Why some men treat women as a product in online dating?

I mean thin like this:
He asks you to show him your pictures from very different angles, as if to make sure you fit into his meticulous criteria for his dream doll.

Or he keeps asking you for your weight and height , and of course he calculates your BMI.

Not all men do this, but i hate when someone does it. I dated guys when even we didn't see each other's pictures.

I personally find it offending. I feel like
I am an object under the scrutiny of some weird guy. I am attractive and hot, but it's the way I feel.
Girls, what do you think? Guys, would you do this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Everyone's under scrutiny when it comes to potential dating.

    Asking for every camera angle possible is a bit odd, but asking for more than the 'look at me pouting for the camera which i'm holding over my head to show off my cleavage but hide that i'm fat' is not so odd.

    Probably these guys are doing it because they've gone on so many first dates, discovered the girl is 40 lbs heavier then expected, and sat there wondering how soon they could leave.

    Would I do it? Uh, I live in a big city, so friends of mine who date online, its a small investment, they're not driving hours, its more 'lets meet for a drink/coffee'. Just take the plunge fast, meet in person, see how chemistry is. But if you're one of those people who wants to message back and forth for weeks before meeting, I can see how they'd want to see a bunch of pics early on.

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    • I am more onto let's meet coffee fast, then you can decide if you like the person or not.

      If a guy suggests meeting fast it's more practical for me and it shows he is confident.

      What some people here don't get is this idea.

      Thanks.

    • Definitely the best approach if you're online dating in a big city. So many people online are flakes who actually just want attention. People actually looking to meet are glad that you want to meet, so it saves a lot of wasted time.

      And you can chat for months, meet and determine in 2 minutes its going nowhere. So cutting to a fast coffee or after work drink is ideal.

      But I recognize for people in small towns or rural areas, where most of the people they're looking at are a 2-4 hour drive away, they're going to invest more time first.

What Guys Said 12

  • From a guy's POV, based on the questions you're being asked I feel that you may not have a full body shot that shows you from head to toe. I have met girls from the internet who did not match their photos and seriously, it's a waste of my time and I get annoyed. I've dealt with girls who put on many pounds and didn't even match their hair color, etc. One used the overhead selfie on me and when I met her she couldn't move without jiggling from her hips and I was immediately turned off. Another one I talked to seemed to have gained quite a few pounds suddenly from whenever her photos were to meeting up. If your photo is an overhead selfie, chances are you are fat and hiding your weight and guys will not want to meet you unless they don't have to worry.. I'd only consider you being treated like a product if the guy started asking for boob pics and/or pics in like... a bikini or something.

    But if you have a good assortment of photos already in your profile and you added the dates they were taken, chances are they would not be asking for many pics or pics at all even. I personally have gotten asked stuff like when my photos were taken because girls have gone through the same thing with guys.

    In conclusion, just have a good album that gives guys 0 reason to doubt that you'll look different when meeting them and you should not be asked for photos.

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  • Pictures are incredibly misleading. Even after seeing ten photos of someone, a person won't have a great idea of the real life motions and expressions of the person behind the photos.

    Women do it too, if they're very attractive: they have to sift through dozens of requests a day, and they aren't going to bother with someone who is likely unappealing. Online dating is like a microcosm of real life dating; it keeps the same proportions. Guys ask girls that fit their criteria, and girls reject guys that don't fit their criteria.

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  • Most of the guys are not calculating your BMI since BMI is useless. They ask for different angles because you're most likely one of those girls who take the pic from a certain angle that hides the rest of your body. It's not that they're treating you as an object necessarily, it's because they want to know if they find you attractive,

    I, personally, think their request is reasonable since you should have such pictures on your profile already. Your reaction seems like you have something to hide.

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    • You are so ridiculously shallow.
      Do you know that some very attractive people don't even put their pictures?

    • Show All
    • You ignoramus. Yeah you are right. You need to grow up, kid

    • Like I said "I really don't give a f!@# what some 35-year old woman who has to resort to online dating has to say about me"

  • There's a term called 'fat girl angle shot'. It's the tendency (especially since online dating) of fat girls to take pictures with such angle as to hide their actual size (either that or old pictures). Many men then get's shocked to realize when they finally meet that the girls is multiple dozens of pounds heavier then expected. Not wanting to get bit by this, they ask for current and better pictures.

    That's life, guys don't like fat girls, girls don't like short guys. Thankfully for the girls, it's much easier to lose weight then to gain height. ; )

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    • So I see then online dating is not a good ground to meet someone.

      Thanks

    • Are you trying to avoid men judging you by your looks? Then I ironically it's the other way around. In old fashion face to face courting, they clearly see what you look like so there's no need to even ask. Online you can show as much or as little as you want, then see how they interact with you in that regard.

  • i find it hard to believe that hot girls actually take the time to reply to guys on online dating sites. If one actually replied to me, there would be no interrogation on my part - basically just chatting or seeing if she wanted to meet up for tea or something..

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    • You have to believe it because it exists.

  • They dont respect you as a human being first and then a potential love interest second... and yes ypur roght..."product"... or "commodity" ... is exactly what your viewed as... i mean even a stripper wouldn't put up with selfishly gradifying requests of this caliber... i would be happy enough that im even getting to know you... some guys are just more preoccupied with whats between your legs insyead of whats between your ears...

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    • I do respect you and the way you think. Thank God there are still men with more than looks:) I mean brains!

    • Awe... well thank you... ofcourse i do carry some hostility toward guys that dont respect women because of how many women are emotuonally dammaged by them... it makes it difficult for caring guys like me to proove my sincerity...

  • Because if you've tried online dating, lots of women are fat and try to hide it.

    It's like--what would you think if men showed younger pics of themselves and lied about their jobs/salaries? It would be a big letdown, wouldn't it? So a lot of guys who try online dating try to avoid showing up to find a fat girl.

    The real sad part is when you see a girl with a very attractive face, but she's 50 pounds overweight. It's like finding a Dodge Challenger that someone has let rot. :(

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    • Data on okcupid suggests a typical salary inflation of 20%, and height inflation of 2"

    • Lol, that's hilarious. Maybe I should've put my height at 6 feet tall?

      Okcupid data also suggests that women rate 80% of men as below average, if I remember right.

    • lol I should start lying about my height. I am 5'10 but everyone assumes I am adding a couple of inches anyway. Maybe I should claim to be 6'0 so that people will think I am the height I really am.

  • Some guys are little boys trying too be men

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  • It's pretty well known women lie about their looks, guys lie about their age. So the guys are just making sure the pics are accurate,

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    • Lying about your look is sick.
      I never wear heels or make up.

    • Yes it is, but you can't be naive enough to not know it happens

  • Men and women are just different. You size men up too, just in a different way.

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    • Also, I'd like to add that there is a difference between asking questions for clarification and probing or being invasive.

      Example 1: "How tall are you? Would you mind sending me a pic or two? Your only photos are very far away, do you have any closer ones?"

      Example 2: "What is your height and weight? Hold, let me calculate your BMI. Send me 10 photos, lighting outside, face shots, 2 full bodies, and strike numerous vogue poses. Fax me your social security number too!"

  • I believe its normal.

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  • That is exactly how guys feel when we go out on dates. Both people are looking for what the other has to offer. Bottom line we are products and are trying to sell ourselves for the highest possible price we can get. It may not be romantic like in the movies, but that is the reality of dating.

    Being seen as sexy has its advantages and disadvantages, however it has far more advantages than disadvantages. Good looking people can complain about being judged on their looks all they want, but the truth is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, regardless of their gender, is to never be seen as a sex object. Which is why ugly people complain so much.

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What Girls Said 3

  • i agree with you. they're just more concerned that you have a nice ass then they are concerned about if you have a single thought in your head. and guys will say things like "well girls care about looks too!!" and that's true but really when it comes to online girls just want a guy who won't turn out to be a psychopath. Womens criteria for what they find attractive is also more widely ranged and flexible than guys thoughts on whats attractive. So those pics are just to make sure you at least come close to that criteria.

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  • Yeah I agree with you. Most guys who post online are jerks but this is because the good guys post once a month while the jerks post 2-3 times a day so you see more ads by jerks then you do by good people.

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  • I used to say my weight is 110, even when it's closer to 100 or 120.

    At 100 lbs, I got a disproportionate amount of creepy messages, even though I got hit on a lot less in real life and I'm technically a little bit underweight. The sexual messages get a lot more sub/dom in theme and the quality of the guy drops a lot lower in general.

    At 120 I got much fewer messages, even though I am still slim at that weight and boyfriends have barely noticed the difference, saying I'm crazy and the weight gain in all in my head.

    There are a lot of women that lie by a wider margin, but men don't really understand women's weights numerically, so some lies truly are white lies.

    I once heard a man exclaim how fat a chick was; she must weight 150 lbs! The girl he was dating, who was thick and fit his preference, was probably in the 140 range.

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