A girl I've gone out with a couple times suddenly stopped texting me. She used to text me all the time and now she seems like she is withdrawing. Why?

I met a woman through work and we started texting. After about a week or two of this she asked me to go watch a sports game with her at a bar. We hit it off and started making out. She told me the next day she had been seeing someone but they were on a break while he "figured stuff" out with his ex who still lives with him. I asked her if that meant she didn't want to see me again and she said she did. We spent the next weekend together and even went to an island for the day. We kissed a few times there too. Ever since we got back she has become more and more distant. I asked her if she wanted to hang out during the week, nothing crazy and she told me she wanted a "me" day. I figured no big deal. She just spent both her days off with me so I brushed it off. I gave her a few days then I texted her to say hi. She made some small talk and then abruptly said "well I'm off to bed". It's 9:30pm. My grandma doesn't even go to bed that early. She has been very honest with me, so I think she would just say if she doesn't want to see me anymore. But I'm feeling signals that she's trying to give me a hint without coming out and saying it. What should I do? I was going to ask her to lunch this weekend but now I don't see the point. One side note I have been divorced for a year but I haven't told her yet. I thought it was something I should tell her in person, not over text, but the right moment hasn't come up, plus until we went to the island I didn't really know we had anything going and I didn't want to saying anything about it then because I didn't want it to distract from the day. Should I have told her? They don't really put out a manual for this sort of thing and some people say you should say it on the first date, some say wait a couple and see where it is going. If I do see her again, I am definitely telling her whether there is a good time or not, because I don't believe in holding things back. It will only make things worse. Did I wait too long?

Just to give an update to the situation. We are both from a particular part of the country, and I sent her something you can only get there and she was blown away. Now I'm getting texts with smiley faces again. I think she is confused. Anyone?
Asked this girl out again and she said no she had plans. 2nd time this week denied. Anyone think I should just straight up ask her if she has any feelings for me? I think she must, because she has kissed me multiple times on more than one occasion.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Or you can stop wondering and just ask her. Be straight up with her and ask her if this is the part where she all of a sudden puts you off to the side and stops talking to you because of the guy she was seeing...because if she's gunna do that to just let you know now..tell her you won't be mad you just don't wanna feel played with and you completely understand. I'd much rather someone tell me the honest truth than to be wasting my time playin kid games and having me catch feelings.. I don't like that.

    • I agree. I'm just trying to figure out how to do that without scaring her off. Having a talk about where things are going two weeks into seeing someone isn't exactly something I would usually do. If I didn't like this girl so much, I would have just let it go because if I can't figure her out now, it's not worth it. However, she is worth working for in my opinion. I just need to make sure my "working for it" isn't fighting an unwinnable battle. There is a fine line between working for someone who is worth it, and not taking a hint. I will say this though, this girl makes me want to do things I have never wanted to do for any other woman in my life. I got hit and hit hard by this one!!! Having been married and going through a relationship that isn't right, I can honestly say she is everything I would ever want in someone. It just feels so amazing when I am with her. Even the first time we hung out. No awkward conversations, or silences, just conversation like I've known her for years.

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    • Or she could just need some time to figure out what the heck happened. I mean two weeks ago we knew each other casually. Now all of a sudden something is going on. I think it could be that she needs some time to stop and think about what is happening. I know she is a good person. I just find it really hard to believe she has no feelings for me. It's not that I don't want to see it for what it is, I just know she isn't the type to just hook up with someone with no feelings for them. She is the one who asked me out originally. I'm just going to sit back and see what happens. Maybe in a week or so I'll try one more time. She might just need some space right now and I think me backing off a bit is my only option. I've read on her FB that she likes to be pursued too. It is possible to have feelings for more than one person. I've had that before. She is an upfront person too so I also think she would straight up tell me if she had no feelings for me. I don't know. Time will tell!

    • Well that's exactly what she did. We had a good talk. She told me she had feelings for me, but it wouldn't be right to keep doing what we were doing because she wants to see where this other relationship is going to go. I can't for the life of me understand why someone would want to wait around for a person who they had been with for a month and already had to take a break. But I think I should just back off now and watch her situation crumble. I could continue to spend time with her as she suggested, but I'd be torturing myself. Unless it reminds her of what she could have, but I think I've already planted that seed. I'm just going to get over her because every time I have gotten over someone in the past they find a way back into my life. If she doesn't at least I'm over her!!


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What Girls Said 2

  • i think she's confused with her feelings and those days that she's been seeing you is more like a rebound hmmm thats what i think okay, but i dont know maybe she kinda likes you too in a manner of you being there for her. why dont you guys talk and make thingsz clear out so you won't wait for nothing, and also tell her about you being married the last time i know she won't mind and im hoping she will understand.

    • @queenpinwin I agree. I definitely think she's confused as well. I think she likes me or she would not kiss me multiple times. However, with this other guy in the picture, it probably is messing with her head quite a bit. Although, she couldn't have been seeing him for more than a month, so I wouldn't think it would be anything serious. I'm just afraid having "the talk" will freak her out since we've only been seeing each other for a couple weeks. It's obvious that I like her, so I think it's only fair to me. The problem I have is this is the hardest, and fastest I have ever fallen for anyone, including my ex-wife. We have so much in common it's a little scary. I mean she asked me if I could go anywhere in the world where would I go? When I told her she had this weird look on her face and said that would be hers too. Then she asked my second and she said hers was the same as well!! I've never had that happen before in my fifteen years of "real" dating.

  • Hmm that's a hard one. I've been talking to this guy for a few months & it seems the same way sometimes tbh I'm lost lol

    • I can tell you from a guy's perspective, if he doesn't take time to text you, he probably either isn't as interested, or he might be seeing someone else as well. All guys are different though. How old is this guy? Age makes a huge difference! I would be totally different five years ago, than I am now. But, if you've been doing this for a few months, I don't see how having "the talk" would hurt. Wouldn't you like to know where you stand? I'm a little leery of doing that because I have only been seeing this girl for a few weeks. Having a serious talk now might freak her out. Of course in my situation I don't think it would hurt to ask her how she feels about seeing me which is what I'm probably going to do. I know I scored major points by sending this girl something that is her favorite that she can't get where we live. Her best friend thought it was awesome too. So seems like we are both in a little of a predicament!!

    • I'm 22 he'll be 21. Like I do like him but I'm afraid of asking how he feels. I've been hurt bad like a month before I met him. Maybe I moved into liking someone else too fast idkk. & yea a few weeks isn't that Long so I'd just give it a little time

What Guys Said 2

  • Maybe she realized she liked you..and is all shy...

    didint even read it lol

  • I usually put it down to a sign of disinterest.

    • I would too. But the girls who work in my office that seem to be taking interest say there is no way she would kiss me multiple times if she wasn't interested. I have to take their word. As a guy, I have definitely kissed girls I wasn't that into.