A question about the dreaded 'friendzone'?

So ladies (or girls, whatever) how can a guy protect himself from being 'friendzoned'?

There are highly polarized opinions about this. Some people say that a guy should take the direct approach of making it clear in the very beginning that he wants to date the woman and not just be friends, which would ensure he gets a quick 'yes' or 'no', and the risk of the woman developing a friendly bond rather than a romantic one with him is eliminated. These people are absolutely certain that starting out as 'friends' is a recipe for disaster because the man is almost sure to be friendzoned.

But others say the opposite. They feel that a guy approaching a woman for a date without knowing much about her would seem really creepy to the woman (unless he was extremely physically attractive), so it would be a better idea to start out as friends, get to know the woman better, and then make a move if he feels he has a reasonably good chance of not being friendzoned.

As a 27 year old guy, its VERY confusing for me so even at this age I'm yet to approach women (so obviously I've never been on a date or had a girlfriend) . Its the truth, but please don't call me a 'loser' because I have succeeded in several other aspects of life (except women).

Question for women: Do you prefer a guy to take the direct approach soon after meeting you, or do you prefer to be friends with him first so that you can judge your compatibility with him until the time he asks you out (IF he asks you out, that is)?

Question for men: Which approach do you generally use? And if you use both approaches depending on the woman, which method has got you better results?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • There's really no way of "protecting" yourself from it. Either she'll like you, or she won't. But whatever, I'll say what I've always said.
    1. You can befriend her, yes, but at the same time make sure that you're flirting with her. That way she won't at least immediately think of you as a friend, considering that you won't act 100% like a friend (friends generally don't really flirt with each other).
    2. If she does friendzone you, you don't have to keep being her friend. You can literally say "sorry, I don't think I'd be able to be your friend because I'm too interested in you", and then you move on. Simple as that. You're not in the friendzone if you aren't her friend to begin with.
    That is all.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The worst thing you can do is ask women for dating advice, they'll just confuse the hell out of you. In fact no, the worst thing you can do is try to please all women, because they all want different things. Some want "friends first", others prefer dating. The friends first lot are more likely to friend-zone you because that's how you end up there in the first place - they don't think of you as anything more than a friend and they don't want to ruin the friendship. It also takes more effort, and it's kinda fake as you're trying to get with them while pretending to want to be their friend, I'd say that's more creepy than being upfront. Whereas if you as someone out on a date they are thinking about whether or not you might make a good boyfriend or not. And if she is interested things will develop much more quickly than if you're "just friends".

    I've always preferred being direct and just dating women for that reason. It's up to you how direct you want to be, just make sure you flirt plenty, and do it shamelessly.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I once made my male bestfriend my boyfriend but I broke up with him a month later because I realized that as a bestfriend and as a boyfriend, everything changed, I swore I'd never date some guy best friend ever again.

    I mean, recently I friendzoned this guy like 3 months ago and right now in the present day of today we're dating, because during the time he spent as my friend I got to know him better and he made me feel very special and he sort of won me over with time, so I think it's important for the guy to make a girl wonder if he's interested in her because that way we won't label you as friends, we'll label you as 'the guy I think might have a crush on me' but since we won't know for sure we might wanna get to know you better and find out, and maybe along the way we'll develop feelings and this is all just my opinion and I hope it makes sense.

    So yeah, I'd go with wanting to get to know him first, and as long as he hints toward interest and leaves me curious It'll keep him on my mind.

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  • My advice is kind of simple..
    Don't get too close if you're not sure about how she feels.
    Trust me, this could prevent a lot of shitstorms

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  • When you meet a girl you are interested in, you should let her that you would like to get to know her with the possibility of it turning into more than friends. Don't put pressure on her own. What matters is that she knows your intentions.

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  • I think the reason to approach sooner is to see if she's interested and not waste YOUR time. Not because it makes a huge difference.

    Like guys, women have different appearance and personality traits that work for them to fall for a guy. Showing your interest, letting her see who you are as a person and then reacting to her feelings towards you is all you can do.

    Some things make a person more attractive universally, though. Fitness, working through personal baggage, hygiene, good social skills. You CAN control these to broaden your appeal. But not everyone will like everyone...

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What Guys Said 5

  • Either be direct right from the start or talk to her like you would talk to anyone who is more than a friend. Even if you are in the 'friendzone' it's not hard to get out of, you just have to flirt, yeah it could perhaps make it too awkward for a friendship if a relationship doesn't come of it...

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  • Knowing the friend zone better than I'd have liked, there isn't anything you can do but move on. If someone girl or guy) decides she/he wants to be 'just friends' you can't do anything about it.
    I too friendzoned girls.

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  • There is no magical "way" or "formula" to approach women.You either going to get her or you're not. And it doesn't matter if you approach her as a friend or a possible date either. You will be able to get her If she thinks you are PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE.

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  • The ones that say the opposite are mostly girls, who have no idea how it feels to be in the friendzone. The direct approach will let you get over a girl much more quickly, while being friendzoned will leave you devastated for years. Take your pick.

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  • FACT : once a woman puts a guy In the friendzone he doesn't get out, women NEVER let guys out of the friendzone.

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