I speak from experience as I did this to an ex boyfriend I had. Even though I knew it was wrong to treat him bad still he was too easy to treat that way. Pretty much he allowed me to do it. I knew he was caring and sweet so I felt I could do what I wanted with him. Now that I'm more mature I saw that treating him that way wasn't right and until this day I regret doing that to him. I didn't understand much of self esteem during that time not even that I had low self esteem during that time. Fast forward my recent ex of 4 years tried to treat me any which way. I started to notice he had low self esteem. I had already been there and done that I already knew the signs of someone treating another one like crap. I dumped him and let him know that I wouldn't allow that. After that I noticed that my ex had low self esteem so he wanted to treat me bad. Now that I know about the way things are I drop people left and right if they don't treat me right. Why when people have low self esteem do they enjoy to be treated like crap?
Most Helpful Guy
I a perverse way it gives these justification to be the way they are.
If shy guy says "I can't get a date or a girlfriend. Because I'm ugly." This is how his brain works.
So he asks a girl on a date for this Friday. She can't go because of her brother-in laws surprise birthday party. So she declines, giving her reason.
Instead of the guy thinking she may be busy, and suggesting Saturday or next Friday.
He will automatically think "she's lying. it's because I'm ugly."
Now he has an excuse to run and hide from the world. Which a shy guy truly wants to do anyway.
So the next time he asks. His self esteem is noticeably lower. He gets rejected. Making him uglier in his mind. This pattern will repeat itself.
Now he's convinced he really is ugly (whether he is or not does not matter).
He is shy (which can be fixed). And he has low self-esteem (which can also be fixed).
Fixing shyness and low self-esteem take work. In this case, likely more rejection before he's fixed. He doesn't want to do this work. Staying in the bedroom with video games is easier.
So he purposely will set himself up for failure with women. All this work, just to keep (in his mind) reaffirming that he's ugly. So therefore his self esteem doesn't come into it. In his mind he "can't" be fixed. No. He doesn't "want" to be fixed.
So when a person with low self esteem gets treated badly. In a warped way it makes him happy. Confirming he can't be fixed. But he's treated badly because he set himself up to be.
And he doesn't even realize it by this point. He has already reprogrammed his brain.1