Girl says she doesn't want a serious relationship 'right now'?

Basically, I've been dating this girl now for about a month and a bit and it's obvious that we really like eachother and all that. However on one date when I offered her my hand while we were walking, she turned it down, only for me to later find out that she wants a casual relationship at the moment and not a serious one. This threw me off guard a bit, but I'm not that concerned it because I know that if I give her time, space and I make her feel valued, things might change. Before this, we were texting really regularly and I don't really want this to stop. What I don't know what to do now is this: should I give her some time (I know she's busy with work and stuff, I respect that) and let her try to initiate a Facebook conversation in the next couple of days, letting her know that i'm giving her space and not trying to rush things, or should I just try to speak to her everyday to show her that her telling me that she doesn't want a serious relationship at the moment hasn't put me off speaking to her. It's a tough choice I reckon, so I hope you guys can help :) Thanks!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think it necessarily means she isn't into you like some people are suggesting. She may just really enjoy spending time with you but is nervous that once it becomes more serious, all the stresses and complications of a relationship will follow. If you are okay with nothing serious, then tell her that, just say you enjoy spending time with her and that's fine with you. Maybe give her a few days after, then ask her to hang out like normal. :) Only stay with it until you start feeling bad about the situation, if it becomes to hard, be honest with her. It's one of those things where, you should try to put the idea of anything more out of your head, but know that there IS a possibility down the road. good luck!

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    • Thank you! Thing is I do want something serious to happen but I don't want her to feel obliged to accept it because she has other things to worry about. All of this has come at a really bad time to be honest. She's got family and friend issues, she works both day and night shifts, she's probs going to uni in a few months. If this had started in January or something, I can't help think that things would be much less complicated

    • Ooh yeah that totally makes sense! That sounds like a lot she's going through. My advice, just be there for her, make sure you're the breath of fresh air so to speak and I'm sure she'll recognize that when all this is said and done :) It may not happen for a while, it could possibly not happen at all, but if you feel comfortable waiting and finding out, just enjoy your time with her, however you're able to get it :)

    • She knows i'll always be there for her but the way she's been acting the last week or so, especially being so rude on the Friday date we had, makes me feel like i'm just wasting my time trying to be the nice guy all the time. This is the first time I've ever felt feelings for a girl in the whole 19 years i've been on this Earth and I want to let her know that my naivety and lack of experience in the whole thing is one of the main reasons why I perhaps didn't take things a bit slower. Now that I know all of this, I feel like I can really make something happen, I just want to let her know that

What Girls Said 2

  • She's not that interested.

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    • if that was the case then she would've told my friend (who is her best friend) over Skype and she would've then told me that she wasn't interested to save me time and effort. My friend wasn't supposed to tell me but she did, and what she told me is a 'casual relationship' because she can't really be dealing with a serious relationship this instant for understandable reasons

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    • I think you've already done all you can so it would be best to move on.

    • If she is into you she'll eventually come around and if she doesn't you didn't keep wasting your time.

  • She just doesn't want a serious relationship with you.

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    • ...Yet? I don't know whether if I play things right in the next month or so whether she might change that opinion.

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    • Okay. So she's scared. You can on strong asking her to be in a relationship and she probably thinks that the only reason you said that was so you could have sex with her and then dump her. She's afraid you're just going to use her for sex. What you ought to do is keep in touch with her for a little while so she can get used to the idea that you like her for her and don't just want sex. It's salvageable if you want it to be. Good luck!

    • But she was the person who brought up sex after only two and a half weeks on knowing each other, but I will do as you say and keep in contact because I do genuinely like her and I'm not the kind of guy who would use a girl like that,

What Guys Said 5

  • Don't dick around with someone who doesn't even bother to understand themselves. People like that are beneath me. You wanna sit on the fence, you do it without me.

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    • That's what i'm thinking. She's messed me around a lot the last month, giving me mixed messages and playing games and then turning round and acting surprised when I don't understand what she really wants. I'm proper annoyed and I'm not going to be played for a fool

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    • The question is though, I believe that she is worth fighting for to be in a relationship with. She obviously expressed an interest at one stage but I think she thinks that I've pressured her into starting a relationship, which I haven't at all. Her last relationship with her boyfriend was between a month of knowing him and a month of asking him out, it's been a month and a half now and she feels like I've pressured her into doing something. I've only asked her out on 2 dates and been on a night out in that period of time and to me that doesn't seem pushy to me, it's not like i've constantly asked her to come down and see me every other day after work. I just wanted her company when she came down because I felt happy when I was actually around her, and to comfort her when things were down. Is there anything I can do to make her understand that? I'm a different man now that I've realised that.

    • what could I do from here?

  • What does 'casual relationship' mean?

    Does this mean you're friends but you pay for dinner?

    Or does this mean you're friends with benefits and don't do romantic stuff so she doesn't get too attached?

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    • I don't really know to be honest mate haha, she's so hard to read it's unreal. We really like each other, shared a lot of secrets, made out in clubs, kisses end of messages, etc but I'd rather her just tell me straight what she wants from me in the next month or so. I know where being a friend with benefits can lead so I'm not worried about being that guy

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    • She outright told you she felt pressured by the relationship thing. Not the wanting to get in her pants thing.

      " i'd never have even considered it until when a relationship happened."

      I believe you -would- have had sex without a relationship, and I believe you -wouldn't- have judged her. But I think as soon as you said relationship, she had those worries. OR she was worried you couldn't hook up and NOT have a relationship, or it would hurt you. She maybe wanted to just bang and have fun and not talk for weeks and do it again. She's maybe worried what you'd think, but she's maybe also trying NOT to hurt you.

    • She hasn't outright told me that she felt pressured BY ME into a relationship, it seemed that other issues determined that as well. I never mentioned the world relationship ONCE at all in all this time, I kinda asked her out early-ish because it was pretty clear to me that she felt the same way I did

  • she can't handle it right now, but maybe in the future

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    • That's what I'm hoping, but I just don't know when the future will be, especially with her going to uni (not 100% yet, but probs)

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    • we like the people we might lose

    • I'm not losing her. One of her two uni options for September is my univeristy (Southampton), plus she only lives like 40 mins away

  • Someone tell me what a casual relationship is again... when I read that I just hear "friendship"

    Have you kissed or had sex with her yet OP

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    • We've made out in a club on a night out with a few of my friends and on that night she mentioned a week earlier that something would probably happen when we got back to my room, only for me to find out that nothing was going to happen (we were both pretty drunk at the time). I feel like she's kinda lead me on in this respect, using the prospect of sex as bait perhaps as 'kittykatg' above mentioned.

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    • I'm not going to be heartbroken at all because I'm not even sure myself if my feelings are that strong for her now than they were a few weeks back. She's been pretty rude recently, especially on the one date where she barely spoke and she acted like I wasn't there.

    • What do you make of the whole 'I feel a bit put off and pressured into a serious relationship' thing? Apart from asking her out a tad bit early (because of a bit of confusion between her friend and myself) I don't believe that I've done anything too forward and pushy at all. Ever since she said, after me asking her out, that she wanted to take things slow, I've done exactly that. I was going to wait for at least a month after I said that until I was going to ask her out again, and everything inbetween that time I think I've done fine, chatting away, asking her out on a second date, trying to hold her hand on that second date, and now she thinks that she's being pressured into something? I am so, so, so annoyed right now because it seems like it's all been my fault :(

  • I'd put her in the "not interested" category and focus my energy and time elsewhere.

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    • I guess you guys are right. I've put a lot of time and effort into developing this relationship and for her to play games with me like this (especially when i'm not exactly experienced in this field) is really crippling me on a daily basis.

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    • Well I don't have any other answer than the one I've given, so best of luck to you!

    • Cheers man, I think luck is something i'm gonna need

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