Why does this guy want me to come visit him and not visit me?

[pooper89]

Long story short, I met this guy last year on a dating site. He lives over 3 hours south of me.

Occasionally, when we talk (I always do the initiating) via FB chat or text, he says "you should come visit me."

Since he's the guy, isn't it right that he come to me? I feel like I shouldn't be the one driving to see HIM. He says he'll help with gas but still. I feel if he wants me to come he should pay all the gas.

He was like, "why are you so against coming to ____?"
Why is he so against coming to my town though? At first he was like, "Don't you live with family or whatever?" But I told him I don't, I live by myself. We got into kind of an argument about this and I didn't want things to escalate so I acquiesced.

I really like this guy a lot and I hate that this is an issue. What's his deal? Part of me thinks I should forget him but I really like him and want to see if it would work out between us.

[MrOracle]

The short answer is: he's just not that into you.

The long answer is: because you're more into him than he is into you, it's easy for him to let you do all the work and have you in his environment, where he's comfortable and has most of the power. If you don't come, no big deal; he hasn't lost anything. If you do, then he got you without any real effort. Win/Win.

I strongly recommend against LDRs in the first place, and this is just another good example of why not. You've invested how long? At least 6 months? into this guy, and have gotten nothing out of it - you haven't even met him in person. You could have spent all that time and energy looking for, or being with, someone LOCAL, who you could actually see face-to-face.

Learn from this, and make smarter decisions next time. You'll be much happier that way.

[crazed_mojo]

If you are always doing the initiating and he doesn't want to take the time to drive to you, and his original excuse to try to not come visit you was because he thought you lived with family, it's because he is only wanting to hook up.

He obviously knows you are interested in him since you always initiate the conversation. And since you live so far away the odds of running into you after hooking up are basically 0, all he wants is to hook up. You're the easy target.

So if you are fine with driving 3 hours to meet this guy and hook up, then never hearing from him again (except to hook up) then go for it. If you are wanting more, you are not getting it from this asshat

[pooper89]

Yeah. I'll let him initiate this time. And if he brings it up, I'll say "lets meet halfway" and if he can't do that for whatever reason, I'm done

[Hans222]

Perhaps an idea: send him a message saying "hey, I have an idea. Next Saturday I invite you over for a romantic dinner. You bring the wine, I do the rest. Looking forward to being your host. A hundred hugs from XXX".
With a bit of luck he'll melt and come over :-)

[macrosscms]

I dated a girl who was 2 hours away, we met halfway for the first time for lunch, she had a couple friends with her but they stayed out of the way for the most part.
So offer to meet halfway, if he says no, then move on to another guy. If you meet anyway, always take a friend and let it be known the address of where you are going.

[TadCurious]

Well he ought to at least see this as something where you two can alternate driving to see the other. I can't say what his deal is, though.