Is my approach to dating old fashioned?

I feel old fashioned in many ways, because if I like a girl, I'll make some small talk and then ask her out without necessarily knowing much, if anything about her. I view dating as the getting to know each other stage.

However it seems to me that people seem to want to become friends first or spend weeks/months getting to know the other person before going on dates.

Also why do some people attach such significance on going out on a 'date'? Call me silly, but I just see it as two people going out to socialize and have fun. Am I wrong to have this attitude?

Do I need to change my approach and attitude in this area?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your approach seems great.
    It's definitely to the point.

    Why waste weeks/months, when you can establish on the first date if you have interest in each other or not?
    That's really all it takes.

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    • ^Listen to her Asker she knows stuff.

    • Thanks and I agree, plus you get less drama! Imagine investing months in getting to know someone you like, you get deeper and deeper feelings, only for them not to reject you. That would be far more crushing than getting rejected from someone you don't really know.

      Plus dating is fun, I love that nervous feeling I get my stomach as I am getting dressed to impress. Then when you arrive at the meeting point and the palms of your hands are sweaty because you're nervous. I love those feelings.

    • Thanks for MH.

      Yes, dating is fun and definitely more direct.

What Girls Said 3

  • I used to be like you when I first got into dating. I would consider the dating part the get to know me part as well. It didn't turn out good for me.

    I realized if you can't function as friends you can't function as a couple. So you have to be capable of being friends first. All good relationships have a strong friendship foundation.

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    • That's fair enough, but I couldn't disagree more. You just have to see the amount of posts on here of men and women asking about how to tell their friend that they like them? Then you have posts about a friend telling another friend how much they like them and things not going to plan, the girl/guy's rejected them and is now proceeding to ignore them.

      At least with my approach I'm honest and direct. I believe you can enter into a relationship with someone without having a solid friendship beforehand and over time you can forge that bond.

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    • I have one female friend and we're not attracted to each other, in fact kissing her or anything would feel like incest to me and her.

    • Oh I see :)

  • I like your way. Now, it's hard to tell if a guy sees you as a girlfriend if you don't go on dates.

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    • Very true and a lot of people's problems seem to stem from not knowing where they stand with someone. I believe that you can enter a relationship with someone without being best friends but strengthen your bond over the course of time.

      The whole being friends first or spending months getting to know someone seems like a waste of time.

  • You're not old fashioned. People just have different approaches. Both makes sense and both have their advantages and disadvantages

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What Guys Said 7

  • girls dont understand that anymore. they think that dating is a relationship. or that you need to be friends first. dating is getting to someone, you're allowed to date multiple people at once as long as they know you are

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    • That sort of thinking just baffles me, dating is dating it's the process which leads to a potential relationship or it leads to nowhere. I've always seen dating as the getting to know each other stage, it's also a chance to experience new activities and socialize in a relaxed atmosphere.

    • people these days are like "all or nothing", either in a relationship, or nothing at all. there's no dating anymore. i think its due to women being able to work (not having time)

  • I think you're fine and the way you do things is fine.

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    • Thanks man, I'm just going to stick with this approach, it's not serving me well at the moment, but I'd rather not chase, pursue or play petty games.

  • Not old fashioned, it's actually better that way I think. You get to know someone as a potential love interest, and not as a friend

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  • Seems to me people hook up before they know each other these days , doing everything backward

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    • I could never do that man, it's just not in my nature.

    • Yeah it truly isn't worth it, but the way people are programmed these days are to feel like they are missing out on something, which is never the truth

  • I think you're right, but a lot of girls nowadays seem to freak out about the concept of a 'date'.

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    • Which just confuses me as dates should be relaxed and fun, nothing to freak out about.

  • Your approach is fine. It's not old fashioned. It's the way it should be done.

    The guys/gals who think becomin friends first, almost always fall into the trap known as the friendzone, where they create a friendship that the girl doesn't want to risk by making the guy something more than a friend.

    Just keep doing what you're doing. Asking a girl out in order to get to know her better, is the smart thing to do.

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    • Thanks man! I'll stick with what I'm doing, at least I'm being honest about my intentions from the get go.

  • If most of us saw things your way, there would be much less bullshit games in the sexual marketplace.

    Hats off to you.

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    • Thanks man! I echo your sentiments. Too much game playing just makes me roll my eyes.

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    • I just wanted to know whether I needed to change my approach. I'm always looking to be better person to improve and rectify my approach.

    • I was genuinely worried.

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