Why don't women approach men and ask them out?

If a woman sees a man she likes or knows a man that she likes then why doesn't she ask him out? Why do women still wait for the man to do it?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've asked guys out and made the first move...

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    • How did that work out for you? Was it successful? Did you face rejection? Would you ask a guy out again?

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    • Oh sorry, I mean a healthy attitude to get over it quickly. Best not to dwell on small defeats, but the little victories.

    • It's very rare for me to crush on a girl, so when I do I want to get to know her better and what better way to do that then to ask her out? I just haven't been fortunate yet, whether I am doing something wrong or I'm just unlucky, I couldn't possibly comment on that as I just don't know.

      I agree, I just get over it, sure it hurts for a day and then I accept it for what it is and move on. There's no point crying over spilt milk, I'm just going to mop it up and go forth...

What Girls Said 11

  • Although I have done it before, sadly, what happens is that *most* men still view it as the girl being more valuable IF he chases her. So if a girl asks them out, purses them, it leads to him not doing any of the work in the relationship and taking her for granted. Since girls know this and see with their own hurts and end up hurt by it, they pretty much stop doing it. Guys might SAY how much they want a girl to ask them out, but when they do, how they treat that girl is a world of difference. If guys didn't do that, and if girls knew they'd still be appreciated and valued by the guy, they'd keep on doing it.

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    • You raise valid points but in truth I don't like chasing a woman, in fact I dislike it so much that I will ask a girl out as soon as possible so I am not wasting my time or her time.

      Would I think less of a girl has displays the courage to ask me out? No! I'd be flattered and she would receive the utmost respect.

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    • I had a new thing with a guy developing and though he chased me initially, we had a silly little fight and I knew he was probably embarrassed but I tried to make him see I was sorry - I was nice AND I did initiate some texts yet he was distant and not doing any work to keep things going. I walked away feeling he didn't like me anymore. So if guys showed girls they were HAPPY and interested, then girls wouldn't feel they had to wait on guys.

    • Very true, I cannot disagree with any of what you've said.

  • The biggest problem has already been mentioned, societal conformity and gender performance roles. Obviously there are exceptions to the rules on both sides, some men are shy and need a little coaxing and some women are more outgoing and will take the initiative if they are interested enough... but those two groups are more exceptions to the rule.

    Problem is, men and women spend their whole lives learning how to behave appropriately. Men as rule learn that they are supposed to be go getters, often the ones in charge and in the lead... especially in matters of relationships. Women spend their lives learning through media, through relatives and through social conformity that we are better off being a little more demure so to speak. There is a shift happening, and the world has come a long way in the last 50 years. But, here's something to mull over, look at the rule that women are allowed to propose to men during leap years on the 29th of February.

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  • I've asked men out.

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  • Maybe because I'm naturally shy but this actually happened to me the other day. A guy approached me at my work while I was carrying carnations and he smiled widely at me and asked me if the flowers were for him XD I kinda got shy and laughed and said no but I would have loved to ask him out... The thing is that I just feel odd doing it if I don't see the person on a regular basis and such. It's like a cold pick up and I don't know the guy would have to do it because than I'd feel like I was chasing him haha

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    • You should ask a guy out at least once, it's a good experience haha! Just not when you're rejected.

  • Becuz I am too scared and I think the guy usually asks the girl out so tht why I wait for man to do it. But then I reject him becuz I get too scared to say yes so I'm stupid there is no point for me waiting. :/

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  • i've done it before

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  • It's intimidating. Girls like guys who initiate.

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    • I bet they do and I don't blame them for it either. If I like a girl, I will ask her out no questions asked. Unfortunately there are guys who are too shy to do so. So if you like a guy, he likes you but hasn't initiated any moves, then surely you should ask?

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    • oh I mean just make her more comfortable with the though of taking her out. go out for coffee or just something she enjoys but ask her, her schedule

    • I do like her, but I am not outcome dependent, I will try and talk to her, get her comfortable, but I want a bit of action from her in showing me that she's interested because at this moment in time, there's no way I'm asking her out again. She has to some signs of high interest and I don't think that is me being unreasonable.

  • I think we are scared that they might not like us may I ask why are u asking this?
    If that's ur case then why dont u ask him out? Instead of asking this?

    But other than that I think cause we are scared they might say no or won't like us plus isn't the guy the one that's supposed to ask the girl out

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  • Because that's a mans job

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    • Yeah I definitely get your point. It would suck to get rejected from a girl you like alike. I just wouldn't approach. I just think when a man approaches he's must likely alpha and aggressive. It's hard to explain.

    • Well I've never been called an alpha or aggressive before, I'll take that as a compliment.

  • 1. Shy 2. Scared of rejection 3. Society labels women who approach men as "thirsty" I know it's stupid so women try to avoid it. I'm 1&2! The only time I actually speak to guys first is when their friends with my friends or sitting/standing right beside me. Even during those time I get all tongue tied and stutter haha, guys make me go completely flabbergasted,

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    • Why are people so bothered about wider society? I actually respect people who ask because I know a lot of people won't do it.

    • They care about what society says because a lot of people are influence by it. Toms of guys call women thirsty or a "thot" if she tries to approach him because guys are suppose to chase and get the girl not the other way around. I for one thinks it's find to talk or text a guy first I've done it a lot of times and they didn't really care about it.

  • Fear of rejection, shy or just flat out chicken like I am

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What Guys Said 7

  • I knoooow huh? Why do we have to do all the work?

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  • Because that could potentially involve them being rejected, and we can't have that, now can we?

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    • Well surely that's better than sitting around wondering why guys don't approach them or why the guy they like hasn't made a move? Taking the initiative is better than doing nothing at all, right?

  • Because most women either

    Don't have to ask men out (the pretty girls that get approached all the time)

    or

    are too terrified of getting rejected. (see the threads on here of 'OMG why wont' he ask me out?' )

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  • been this way for way too long, tradition, old habits die hard

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  • tell me about it pisses me off

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  • Because men stupidly took the role of asking out centuries ago. women were relieved that they never have to risk their confidence and most will never let go of this benefit. I have heard of women (on here only though) asking guys out but I have yet to meet any women in real life that have asked a guy out.

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  • Because they don't want their fragile little ego's hurt. And they call men pussies when they themselves won't ever ask a man out. Hypocrites!

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