My new bf insists he needs to know how many guys I've slept with, I don't wanna tell, what should I do?

I've been seeing a great guy about 1,5 months now. First time I think this should turned out to be something long-term. We started having sex a couple weeks ago. Now he keeps asking me how many guys I've been with in my past. I've told him I don't want to tell it because it's in my past and I think it's better not to know. I don't wanna know how many he's been with. Well, he told me anyways, saying 7. And that when he told me it's only reasonable I do the same...

I'm afraid he's gonna judge me. I've been with quite a many dudes during my wild single years. It's in my past, I haven't had any hook-ups for two years now. I've never cheated on and it has nothing to do with me than just a number. I don't think I can ever tell him, though. What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't understand how someone who has been with 7 considers 11 incomprehensible.

    Come on.

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    • I guess the rules are different for guys than girls?

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    • I hate that too, but I still think he's a very special guy. I've never felt anything like this with someone before. I could really think spending my whole life with him (and I know this is very early, but I don't tend to fall in love easily). Of course I still hate a bit that it feels like I can't be totally myself with him. For example my close guy friend knows most parts of my past, we went to college together. I once asked him that honestly, from a guy's point of view, does he think I'm a slut, sleeping with so many guys. He said he doesn't think that at all, the number I've been with doesn't matter who I am. I know some guys are like him but probably most are not. I don't personally consider myself a slut, I liked every single guy I have been with and had fun. But I got enough of it and doesn't like to do it anymore. Still it hurts if someone important to me thinks I'm a slut. But I don't want to lie either. I just wish he could drop the subject...

    • Yes, he is insecure if he asked you this, he will be shocked and will not view you the same.

What Guys Said 18

  • I'm surprised he didn't ask earlier. I don't see the reason why some people like to know and others don't. I don't care either way. My GF wanted to know so I told her then she told me hers. I didn't care if she told me. She has been with more people than I have and since she has more long-term relationships more sex too. It doesn't bother me and I still wanted to go out with her. So I wouldn't worry. If your relationship can't handle a number you shouldn't be together.

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    • Yeah, people are different. In my past relationships my boyfriends never asked and I never knew their numbers. It doesn't bother me if I know but I still prefer keeping it private. I'm afraid he can't accept my number but maybe it's for the better to end it sooner rather than later.

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    • Yeah, I agree. And it's not like there would be out tons of guys I've slept with running into us on the streets. It was mostly during two years in college I was single, and well, I like sex and wanted to experiment things. I'm not proud of it but then again I'm not ashamed of it. Anyway he already said once "I don't understand how any girl could have been with more than 10 guys", so I guess my answer is there. He wouldn't understand and likely think less of me...

    • I starting to see what your dealing with. I pretty sure that if I had the time to partake in the full college experience ( I had to work to pay for school a lot so it was work and school study mostly) me and my gf would have had more than 10 in that college stand too. It's your last shot to have fun and be a bit reckless before going into the real world. If he is that much of an ass and look down on you then he is missing out and doesn't deserve a relationship with you.

  • it may not matter but it is something that many people in couples share with each other. I think if you trust him to not be judgmental and to care for you regardless you shouldn't be all that concerned about telling him. If he is unfairly judgmental I think it's kind of a good thing to know.

    I think one positive that comes out of this is finding out what a person really is like. IF he somehow views you as some sort of promiscuous slut wouldn't you rather have that be in the open rather than have him have this opinion stored inside? if he's really the guy for you he shouldn't care what your sexual history is like. If he really has an issue with your sexual past maybe it's good that he knows and you know this about him

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    • I understand that it would be better to know now, but still I don't think it defines me as a person at all how many guys I've been with. I know I can be a very good girlfriend. I'm fine with my past and I just would like to keep it to myself. I could share it with someone whom I know is not going to judge me, but I'm quite positive he's going to do that...

    • i agree it doesn't define you. but it defines your past and it is an aspect of who you are. I think more so you are a bit insecure and uncomfortable with his relationship. if you have no problem with your past your partner should be the same or at least understanding... if you are worried about a partner judging you or even worse condemning you for your history you may want to ask yourself 'is this the type of person I want to be with?'

  • Make a game out of it... tell him he has to guess the answer. But to make this game interesting tell him if he guesses correctly you can never have sex with him again.

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    • Haha that would be interesting :D

  • You're right about saying that it doesn't matter and its all in the past, but if he inists maybe you should tell him. Seems that it is something that matters to him. To say the truth its something Im paying attention to as well. And something else. That number 7 of his, could be a lie. 7 is the liars number. Just saying.

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    • I just hate that I'm almost certain he'll break up with me if i tell the truth... He already said once "I don't understand how any girl could have been with more than 10 guys", so I guess that means he would never be able to understand me. I don't know if his number is true, I don't really know that much about his past other than that he has had a really long relationship (he's a little older than me). But it doesn't matter to me at all. Besides, I love our intimate life with him, it's amazing because I've got so much feelings for him.

  • Yeah, your bf is immature if he's prying you for this info. This is something that I personally don't bring up because it only creates conflict. He's probably ignorant to that...

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    • Yeah, I'd never bring it up to myself either. I don't think I need to know every detail about my boyfriends past... If he wants to share things, fine, if he doesn't that's fine too. Some things are just better to leave alone...

  • Do like all women do, and lie. We know to multiply your number by 3 anyway.

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  • This reminds me of a scene from the movie Clerks...

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  • just say 3.

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    • I don't wanna lie...

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    • then you'll have to tell him the truth. But don't think any less of yourself if he breaks up with you: think less of him, as he is the insecure one.

    • I'm quite sure he will break up with me. He said once "I don't understand how any girl could have been with more than 10 guys", and my number is 20-something... :( But maybe it's true what you said, I need to be with someone who is okay with my past.

  • Do you think he'd break up with you if he knew the truth? Because I generally am against lying - eventually it will come up.

    If it were me, I'd be a little upset (and might get an STD test just in case) but you seem sincere and sweet. I'd forgive you.

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    • I'm also against lying, especially in a relationship. I have always practiced safe sex and have been with only one guy before him during the past two years... Never had any STDs. It was just a phase when I was in college...

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    • Well, I'm glad you were able to tell him. I think he'll come around. It's really cool that you like him enough to open up like that - that kind of connection doesn't happen a lot, and I hope he realizes he needs to hold on to it.

      But you're right - someone needs to accept you for everything, including any scars you might have.

    • Thanks :) Let's hope for the best.

  • Silly gurls. Thats why im only gonna get with virgins cuz u fawked up ur past =x

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  • There is no number you can give that will make him happy other than 0.

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  • Either he knows several people who youve slept with or at least one. He doesn't want to know the truth, just to be reassured that yalls sex is special. He likes you.. These pure feelings will be corrupted if he finds youve given the cookie to a bunch of men. Lie, and make sure all the other guys had to wait longer than he did, he has t he biggest penis, and do not give any details. This of course, if you like him.

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  • u should not tell him about this if it is so. Guys r very conservative with the another affair of his gf. u should denied about such incident... u should say that i had never such experience.. earlier... u r the first...

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  • I don't think, you have to be ashamed or feel bad about it. Tell him honestly. I think that's the best thing to do.

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  • how many HAVE you slept with? over 10?

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    • Been with 23.

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    • Mmm, but I don't really know if that would make it any better. I mean not being in relationship doesn't necessarily mean you have to sleep around with a bunch of different guys. I knew most of them wanted only sex from me and I was fine with that, because to be honest I was thinking so low of myself I thought no guy would want to actually *be together* with me... Of course I hoped almost every time that a magic could happen and they wanted to ask me out or something - well, sometimes some of them did and we went out a few times, but basically I wasn't what they were looking for / they were not what I was looking for / they didn't want to commit. It must sound silly but I've always dreamed about just finding the right guy who loves me back and being happy with him for my whole life. But I can't say I didn't have fun during my wild college years, it's just something I got enough for and not willing to do again. I still think he wouldn't understand, never...

    • I think if it does work with this guys.. go to a peaceful place.. travel there's other places way better places with better lookign wpeople that are nicer to people. like me for example.. from honduras born and raised.. we were thougth that a woman Is something we do NOT misbehave with.. meaning that a girl is sacred. we think of girls most like angels.. and the people over there are quite handsome.. as you can see. lol

  • Dont tell him its a loaded question, if he insist lie , if you do tell him he will want to compare differences , but what he will really be after is his ego being stroked

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  • Tell him 47 unless you count the high school football team

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  • Tell him he can find out how many guys you've slept with the same way he can find out the age of a tree.
    By counting the rings in your kitty.

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What Girls Said 9

  • It's your business. Not his. It's your right to not tell him

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    • How could I make it him to understand that? I've tried to argue it's just a principal, I don't like talking about my sexual history because it's past and nothing good comes from it. He just says it's something he needs to know. He brings this up many times a week...

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    • I could try. Sometimes I have troubles holding my side but usually people who know me respect my character enough to not insist things they know I don't wanna do/share etc... I don't know why does keep insisting, though. I've already thought about ending this myself (and he's really the most special, wonderful guy I've ever met so it's not easy) because it would be really hard if he left me because of my past...

    • But you see it's such a great sign of his character. You've got to take him for ALL he is. Just think about it over time. I always say just think about what kind of relationship you want. Trust? Respect? etc. Always demand what you deserve. If you want to tell him, go for it! It would be a good test of his character. A genuine relationship is always the best one. Not based on numbers

  • I think it the one of the stupidest questions a person can ask. I say tell him the truth, because you don't want to lie and if he doesn't like it, he wasn't the right one for you

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  • Some things are better not known.
    Until you feel comfortable sharing that with him, you shouldn't have to tell him.
    At least until once you're ready to.

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  • Don't tell him.

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  • In that case I think it is better to tell him what he wants to hear... tell him a random number, less then 7 ofcourse...

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  • He really doesn't want to know, do not tell him everything.

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  • Just lie to him

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  • You should tell him. Is either he accept all of you or half of you. Will you live up to your guilty conscious? What if he's the man of your dream and you live with they lie forever. He told you his number, why can't you?

    Sincerity. If he loves you, he'll accept you

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  • Girl... lie lie lie. It shouldn't matter anyway.

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    • If it doesn't matter, why lie? Just trying to see your point.

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