Why is dating a friend seem like the most dangerous thing to do?

Recently i told a friend of mine i would like to date her ( we talk and hang out so much that it already seem to everyone else we where dating) her repsonse to this was that she does not date her friends because things never go back to being the same if things dont work out. Now i respected her standing on the matter ( i will admit that i felt like crap for awhile after) but after thinking about it i have heard of and witnessed this situation quite a few times and i find that this has become more like a lame excuse you tell the teacher when you dont have your home work. Honestly i dont understand how one negative possiblity can out-weigh the positive ones, also the way how people use this statment, I wonder if they even consider the other person's feelings at all people need to stop being afraid of risk, there is always a risk or down side to things and i honestly believe things never stay the same they either progress or they simply disappear. I like to hear from both sides on this and i hope this question was not too long thanks.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I dont think it bad because even just friendship may not work out so it the same risk iny openion just one is romantic and the other isnt. So it the same and if you dont take the risk you never will knownwhat will happen. I feel it worth the risk to take. But some people say that because they dont wanna hurt the other person feelings so they use that exuse then being honest that they dont feel the same but to me of your friends for a long time and truly know each other had fights seen eaxh other good and bad days then I feel their more of a change it can work out because all your doing know is adding romance to the relationship and that jist perfect and if you both know each other familys and get along wel even better.

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What Girls Said 5

  • she's right! You risk not only losing your bf/gf but also in some cases you lose your friend as well! But its not always bound to happen my friend ended up dating her friend about 2yrs ago and they now just had a little baby girl :)

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  • I don't think dating a friend is bad. I actually think that is best in a relationship to be with someone you know well. What is difficult for friends is getting over the whole anxiety of initiating romance to a friend. Like thinking what would happen if she said know? Would I be embarrased? But you have already told this girl you're interested so that's a step in the right direction. But she said she doesn't date friends. That makes no sense. It's already out there that you like her! She may just not be into you. It sounds like a way of easily letting you down. If you really like this girl maybe try more brief touching gestures like touching her hand or her arm. Maybe try opening doors for her and helping her with things. Just ideas! Good luck!

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  • she doesn't like u in that way

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    • She has stated one more than one occasion that out of all of our friends i am the only one she would date. But i really don't have a problem if she is not intrested i have already put that behind me i just find that this seems to be like an excuse used a lot evertime i see this situation come up

  • She probably really would like to date you but then at the same time doesn't want to destroy the friendship you guys have.

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    • That may be so but honsetly when you think about nothing never actually stays the same eg you break a bone it heals but it won't go back to being the same

    • Yes but it's a human not a bone

  • If she really liked you she would probably date you anyway, but I think what she means is that when you take a friend relationship to the next level, its hard to go back. If you guys break up, then it's awkward because you guys were friends before and had a good relationship that way, but there's probably going to be some resentment from one party about the break up. To her, that's too much of a risk, because she'd rather have a long standing relationship as friends than to possibly compromise that by screwing it up romantically. She's not being completely ridiculous, and I understand where she's coming from. I dated my best friend for a short time, and after we broke up we never could go back into the same kind of friendship. It really sucked.

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What Guys Said 2

  • It's a very rewarding thing to do, and I honestly don't think it's as dangerous as it's put out to be.

    When friends fall naturally for each other, it's a perfectly fine thing. But when one friend has no chemical attraction at all to another, then abruptly coming out to say "date me, I want to be your boyfriend", that's awkward. And scary at the same time too. It's as if your cousin who always comes to hang out at your house suddenly revealed she had a thing for you, but you always saw her as a cousin and a little sister.

    And yes, when you try to date a friend and she says "I don't date friends", it's a rejection. But not an absolute rejection. You just gotta work from the ground up like any other guy. Being friends with her doesn't give you an instant ticket into her dreamy thoughts.

    Also understand that she has reason to be worried. We only have so many good friends, so we hardly ever have experience dating friends. We also probably have plenty of memories of terrible breakups, exes that wouldn't give up.

    So, start off non-threatening, as if you were asking out a unknown girl at the bar. Do some normal and fun stuff together while hanging out. Set a non-obligatory mood. You've always hanged out like this before, but now she knows you have some attraction for her. That thought is a bit unnerving and uncomfortable for her, but you seem to be the same as before, and she appreciates that.

    Then as time passes by, weeks, months even, she gets used to going out with you. She gets used to that tense, nervous feeling of going out, and she starts to entertain that thought a bit more cheerfully. Nothing bad has happened yet. She starts to be more open to you asking her out. The pretense is dropped that both of you are just "hanging out", this is obviously pre-dating material. But she doesn't want to admit it, she's still worried.

    Given a few more months, she'd eventually come around.

    -Fantasies of a wistful guy (I reached the second last paragraph myself)

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  • This tends to be code for:

    "I'm not attracted to you."

    I know, wouldn't the world be a beautiful place if we were just strait up.

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    • She has casually said I was the only one out of our friends that she would actually date and she has said that on more that occasion

    • interesting... not sure what to say

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