Don't want to date anymore give me tips on how to weed out players?

Do any of you get to the point where you just can't be bothered to date anymore like you've totally had enough. I swear I've had the worst year of dating that's kinda made me feel like I'm put off for life. It's all the bs that comes with it and all the effort you make to try and get to know someone and then you realise it was all for nothing.

I've dated players but not your typical ones, I've had ones that ask me when they can meet my mum lol and even talk about kids. All for it to last for a couple of weeks and then on to the next chick. I swear players are coming with a new tactic

So my question is what things should I look out for to weed these players out quick? I thought talking about kids was a little extra but do some players really go that far?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First, stop meeting men at bars, dance clubs, and other places that are made for getting wild. By the very nature of these venues, most of the men in them are meeting women with the intention of getting wild, not with the intention of falling in love and getting married.

    Second, see confidence as a sham. A man with arrogant confidence is more likely to feel entitled to use women for his own gratification and many women (who do not see confidence as a sham) will throw themselves at him to be used. A man with apathetic confidence is less likely to emotionally invest in relationships, which makes him more likely to pursue other women. A man with false confidence is one who lacks self-esteem and believes that pursuing women will fix his self-esteem. In short, confidence is a warning sign. Evolution has built into women the instinct to pursue confident men, because confident men are more likely to be players who have more offspring who have more offspring, which is all evolution cares about, but this instinct also makes women vulnerable to being played. In other words, your attraction to confidence is a cruel trick. The smart woman knows this and fights her instincts. She looks for the man who approaches with trepidation, because he has invested his emotions in her feelings and opinions (that's what scares him) and he is honest (that's why he does not use false confidence). This is the man who is likely to treat a woman as well as she deserves.

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    • Third, recognize that you cannot avoid players entirely, but you can ensure they're not rewarded for playing games. Make it clear to any man with whom you interact that you warm up to physical intimacy very slowly. Don't let unknown men touch you except for handshakes. If you are not in a relationship with a man you know, don't let him get touchy-feely with you ("it's just a hug!"). Push him away. When you go on a first date with a man, do nothing more than hold hands and wrap arms around each other's shoulders (not the waist), so there's no touching of sexual places or kissing. The point is to structure interactions with others so it takes months (at least) to have sexual relations with you. A player who invests a month or so in playing games will walk away from you knowing that his time and effort goes unrewarded. Make a man prove to you that he is good before you give him something good.

    • I'm so glad I read this. It all makes sense. The last guy I dated was so confidant borderline arrogant but I could see cracks where I felt he had low self-esteem. Those are the men to avoid and I'll definitely avoid men in nightclubs in future, I guess you could compare nightclubs and bars to a hunting ground for people that are just looking for fun.
      It's true I do believe that confidence is what had attracted me to some men in the past, that has like you said opened me up to be used for their own gratification. It's quiet refreshing to hear this advice from a man. I swear everything you've just wrote makes sense. I can't wait to put in practice what you've just said. Thanks for this advice

What Guys Said 4

  • Honestly, find your own type of guy to hang out with, but without the dating titles. Like just common interest guys. This way you'll naturally blend together and it won't be about sex and by the time you do, you'll pretty much know him already.

    Dating upfront causes people to just say the "right things" whereas meeting normal guys without dating allows you to just be yourselves. As you hang out with them, you'll know if they want sex without the player-tactics because they'll keep inviting you over. Whereas if you're dating they're gonna keep telling you they want a relationship, etc. Plus personally, I'd back away from a guy who says he wants kids if it was in the first few weeks. I'd think he'd poke holes.

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    • Yeah I think I should definitely try the just hang out as friends thing and like you said I'd soon find out whether or not their after one thing. Plus most of the guys I've dated were from when I met them on a night out so I guess that don't help either. Thanks for the advice :)

  • Boy I can't imagine it's from a lack of opportunity.

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  • Maybe they aren't players. Maybe they're normal guys wanting a normal relationship and they're dating around. Maybe they found someone they like more than you.
    Maybe there are aspects of yourself that could use improvement, and taking the easy road of laying all the blame on them isn't going to reveal them.
    What do you believe could be turning them off?

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    • Yeah I see where your coming from, I have looked at myself to see where I'm going wrong but with the last guy I was with I honestly can't say that I've done anything as I was cool and laid back and showed I was interested in getting to know him better. But he just turned funny on me :(

    • Guys like me who are not into long term relationships and just want to fool around are usually honest about it.
      Keep thinking, there's always a reason. Obviously I can't tell you what it is because I don't know the details, but being willing to look at yourself and improve is already a huge trait most people lack.

  • Easy. Hit on shy guys. Players will always come at you first.

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    • I think your right. Every time I've ended up dating some guy they were the ones to approach me. But I don't think I'd have the balls to approach a guy I wouldn't even know how to

    • Well you better learn or it'll keep happening. It'll only get worse because single guys who are old are all players or fucked up.

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