I've gone out with a girl a couple times. Both times we ended up making out. The timing on it is horribly wrong though. What should I do?

This girl and I definitely have an attraction with each other. But, we have both been honest upfront with each other as well with me being recently divorced and her recently starting seeing a guy. I asked her flat out if she has feelings for me, and she said yes, but she said she is going to see where it goes with this other guy. I should mention that they were on a break when we first went out and neither one of us expected to be making out after first hanging out. She said she would still like to hang out only for now it will have to be in a different way and not do "couple" things. I was about to tell her I think it's a terrible idea because I have feelings for her and I can't just turn them off. Undoubtedly if we hung out and drank at all we'd end up making out again. So that brings me to my main question. Should I do that knowing what will happen and try to pull her away from the other guy, or do I take the high road and give her space to see where her relationship with that guy will go? I don't see how in the world we could just be friends after what has already happened. I do have a tremendous amount of respect for this girl, but I know the other guy is not right for her. He still lives with his ex and they are "figuring stuff out" right now. I am generally a good guy, but I also have no problem going after what I want. It would be pretty selfish for me to purposely try and wreck their relationship for my own personal gain, but isn't this all about survival of the fittest? I would like some opinions on what people think. Thanks!

Updates:
She texted me again that she still wants to "hang out". Why? What is the point? It's almost like she enjoys spending time with me she doesn't want to let me go, but at the same time told me flat out she is going to see what happens with the other guy
I've decided to let it go for now. I think if she texts me and wants to hang out I will, but if she doesn't I'm just going to leave it be for now. She has to figure things out on her own, and me constantly wanting to see her is not a good look for me

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Give her space and what's meant to be will be. If you do anything to break them up, she could end up resenting you for it.

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    • I agree. I wouldn't want to intentionally do that either because I genuinely care for her. I just don't get it. She told me flat out she has feelings for me. She said "how could I not, you are so wonderful to me". I thought I could brush this off and play it cool, but to be honest, it's driving me nuts. I'm crazy about this girl in a way I've never felt before and it's actually freaking me out. I have been around for a while, and have been in a lot of relationships, short, long, and even a marriage. Yet, this girl has me hooked! I know I need to let it go, but this is seriously one of the hardest things I've had to do in a while. I have no idea what it is about this girl that has me so leveled. Before you even say it, I'm not going to get weird on her or even let on it's bothering me so much. That would ruin any chance I have in the future. I just don't see why she would want to pursue a guy she had to take a break from a month into their relationship because he lives with his ex?

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    • Absolutely maintain contact with her! And ask her to lunch if you want to, but only if you think she'll go with you. She's not married so there's nothing wrong with trying to court her. Just make sure you don't ever talk negative about the other guy she's seeing as it would only make you look bad. She'll come to her own conclusion about him sooner or later. Other than that, by all means do what you got to do to win her heart! Its a competitive world out there... and may the best man win! ;)

    • It's impossible to tell if she will! She said we should still hang out once in a while, but I'm trying to figure out if that was just her trying to be nice and let me down easy. She did text me yesterday and ask me how my week was going so I will take that as a good sign at least she's thinking about me. She's a tough nut to crack this one. I still can't believe I broke my own rules about falling for someone so fast. It has made this whole situation quite difficult!

What Girls Said 1

  • Tell her what you think of her!

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    • As someone who has been in this situation before and (somehow) is in it again, I can tell you for a certainty that telling her what he thinks of her will have zero sway. She has it in her head that something might go well with this guy and she is going to have to figure out that it won't for herself. The best course of action for him is to let it happen but still be around so she knows what she is missing. Once she starts to figure it out, then he can start to tell her what he thinks of her. She will be far more receptive then.

      But think about some guy you have an interest in. He seems like a pretty great guy, though you don't know much about him. He's cute and makes you laugh. He pays an ample amount of attention to you and you really want to see where it goes. Then this other guy you know and could maybe like comes and tells you you're beautiful and wonderful and everything he wants in the world. You're going to go with the guy who has already been giving you attention.

    • She knows. We had the "talk". She and I have talked about loyalty and she said since she was with him first she feels like she should see where it goes. Like I said, neither one of us expected to get drunk and start making out, but it happened. Twice. I know she is attracted to me, she admitted it to me. That's why I think by her admitting that, then saying we can still hang out is like her almost inviting me to wedge between them. I think I'm going to give her space though, because that relationship is bound to fail on it's own. I mean the guy still lives with his ex!!! I have been around for a bit and know that those never work out. Well almost never. I'd come off as a more respectful guy by doing that and letting whatever happens on it's own happen.

    • @RedRhyno you are 100% correct. The only difference is, we have actually told each other how we felt. I know she is attracted to me, she has told me. But, like you said, she had a complicated situation when I came along, hence the bad timing. She has it in her head that she is going to see what happens with this other guy, but I think telling me she still wants to hang out is almost inviting me to slide between them. I think I should take the high road and not, because in my life experiences, she and that other guy are not going to work. I think it's better that I am the respectful guy and is there to remind her what she is giving up. She told me she couldn't help herself from making out with me because she has so much fun with me and it puts her in a good place. So I think I will let things run their course of action and if and when she figures it out, I might be there. Of course I might not be too!

What Guys Said 2

  • I completely feel your situation. I'm going to have to suggest that you give her space. I am currently in the same situation. Nothing you say to her will win her over. It just won't. She is going to have to see that it won't work out with this other guy. But completely pulling away isn't going to do any good either. Keep hanging out, keep talking to her, and don't let her forget who she is giving up. Be yourself and go with the flow. If you end up making out, just go with it. It will remind her that she likes you. But at the same time don't press. If she starts saying no, you might be in trouble. I'm not saying it won't be difficult to watch. It will likely seem easier to just let her go and move on. If you like her, don't. Stick with it and it will work out in the end.

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    • I agree. It should work itself out, probably sooner rather than later.

    • I wish you luck sir. And I hope my situation resolves itself that way as well.

  • Take the high road and give her space, especially since the timing isn't ideal for you right now. But get your own stuff sorted, so that the timing is better. Then keep an eye on the situation because it sounds like it's going to fall apart all on its own. And when it does, swoop in.

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    • My stuff is in order. I'm good. I was thinking that too. I'm 35 and have seen my share of relationships. How she doesn't know it's a bad situation for her is beyond me. There is no way I'd ever date a girl who still lived with their ex!! Plus I think that would make me look more respectful and like you said, that one is bound to fall apart on it's own and then I can be there to pick up the pieces and make her realize she made a bad decision without being a dick about it.

    • Let me give some youngin flare to this. I historically havn't handled these situations well. I often border on over confidence (the way only a 21 year old can) and sometimes fall over that fence. Being up front and telling her how she makes you feel (all guns a blazin style) doesn't really ever work, especially with another guy on her mind. She might hear it but she will want it to be coming from him. Be calm and when the time is right swoop in. At 35 you are probably far better at that than this poor 21 year old.

    • I don't know necessarily that I'm better at it, I have just done it more times that's all. As you can see it doesn't get any easier with age!! They were only seeing each other for a month before they had to take a break so he could get his stuff in order. That's not a good indicator for her, and I'm wondering what kind of magical powers this guy has where she would even consider waiting for him to get it figured out! But I guess it's the same for me, because she is basically telling me she needs to figure things out herself and I'm not running for the hills just yet. It's just a weird situation. I hate to do this because I thought I was past the games age, but I think I need to go out with some other hot women and have her see/know about it and for some reason that always has worked for me! It's something about not wanting someone until you can't have them that works on all of us!!

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