not expect. This is indicative of high maintenance. The first time maybe she was nervous. But if it happens again, I would think about if you're okay with a high maintenance girl.

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What Girls Said 9

  • There could be a few factors, like she is more traditional than the typical modern woman. Or it could be her culture, some cultures frown upon the woman courting the man (so that would be her paying for you in this case). OR she is still feeling you out, you've only been on two dates and have not passed that third date mark yet. Maybe she feels it is not her place to offer money or she is uncomfortable with doing so.

    In the first few months of dating my partner, he paid for pretty much everything. His cultural background is steeped in patriarchy, and in the relationship world it's all about chivalry. It's often seen as inappropriate for the woman to pay for dates especially among older generations (so they then teach that to their kids). But he's okay with me paying for stuff, we take turns when we go out now. The first time I paid for a date though, he said "Don't tell my parents, they told me I should pay for everything." lol.

    So I'm just wondering if it could be something like that. I highly doubt that it is out of selfishness unless she's exhibited other qualities of being selfish. I'm sure you would have spotted that though and stopped seeing her.

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  • I would like to think that she's being traditional. Although many girls in this day in age appreciate having the option to pay for things they really do love when guys pay for things by themselves. They also love silly little things like chivalry and opening the doors for them at cetera. I think maybe asking her in a polite manner if she would like to split on the next date would help you determine whether or not she is truly traditional or whether she's simply selfish.

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  • maybe she's not even traditional but is just used to it. or she's feeling you out. by the way it feels so weird, counting how much money is spent like you're trying to check if it's worth it... or is it just me? you say it's not a big deal, but when it comes to a big deal what would you do?

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    • I'd say something if it was a big deal. Also, every other chick I've ever dated has at least asked to help with the money. That's why this girl really stood out.

  • I honestly don't know why she didn't offer to pay. I am old fashioned but I always offer anyways just to see how he reacts, but also because I don't mind paying for myself. She might just be reaaaaally old fashioned so she just sees it as something you need to take care of or she is used to not paying.

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    • Well I'm old fashioned too but you hit on that perfectly. Why wouldn't she offer? She earns more than I do and works more hours. That's why this is really strange.

      I'm trying not to pigeon-hole her but this is indicative of selfishness and/or entitlement that's not cool. I feel like a truly sweet girl would at least offer, just like you said.

  • No, she's not selfish. It's possible that she's had a boyfriend or two in the past that refused to even let her offer. Everyone, man or woman, learns things from experience. She might think that she's insulting you if she offers you her money. Also, she might just be traditional and not believe that a girl should pay for anything on a date. Can't say for sure without knowing her, but this isn't all that uncommon.

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  • Probably just a traditional gal.
    I offer but I fully expect him to say no.

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  • You're courting her. I think you have to pay... I pay if I ask a guy out or if were together and I wanna go get food I pay.

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  • Most girls offer to pay nowadays, but I have dated a few guys who were offended by that. She may not know what to do, either.

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  • It's hard to tell from just two dates. In terms of the first one though, some girls are just used to guys buying them drinks so it's not really something you can gauge a persons character by. And if it was only two beers, maybe she didn't have the opportunity to get the next round? It's hard to say.
    In terms of the second date, she could just be old fashioned. Or especially if you're the take charge type of guy, she doesn't want to offend your masculinity by paying.
    But i wasn't there, so if your guts telling you somethings up you should trust it. I'd get to know her a little more before you make any judgments, but be observant.

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    • Well yeah, of course I'm observing. She did describe herself as a good girl on our dates. She seems very casual and chill too, no pretense.

      Hmm. I also picked her up from her house and knocked on the door. She said that totally threw her off because nobody does that anymore lol.

    • Oh you sound so sweet. She must really like you and doesn't want to mess it up, so she's probably just following your lead in terms of the whole gentleman old fashioned thing.

    • Perhaps, perhaps. I never considered that. She also put me on blast the first night because she wanted me to walk her to her car; it wasn't serious though, and we joked around about it. I walked her there anyway lol.

What Guys Said 4

  • Welcome to being a guy. When you're on a date, you're paying. It is what it is. I'd be mind-blown if a girl offered to even chip in, and I wouldn't be able to accept. Maybe that's old-school of me, but that's the dating game to me. Take a lady out and show her a good time. Now if she seems UNAPPRECIATIVE, that's something else. I don't expect money from her, but a "thank you" goes a long way with me.

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    • Another good point. No Thank Yous thus far.

    • Yeah, that would concern me a little. Give it a little more time though, I wouldn't cut her loose just yet, it is only $25 at this point.

  • It doesn't matter why she is what she is. What matters is if you are ok with it. It's a trivial amount of money but it's very telling that she doesn't offer to split it. Huge red flag for me. I'd be out.

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    • Yeah normally I'd agree with you 100% but obviously you haven't been on these dates. Her interactions with me don't indicate any "bad girl" characteristics, you know? She doesn't seem like a party girl-shallow type. That's why I'm giving her a shot.

      Like you said, if I'm OK with it...

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    • Took her to the beach bro. :::sigh::: disappointed. lol

    • hahahahahahaha

  • its possible you found one of the very rare traditional girls instead of the modern feminist that we now think of most women as.

    really at the bar girls using a guy to pay for drinks is pretty dang normal but when you take her out to eat regardless if y'all split the meal or not the guy really should pay for it

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    • Right. Like I said, it's not really an issue for me. I'm just trying to gauge her personality because, like you said, we now think of most women as modern feminists so I'm assuming she'd at least offer to pay her fair share.

  • Traditional. I keep hearing that its these women out here who will offer to pay, but they must be a rumor or rare like a red natural diamond because I never came across any, but the way you hear girls online talk of their existence one would think that they grow on trees.

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    • Yeah I was just talking to a friend that they'll accept being "traditional" when it means that the guy is doing everything. The second they have to clean or cook they stand up and put on some boxing gloves.

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