Is there any point in trying to get a girlfriend?

I don't see the point if I am honest. I don't think I have met anyone who has ever liked me in my life. Sure, occasionally someone has been attracted to me I don't doubt that but it has never developed into proper interest. Everyone else I know finds it quite easy to find someone but for some reason I don't. Someone who I used know quite well said they were surprised I hadn't had much success with girls so I can't be that bad yet I seem to be nobody's type.

A friend of mine suggested going to the gym. At first I thought that that would be a great idea but then I changed my mind. Is it really a good idea to just have someone who likes you for your body? I can't imagine anything worse than having someone suddenly like me after years of looking down upon me.

What can I do? Is there any point? Should I just focus on other things?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Why are you focused on dating so much? Why aren't you focused on improving your like and making you more attractive to girls?

    Shy? Work on being more open
    Fat? Go to the gym
    Ugly? Work on your personality
    No job? Get a job

    My point is there's obviously something about you that's not attracting girls. Most likely it's because you're shy and never approach. If you sit around waiting for someone then you might as well give up because a girl isn't going to fall out of a tree. And don't give me that bullshjt about why girls don't approach. You can't control other people so stop bitching about that and control yourself. Make life what you want it to be. Fucking take charge of your life

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    • But approaching new people is really scary. I don't know where to approach them or how to anyway.

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    • yeah i like this girl

    • Join the track team. Sign up for a marathon training group. There are tons of opportunities to meet you people

What Girls Said 6

  • Tell me something. When you lose your keys and you retrace your steps as an attempt to find it, do you actually find it? Often not. You usually find your keys once you've stopped looking for it.

    In your case, it's the same! You're young and you have so much time ahead of you to explore things like these. You need to concentrate on yourself and someone right for you ought to come along. If you're always expecting for someone to come along, you'll think that everyone and anyone will be good enough for you.

    I, too, went through this once. It wasn't quite like you, but similar. Most guys that were interested in me, they weren't really interested in my persona. They cared more about the looks than anything and that was highly frustrating. I began to wonder whether I'd ever find someone who would like me regardless of my looks and I eventually found that one person.

    Focus on other things, but most importantly focus on being the best version of yourself! Then, everything else will fit in.

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  • Yes their a point their many people in that predicament your not the only ine it just usually hard to find the one that really sees you for you and not just your looks. Girls and guys both get that. It can be abit discouraging but never give up but at the same time dont put to much time into it just do what you have to do the person will come it just taking longer then usually then what we would like. But it all turns out just fine in the end. We just dont see it until we reach the end. But dont change who you are the right person comes along. Just gotta weed them out you will know it just all clicks and falls into place.

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  • Do you *want* a girlfriend? That's the most important question here. If you do, then of course there's a point in trying to get one. The second most important question is: are you happy with yourself? If you're not, you need to work on that before even thinking about a relationship.

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    • I would like one but I just don't see the point because it just seems to not work whenever I try.
      I am quite happy with myself, I am happier than I have been in a long time. I used to be unhappy with myself but now I am a lot better.

    • Well, good! Just keep focusing on you. Maybe join a dating site or make a point to frequent bars and put yourself out there. Don't let yourself get consumed with the fact that you don't have a girlfriend, just keep your options open and enjoy being happy with yourself at the same time.

  • I would focus on other things. There a thousand ways to find meaning in life. You don't need a woman for that.

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  • Women doesn't define you but I understand how you feel. Just distract yourself and often times you find love when you least except it.

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  • Focus on you right now. The right person will come along in time.

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What Guys Said 10

  • If people are surprised you don't have a gf, that means you're probably... pretty date-able. I know guys everyone is shocked don't date and try to set up, and i know other guys people just don't bring it up because nobody is surprised. You're in the first group, apparently.

    Definitely go to the gym. It is unlikely you will get someone who -just- likes you for your body. It's going to be part of a mosaic of things they like. A bf/gf relationship is neither purely physical nor purely in the mind - it should be both. Physical desire is supposed to be part of it. Beyond that, being in better shape both boosts your confidence that girls would be interested, and directly changes and improves your mental state.

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  • Give it time sir. You'll be fine. Life is long man and people that try to force it usually end up in shitty relationships.

    That said you really need to work on your social skills. If you can't talk to women you're going to make more difficult. I'm not talking about hitting on women I just meant talking. In my experience ladies don't like being hit on but they love being engaged in conversation. As uncomfortable as that might sound the more you do it the better you'll get. Eventually some lady is going to like what you're saying and it'll happen for you.

    You have to get out of your own way though. I say this as someone who used think the same way as you. Good luck buddy.

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    • I can talk with women, I have a lot of female friends. Do you mean I need to talk to more girls in normal conversation or do I just need to get more comfortable with approaching girls? I find approaching people scary but once I get past that initial barrier I can normally do just fine.

    • I guess the big thing is engaging in conversation with a lady you'd like to date. But really it's talking to ladies that aren't your friends. Your friends are your friends, unless you want to date one of them you're going to have to get used to striking up a conversation with strangers.

      Not necessarily strangers but people around you like coworkers or neighbors. If you go to party, try and make conversation outside of your circle of friends. If you do that enough you'll find a lady who you have a lot in common with and bam, it'll happen.

      Another big part of it is being able to read women. Most ladies will let you know they like you without saying it. You have to be able to pick up on their signals. One example, let's say you meet a girl at a party and have a nice conversation. The next weekend there is another party with same girl. If she likes you she'll put herself in position to try and get you to engage her in conversation again. May come right up and engage you.

    • Don't give up though. You're way too young to seriously be considering throwing in the towel.

  • Tons of excuses. So you haven't found your niche of a human, so what? Despair sure isn't going to help. There's probably nothing wrong with you at all; being attractive is 90% good luck and 10% your actual traits so while you can sit and have a pity fest the reality is that mating should never have been your main goal in life, that's ridiculous, and you should just enjoy what comes and goes. I could go on about finding your crowd and all that but truth be told this is the internet and we'd have to have an extensive Skype conversation to actually brainstorm ways to solve a non-problem you've decided is a problem.

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    • I never said mating was my number one goal in life and it is not. It's hard to enjoy what comes and goes because nothing comes and goes. How is this a non-problem? What do you mean by that exactly?

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    • Ah I think I get what you mean. Focus on being the best you can at the things you care about and they will all help each other to make you a better person and good things should follow? I think I have got that right? Focus on the long term rather than short term as there will be a longer period of sustained happiness.
      Thank you! There was a misunderstanding at the start but once that was cleared you have been very very helpful :)

    • That's exactly it. You'll do fine.

  • While I heartily recommend going to the gym, though not for the reason of getting women interested, but purely because the exercise is good for you.

    As for is there any point in getting a girlfriend, it's debatable. I mean if you have other priorities in love than what a relationship can offer, then I'd there isn't any point in having one.

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  • yeah most unattractive guys have to deal with this. but guess what we are guys so we can change it. ignore females, ignore ur need to feminine approval and just improve u. after u do this for awhile people start to take notice and at this point u dont need people but people need u

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    • But this is the thing. I get called cute quite a lot and I've been complimented quite a bit so I don't think that I am bad looking in terms of my face. I am no model for sure but still. I am thin which I believe is the cause of most problems but I don't know.

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    • ugh ur just being a little bitch now arnt u.

    • How so? You're telling me that I am supposed to ignore the fact that people have complimented my looks. It took me ages to develop some self confidence about my appearance and now you are telling me to just throw that all away. I don't think I am some sort of greek god, I just don't see much wrong with it.

  • There certainly is no point with your shitty attitude.

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  • The only thing i can think of getting a gf is to get laid hmm..
    Aside from dat, there's really no point xP

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    • I don't want a girlfriend to get laid. If I just wanted to get laid I'd try and do that on nights out but I am not that bothered about that.

    • Than ofcourse! Sumone special that u can share ur time and wonderful memories with. Sumone that will luv u and adores u like none other. Thats the benefits of an awesome gf.

  • Women hate me...going to gym suggestion was for your benefit, your confidence, your psychological well being... Not for someone else...
    people will automatically like you if you like yourself.

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    • Women don't hate me. I get on just fine with them, they just aren't sexually attracted to me. I am quite sociable, it's not like I spend my whole life inside and wonder why I don't have a girlfriend and then blame the female gender for it like some people do.
      But I do like myself, I guess you are right about the gym.

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    • Lol don't worry man i believe you!

    • Cool :)

  • Nah, you work out for yourself, not for others. Other people will begin to like you when you build confidence for yourself, and become someone who is nice to be around

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  • Find other things to do, video games, movies, delicious foods, all good distractions
    I know how you feel though, it only gets worse as you get older too

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