Will He Ever Commit? What Does He Mean?

I recently had an intense conversion via text with a guy that I like. We both like each other, actually. The feelings that we have are quite mutual. Just a few days ago he admitted to me that he loved me. But anyway, I am concerned about whether or not he will ever commit. We have known each other for quite some time. He talks about a future with me (children, marriage, etc.) But he hasn’t made me his girlfriend. Now, this guy is not a virgin, but I am. I have made it very clear to him that I will not lay down with him outside the confounds of marriage. Luckily, he accepts my standards and has said that he accepts my uniqueness and values my purity. Now, he has never said “I do not want a relationship with you,” actually, when I asked him why he doesn’t want one he replied saying, “says who?” He told me that because I am “penis shy” he is afraid that he may hurt me and that his genitals will not fit inside me. Basically, he said that he doesn’t want to make me uncomfortable. After processing his response, I couldn’t wrap my head around his reason for not proceeding in a relationship with me. I asked him, if he wants to marry me how does he propose to get there without being my boyfriend first? And plus, if we were to date there would be no sex, so his “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable” response is stupid. It just seems as though he is punishing me for my decision to be a virgin. I figured that guys value girls who are willing to save themselves for that one special person, rather than sharing before marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I am not sorry for my decision to be and remain a virgin, because I know that’s what God wants. But I don’t understand this guy’s response.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ask him. It's as easy as that. Or if you are shy if he pops a question or he opened something related to that, ask him, "are you trying to ask me if you want me to be your girlfriend or not?" Or "are you telling me if we can be in a serious relationship?". Deliver it in a nice way. Then your next step will depend on what he will answer you. :)

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    • I have asked him. As a matter of fact, that's the whole reason I asked the question on this forum. He didn't tell me that he didn't want a relationship, but he told me that he didn't want to "hurt me" or "make me uncomfortable." (refer back to my initial post)

    • Okay then, walk away. Maybe you'll think it' easy for me to say that but a real man won't leave his woman clueless, hanging and confused if he is really interested in you he knows what he wants. Don't settle yourself to a guy who can't make up his mind.

    • Thanks!

What Guys Said 1

  • He said he loves you, has talked about a future with you. It seems like y'all are in a relationship anyways. Depending on if he has before/ size/ things like that, he might be worried about the virgin thing, but if things are supposed to work out, they probably will. Why not ask him out? There is the possibility that he's not ready for a commitment right now.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Dont worry girl you will find the right one. I admire you that your still a virgin if I cpuld go back I probably would wait until marriage. Screw anyone who wo wait for u. I say that guys a jerk n probably wants to test the water before furthering anything.

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