Why is this considered racist? help me out please?

i'm new here and really need some advice.

okay so I was with my friends last night and when we went over to this guy's house, he was having a party with music. anyway we're there and one of my friends Allie is like "hey you should start dancing with those guys over there." I noticed that all the guys dancing were black, I said "no I'm okay I don't want to dance," and she's like "why not? they're cute, don't you want to meet some guys and start dating?", I told her "no they're just not my type, I don't date outside my race." after I said that she looked at me so shocked, then she called me a racist for not wanting to date outside my race. It was so embarrassing cause it was in front of everyone and I just left after that cause everyone gave me rude stares. I'm not a racist, I accept everyone no matter their skin color! it's just when it comes to dating and meeting guys I prefer white guys cause I'm white, I can't help who I'm attracted to. The whole thing really upset me. why is this considered racist?


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What Guys Said 30

  • It's not racist if you have a preference. By narrowing it down to one race though, you're missing out on a lot of good people :)

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  • -_-...

    ...

    ... Racist.

    LMAO! Just kidding! It's perfectly natural - especially at your age - to want to stay with what's familiar. I don't even think "white guys" are your "type" yet. Considering that your story suggests you haven't really *started* dating yet, it's all still "unknown territory" to you and it gets you nervous... so naturally you'd want it as familiar as it possibly can be; you wouldn't want another "unknown" added to the mix just yet.

    After you've dated for a spell maybe then you'll solidify your type.

    BTW, we're all the same race, just different ethnicity and skin tones.

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  • Even though it wasn't, your friend thought it was because, in this liberal society, a lot of people have forgotten what racism and sexism truly is. Now, since liberals generally don't have logic on their side (though there are some exceptions), they use guilt to try and shame you into doing what they want and living your life the way that they want you to. It's annoying. I agree with those who said that you might be missing out on some great people by limiting it to one race, but you can't control whom you are or aren't attracted to.

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  • Racist is actually a combination of prejudice and a belief that a race is superior over another.

    It has nothing to do with personal preferences. If you are not attracted to a race then so be it. It's not racist.

    If you demean a person based on race because you believe they are beneath you then it's racist.

    Statements that cast negative light on a race based on prejudice is also racist. Like 'Asians can't drive'. Or 'white men can't jump'. Most racist movie title ever but hey - racism seems ok if it's against whites. You could never make a movie called 'black men can't swim'.

    There are so many double standards and witch hunting anymore the true lines are blurred.

    There is no reason you have to like or prefer any race and no amount of social pressure should change that.

    Now if you treat people as inferior based on race - then it's racist.

    Your ignorant friend was wrong to make a scene. Have her google racism. If she doesn't see her mistake - then it looks like community college is in her future.

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  • I guess exploring why you don't like to date black guys deeper would be a better way to know if you are racist...

    but at face value I wouldn't say you are racist as much as you have preferences in terms of whole you'll date.

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  • Yesterday, my girlfriend and my best female friend were at my place. My friend wanted to visit YouTube, but as she started typing, YouPorn showed up first :D. When I saw it, I was going 'phew' at first because my girl wasn't in the same room. Then my idiot friend shouted out her discovery.

    If you ask me -I hate racists- you have done nothing wrong. Since you said you have no problem with color, you are in the clear. I too prefer white girls just because I do, not because I hate black ones and want them to burn. Keyboard activists should put a leash on themselves and accept that dating is, in it's essence, a game of preference of external appearance.

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  • some people use rassism way to quickly. It's okay not to date outside your race. It only becomes a problem if you don't want other people to date outside their race either.

    I think she's ignorant of the term. In my mind you are not racist. If you were you would either be giving dirty looks to anyone not white at the party or turned around and left the second you seen one.
    to me rassism is when you push your views on others or beat someone up about it.

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  • Your entitled to date your race preference and no it doesn't make you racist
    my late maternal grandma was full blooded Scots she believed that you can
    be friends with any race but don't marry within another race and trust me
    none of us are judgmental. Don't let people put you on guilt trip on who
    date cause people do it they call us stereo type they use that right away on us
    we are all entitled to date our preference but you need separate yourself from
    people who are like your friend.

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  • It's called "Preference" not racism.
    Your friend is definitely an idiot :P

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  • I fully understand you haven't seen a black guy u find physically attractive yet. You can't help who you're attracted to.

    ---

    If u happened to come across a black guy that u found attractive and had similar interests and personality compatibility with you...
    ...
    ... would u be open to dating him, or at least dancing with him at a party?

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  • Don't let others opinions matter to you. You don't like black men, simple. And it's not racist, people are just too sensitive.

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  • That isn't racist at all. It doesn't sound like you're making a choice to only like white guys. You just naturally like white guys... nothing you can really do about it. Anyone who shames you for that is shallow. It's like saying gay guys are sexist because they won't date girls. Like, what the fuck. There is nothing wrong with being who you are.

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  • It maybe the way you put it, it's a sensitive subject so choose your words carefully and wisely. Instead of saying you don't date outside of your race maybe go a little bit more into why like because of cultural difference or you feel like you won't have much in common? I don't know just trying to help avoid the conflict in the future with your friends.

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  • I don't think that's racist at all. I can't explain why, but love is like a sacred ground where nothing makes sense. Anyone is fair to give any reason at all for why they don't like to date.

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  • I wouldn't call it racist, just close-minded

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  • its not... people are just really stupid... I know because my family is racist as all hell... Well at least my dad and brother is, Im not... But that's not racist at all those people are really just fucking stupid and when ur friend gets knocked up by some black gangbanger u can just sit back and tell her "i told u so"

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  • Its not racist, your friend wanted to dance with black and you didnt, she should not have put you down

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  • Nothing racist. Some people are just offended when you want give your body to everyone. Equality doesn't mean you can force everyone to date. It's too bad the people at the party were overly sensitive.

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  • its ok we voted in a communist muslim dictater because of skin color and free things.

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  • No you are not racist. They were racist for calling you racist.
    It's rashit!

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  • Just want to point out she didn't say she wasn't attracted to them, she said she doesn't want to dance with them becase they are "outside of her race" that's a racial prejudice, of course it's not illegal, and it shouldn't be but, it still makes you a racist, maybe not kkk but, racially prejudiced. Now you're friends can asses your behaviour and decide how they feel about "your sort", as is their right.

    If you weren't attracted to them, because black skin is a turnoff for you, then that's a preference you don't have control over, but if you are conciously forcing yourself away from people you are attracted because of their skin colour... I just don't know how that's not racist...

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  • First off, couple of things. You're miss-using the term "race", you mean to say ethnicity.
    Second, most people have a mix of ethnicities (especially in America) but i doubt this is about "ethnic purity" and more that they were black. You're young so ill give you the benefit of the doubt.

    Stop saying "you don't date outside your race" that sounds fucking racist. You and those black dudes are the same race. You should've told her simply NO based on the fact you didn't find them attractive and end it at that. I get it, we all know what we're attracted to.

    Are you racist? I don't think so, you're too young to really make that call.
    Ask yourself this, would it bother if you the dude you were dating had dated/had sex with black girls in the past? That's usually a good indicator if you're racist or not. Hope it works out for you, good luck.

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  • It's racist because you dismissed a whole class of people based on something they couldn't change.

    If you had looked at those guys and said none of them were your type or you didn't find them attractive, that would be one thing. But to dismiss them all out of hand, because of their skin colour.. that's the definition of racist.

    Next time, at least take a look at the guys. And if you don't like them, you don't like them. But don't leap to the conclusion that you won't like them because they are black.

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  • It's not racist because you're not attracted to darker skin people it's racist because of the shaky foundations of race. Race is not a real thing. As a concept in America and many other countries it is very real and has many implications but in terms of biology it's not real. There are no genetic markers that could be used to identify one race as completely distinct from another trust me any biologist and anthropologist will tell you the same thing. Race is a social construct that is not grounded in reality but based off of pure anecdotical and incorrect personal observations that due to many periods of group on group oppression has been incorrectly accepted as a truth. Why what you did seemed racist is because of the way you stated it. Your opinion came off as I don't date (insert other race) because they aren't white guys and I only date white guys. It can be incorrectly taken as you placing white guys on a superior pedestal while looking down on other races as if the qualities that white men possess can not also be possessed by non white men even if this was not your intentions. For future reference never say you're only attracted to white guys because in all honesty those white guys are American and are probably mixed up with all kind of other "races" just like all other Americans. If it comes up again just be honest and say I haven't met a darker skinned guy that I'm attracted to there may be one out there but I just haven't met any. I've met quite a few white women with your opinion and have done quite well changing their mind as a black man or should I say as a man with darker pigmented skin.

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    • I guess I should be clearer I'm not saying what you said was racist I'm just saying why people may assume it was.

  • Well it was just dancing not dating so yeah you are probably racist. Everyone has their prejudices though.

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  • It's not racist to not date outside your race, your friend and anyone else who calls you a racist for your own preferences is a moron. Pure and simple.

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  • I think it's only seen as "racist" because you voiced it so explicitly. There isn't a problem with having a preference but I think the "ideal" viewpoint would be you date whoever you like/are attracted to. You may not be attracted to certain races/hair colors etc but it does seem shallow to have pre-built stances on such things.

    This is part of political correctness taking over the youth.

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  • The girl sounds like an absolute moron!

    If you don't want to date outside of your race, then that's your preference. It doesn't make you a racist.

    I do date outside of my race, but I can understand why many people do not and I have no qualms with that. I keep my nose out of the affairs of others.

    As for your friend, Allie, I think you should ditch her and find someone with a brain cell inside their head.

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    • She really upset me but we're still friends, we've known each other since the 6th grade. I know it's my preference but i guess my preference is considered racist

    • It's considered racist by idiots who don't know what the term racist really is.

      Racism is the view that you feel your race is superior to others and you act according to such a belief. Refusing to date outside of your race because you don't find other races attractive is not racist whatsoever.

      I am a racist against my own race because I love Indian and Middle Eastern women? Come on be serious. Am I racist because I prefer Indian and Middle Eastern women to Black women and Hispanic women? Again, come on be serious.

      People need to learn to accept preference for what it is a preference.

  • Think about it this way. How would you feel if a guy you're in to (white) was in to a black girl. Yeah, same thing. Some black men like white women and to have you turn them down just because they're black, is a bit racist

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    • Your BA is a little biased, ain't it?

  • Everyone considers something racist nowadays. People are so paranoid about it that the idea of agreeing with someone who say's something a bit strange about black people instantly get defensive and accuse them of racism before bothering to give it some critical thought. She did it mainly out of a desire not to look racist herself, even though I wouldn't say the statement is racist. But depending on your justifications of why not to date outside of your race, you might be racist.

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    • Also, I just realized that if you're basing your dislike of black men out of cultural reasons, then it's not racist IF you got to know them. But you just saw them and judged them by their race, not their culture. How could you know their culture if you didn't get to know them? So you're racist, hunny.

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What Girls Said 19

  • You don't have to date outside of your race if you don't want to. I wouldn't call you a racist just because of that.

    However, I don't understand lumping everyone of a particular race together and labeling them as "not your type" considering there are so many different people you are generalizing there. But, to each their own I suppose.

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  • No, you're not racist.
    But you are indeed close-minded and limiting your options.
    There are potentially great boys out there,
    but you will never know that because you choose to stay inside of the box.

    I consider racism someone having hatred for other people, and putting
    other racial backgrounds down.
    You weren't doing that, you simply stated your preference.

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  • No it's not racist, you have a preference and that's your choice. However, might I add that you tend to miss out on a lot of good people if you're only looking for one "type" of person. I've met a lot of great men from multiple races, even ones that generally I wouldn't put "at the top of my list" for being attractive. Basically, an open mind is always best.

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  • I wouldn't have said "i don't date outside my race" that sounds ignorant and horrid. You could have said "they're not my type and that's it.

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  • It's not racist at all, you can't help who you're attracted to. I had to deal with the same thing and people called me a racist too. It's no big deal, just ignore your friend and date white guys :)

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  • I don't think it is racist but I think the fact that you won't date them just because you only date inside your race is kind of ignorant. I understand that you have your preferences and I respect that. I'm sorry that your friend embarrassed you in front of others. You should talk to her about it.

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  • some people think if you dont date outside your race, that means you "see color" and that makes you a racist

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  • I wouldn't call it racist, but it's definetly an ignorant and limiting way of thinking. You're potentially missing out on so many amazing guys simply because they're too dark for you. With that being said, preferences are 100% okay. I've personally got a knack for tall men. But I wouldn't be against dating a short man, because I realize that I'd be limiting myself. It's already hard enough to find decent people these days, so please don't miss out based on something that's really not a big deal.

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  • It's not, but the way in which you said it sounds racist. Actually, yeah, it is 100% racist! You won't date them purely on the colour of their skin, you can't get much more racist than that. No, I'm joking but sort of not. If you aren't attracted to black guys then you just aren't attracted to black guys - I'm not particularly but I have met the odd one or two who are gorgeous - and my fella isn't attracted to black girls at all, even ones I think are really hot, they just don't do it for him. I'd just keep quiet about it if I were you to save offending anyone, which you will do if you keep saying what you're saying!

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  • No, it's not racist. Your friend just takes your preferences a bit too seriously.

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  • In front of the crowd, you used the wrong words, and you should really be discreet and just say, **I don't know them personally** to keep them hushed. :) Keep it sweet and short.

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    • You said the politically incorrect thing

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    • YOu think just because she is your friend, she would understand that? People are racially sensitive and too PC about a lot of things, these days.

      It's the 'trend' to blend, date non whites and eat sushi or kebab these days. Telling the honest truth like it is, will often get you shunned by others. GaG forum isn't any different than the real world, you're. People will always get very judgmental about something or anything.

    • It's about conformance. If your friends are into something, that you're not into, you two are going to have problems.

  • It's not your fault if you're conditioned that way by your environment. You shouldn't be forced to like something if you don't feel familiar with.

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  • I really don't think it was racist at all.. I kind of relate to you because while I'm the complete opposite of racist I rarely find guys out of my race attractive and not because of their actual race that isn't attractive I'm just rarely attracted to other races so I understand where you're coming from!

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  • I understand you were being honest but I understand why what you said would hurt others

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  • I don't think its racist that you don't find black guys attractive. Its your preference.

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  • You're not a racist but I think I would have stopped at "i dont think they are my type", because the last sentence always ends up in this discussion.

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  • It;s not racist some people just think that way. I don't date outside my race either and I don't really fell comfortable around interacial couples.

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  • That is a bit racist to say you don't date outside your race. Think about how you phrased that

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  • Its complicated. Basically it can be seen as racist because you are excluding a whole race. I know that this is not the case as you are just not attracted to that skin colour. However many people do not seem to understand this.

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