Is he falling for me? Gosh I hope he isn't...?

We've had sex just a handful of times, and now we're just friends, and we hang out a lot. Like at least once a week. Sometimes two nights on the weekend. (It's too easy for us to hang out because we're next door neighbors).

But anyway, we watch late night movies together or just hang out reading together till late, and lately the past two weeks I've started sleeping over till morning. We just fall asleep halfway through reading or whatever.

Starting last weekend, he kissed me on the cheek in my sleep. 2 days ago I slept over again and he did it again in the morning. This last Friday he asked me to go to his place when I get home from dinner, and I asked him what was up. He'd drank a bottle of wine and said, "I just missed you so I told you to come over."

From the start, with the sex, we both agreed it'd be casual. I don't want him to be falling for me :( I love our friendship and on the other hand he's not someone I want as a boyfriend.

I don't know how I'd reject him. More importantly, I'm worried our friendship will fracture if I start going out with a new guy. I don't want to be stuck to my neighbor and be disallowed a dating life.

He's 9 years older than me :( And >i< haven't dated enough guys. :( I REFUSE to let my dating experiences end with him!!! If anyone can please please please try to understand that...
Will it help if I start fucking some other guy? Maybe that will clear the air really fast.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Meh, he probably is. But you can do things to remedy that without being a cunt about it.

    1. I don't know if you're still having sex, if you are, cut back.
    2. Stop hanging out so much, go out and make sure he knows you have a life outside of him that he's not included in.
    3. When he invites you over, sometimes just tell him you have a date. You don't have to "start fucking some other guy" - just reinforce the idea that you're NOT dating him and NOT going to pursue a relationship with him and that you ARE out playing the field.

    If you just go out and start nailing someone else while he's developing feelings, you're just going to create a rift and make him hurt and angry. When you do start fucking someone else, don't TELL him about it, it's none of his business. If he ASKS you if you're seeing/dating/fucking anyone else, you REMIND him that you agreed to keep things casual, and that you don't ask him about his dating life.

    • Oops, we're still having sex once in a while. I am totally uninterested in sex but I find it hard to decline a blowjob because I feel like I owe it to him in that situation. Even tho I know you can't owe anyone sexual favors but I feel as though if a guy wants one I don't know how to say "drop dead it's a no." I don't want him to feel that there's something wrong with his dick or his general attractiveness.

    • Dear you dont owe him a blow job, or anything else. But still you need to tell him you are not interested in sex. You are in a situation where you are stuck because you feel you are obligated to this guy. if you want out, then tell him you want to remain friends and not sleep together every once in a while. Thats a no. See you are worried about how he feels on one hand, but are willing to drop a piano on his head to break up with him. Just tell him flat out and be done with it.


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What Guys Said 6

  • So you go over, spend hours and hours with him. spend the night, act like his girl friend, then when he starts to fall for you, you decide that you need a new fuck buddy? Gee lady aren't you a piece of work. Maybe your idea of casual and mine is different but you didn't treat it as casual. Also you comment about your dating experiences won't end with him comment? really? wow thats just I dont even know. Maybe instead of just going out and screwing some other guy you could talk to your "friend" to make sure he understands where you stand. If you go out and screw someone else and then tell him about it like its no big deal you are going to ruin your friendship. Though I think you have been telling yourself you are just friends so you dont get attached. It sounds to me like you are up a creek.

    • Show All
    • If you find someone more compatible then by all means go with that. Just the way you were talking it sounded more like you were not considering him. But being that you add this new info it changes the perspective totally. Because if this guy is leading you on and keeping you at arms length except for when he wants to sleep with you then there is something wrong. I dislike people who act like this guy. Honestly I understand being myself, but I also know how to treat people and be respectful of their feelings. It seems to me that he is just taking what he wants. I am not sure that he is going to be too keen on you two being friends if you stop fooling around with him. He figures you are in some kind of something with him, so why should he put forth the effort. Get out while you can, and to be honest find a better friend.

    • Actually... now that you have provided these insights, it makes sense for me to give him a chance. Because he has started to make small efforts. He no longer gives me ambiguous meet-up times and stands me up, he bought apples for me yesterday as part of his grocery shopping because he knows I always look for apples because they're my favourite thing to eat, he has taken the time to coach me on my first ever play audition yesterday and the day before, and he asked me to join him for chow at dinner time last night just because he wanted to do that together. He lets me sit on his lap when we watch things on his computer at his desk, and he cares when I go out late at night.

      Maybe this jerkwad could be a keeper after all for all we might know...

  • Ah, I love it when people have a stunted sense of intimacy.

    This kinda shit happens and they always wonder why.

    That's like punching yourself in the face and asking, "What the hell happened?"

  • If a guy likes being friends with you, and likes having sex with you, and isn't pulling hotter girls...

    He's gonna want to date you. the whole 'we're friends but i don't feel that way' doesn't tend to exist for men.

    • What do you mean by "we're friends but I don't feel that way"?

  • Okay then, you go ahead and sow your wild oats, but don't expect that guy to still be around waiting for you when you "get ready" to date him

    • I realised that we might be falling for each other... and I also realised that that scares me shitless.

    • Well, you're at a crossroads then, and you should seriously consider what move you're going to make and which side of the bridge you're going to settle on

    • I'm emotionally stunted. That's why I was scared. Maybe. Not sure.

  • And this is why you don't fuck your friends...

  • He is so you better run like bad cheese on a chilidog.


What Girls Said 2

  • You're already in a relationship with him, he is dependent on you for affection and it seems you are dependent on him to feel good about yourself. It makes you feel good to do things for him, to take care of him. But if you aren't into it, breakup with him, however the friendship is not likely to survive

  • If you don't want to date him you might want to stop spending the night and such, I think he is falling for you or he will soon.

    • DAMN IT!!

      I need to find someone else to cuddle, FAST.

    • Show All
    • As in...I never used to cuddle anyone I wasn't attracted to, but I actually have to find someone who is attractive enough that I'll be willing to get into a relationship with him should he find he's developing feelings.

    • So his attractiveness is what you don't like about him?