Do you meet a guy/girl and start dating them, or do you become friends with them before you date them?

Do you meet a guy/girl and start dating them, or do you become friends with them before you date them?

  • Date them without being friends first
    24% (54)28% (37)25% (91)Vote
  • Friends first before you date them
    76% (175)72% (96)75% (271)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
clarification:

Would you consider starting a serious relationship with a friend or would you rather start one with someone you were not friends with beforehand.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Everyone is different, I think that friendship can turn into something more. I prefer to be friends with a guy first, but sometimes that friendship can become more like a brother and sister relationship. It depends on the people.

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What Guys Said 16

  • I think many people confuse "dating" and starting out as "just friends" as two separate entities. The problem with openly stating to the person that you are trying to get to know is that it creates this invisible-like boundary that, if crossed, causes too much pressure for one of the two people who are dating. One girl I dated got very upset when I called our "meetings" a date rather than just hanging out, which in turn caused me to feel more pressure than necessary because when "hanging out" or "meeting" this person over lunch (or whatever), I had no idea what was OK and what was crossing the line into dating. You can date someone and not be a couple. But if you start out as just friends and create this boundary that cannot be crossed - does that mean no hand holding? No kissing? What about flirting? Can the guy/girl pay for both people during one of these meetings?

    When I think of starting out as friends - it means you're still dating to see if there is chemistry, but taking things slow. Giving each other time to get to know one another before jumping into anything sexual.

    Consider dating and being "just friends" as the same thing, but like a job interview. Create a 90 day window to get to know each other before moving into anything sexual - but you're still dating. Probably not exclusively, keeping things casual but flirty, and essentially starting out as just friends. But problems start when one person takes the "let's just be friends for now" too far and begins drawing imaginary lines that cannot be colored beyond. It complicates things, to be more specific.

    I think when two people are just starting to date, rather than focus intently on just being friends, why not just let things evolve naturally without bringing up the whole 'friends first' thing? That way nobody feels pressure to act or not act a certain way, and it gives each person room to flirt without feeling like they are moving too fast.

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  • It just doesn't make sense to date before you become friends. You have to know who they are, what they do, or you risk early trouble.

    However there is an upside to dating them before you become friends, you don't risk ruining a friendship.

    My common sense tells me befriend them then date them.

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    • Dating is about getting to know each other. they don't have to be a friend first.

    • You date those with whom you share a spark in hopes of learning to know them better.

      And since so many things about dating don't make sense we'd NEVER date if we focused on always making sense. Making sense can be highly overrated, sometimes you simply have to enter the fray or you'll remain on the sidelines analyzing things endlessly.

  • i have noticed morofeten than not if I am friends with the girl and hten try to date them they say no because I am now in the freind zone and I'm too good of a friends to loose from a bad break up... yea I know what crap. and well now my best relationship the one I'm in not her and I started dating almost as soon as we met withing a few hours we were already a cupple and haven't looked back since!

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  • lol I don't get the sense in being all "buddy buddy" with a woman b4 I date them. If you want someone, don't beat around the bush with it. You waste a lot of time concentrating on building a friendship with one person, then deciding to date them? Just ask them out, eventually you'll figure out if they're keepers anyway.

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    • But I think when you're friends first you develop something stronger than just going straight into a relationship with them...ya know? lol

    • Lol who said anything about a relationship? you can date w/o automatically laying claim to somebody. the way the question is posed asks whether I'd be friends with the woman b4 I even consider dating her, and the answer is no its not necessary. I'm straight to the point, and don't want her to get it twisted that I'm here for anything other than romantic interest.

    • Well stated. Let's not let our motives be mis-understood.

  • Be friends not for too long or too close because that's all it will ever be then. My girlfriend of almost a year now was friends with me for less than 2 weeks after we first met before I made a real move cos was scared of losing that chance. Would never try straight away, just show interest so if she has it too she will save herself for me in case other guys get to her before me

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    • See, I don't consider someone I've known for only two weeks a friend. I guess everyone's definition of what constitutes a friend is different.

    • Yeah but I saw her in college and on the college bus to and from there so seeing her at least a few times a day and going out with her as a friend twice in the 2 weeks and sometimes upto 3 hours a day midweek or a full day out. In the second week I'd known her she was talking about how she hates some guy who turned out to be her 2.5 year ex and she told me he broke her heart and I said I'd never do that to you and she said yeah but we're just friends aren't we, silence... friends interrupt.

    • I guess if you consider someone your friend, then they are ur friend. I don't really call someone my friend until I've known them for a while, and have interacted with them outside of work, school, or other daily routines.

  • both can work, but I think getting to know a bit about them would make things a lot easier

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  • I get to know the woman a little first, then ask them out afterwards.

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    • And how long does it usually take for you to get to know her before asking her out?

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    • Stacy seem to be in a hurry

    • I see.

      As for Virtuales, honestly, how can you make such a judgment? You don't know anything about me to say that.... I was just curious because I'm going through a similar situation...

  • To me it is very important that I know the person before I gt into a relationship..gt to know what they like/dislike...their favorite color etc...this is only if you want a long term relationship with this person..in the case that you don't then dating them first won't b a problem.

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  • You get what you put in. You build friendship, you get friendship. The girl will move on and date other guys.

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    • That's not always true

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    • Honestly, your situation was really weird. what you were doing was bordering on "stalker". If I had been that girl I probably would have told you to back off

    • You are right. I know what I did was wrong; at that time I thought that was a change she gave me.

  • Friends first. That way, you're almost getting a preview to see if you're really compatible and can get along with this guy/girl.

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  • I say dating first because your partner should be like a realy close friend... hope it makes more sence than it sounds.

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  • The woman I am dating was my friend first. We talked and joked and what-not. Now we are dating, but that's really it. We just kind of hang-out. Nothing serious. It's like we are still friends, it's just a little deeper.

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  • Wow, there is a lot of bullsh*t in this poll.

    The friend-zone exists for a reason.

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    • What do you mean?

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    • My mistake

    • For some reason I just go by always heading straight towards the friend zone & working into the boyfriend "area". It just seems to work well for me.

  • i think its important to get your intentions across early if you plan on dating them to avoid confusion but it can work in any which way

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  • be friends at first...but then have to make your move fast because you don't wanna know a lot of the things on the person your gonna make the move on...

    so yea be friends get to know the very basic basic stuff at first, then make the move

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  • My girlfriend and I were both friends, before she fell for me and we started dating.

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What Girls Said 18

  • Dating is not much different than being "just friends" in terms of getting to know each other. My boyfriend and I have known each other all of 1 month, had such a whirlwind relationship so far and are both convinced we've met "the one". If that's not crazy, then I don't know what is. I do think there is a benefit to dating casually versus jumping into a dating commitment. However, I think it really depends on your connection with the person in question. With my boyfriend, he initiated the first conversation and basically said he wanted someone who would take the time to get to know him and not rush things. I understood that and after texting for 6 hours straight after he got off of work, he told me he just couldn't contain himself anymore and asked me out for a date. We had fun, kissed goodnight and talked on the phone that night for an hour or so. He asked me out again the next day and in the middle of that date, he admitted he was falling for me. I was too and told him so. Now, his ex and mother caused many problems and we've broken up and gotten back together 3 times so far. After an emotionally intense conversation in person he basically told me he'd never felt this way and was scared by it and confused as to what to do...until that moment. Now, we are 100% comitted to each other and very much in love. His ex is out. His mom hasn't accepted me all the way but accepts that her son is serious about me.

    I'm not convinced taking it slow is always the way to go. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out that way. I think though our relationship started out very rocky, it will be better for it in the long run. We are still getting to know each other and have much to learn. But the basis for being in the relationship with each other is how we feel about each other; not how well we know each other.

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    • I guess I didn't word my question right. I consider "dating" someone to mean the same thing as a serious relationship. I meant to ask it as in starting a relationship....

  • I've never done the friends thing first. I think that's because most of my guy friends already have girlfriends or their girls are actually friends of mine. I love my girlfriends like my sisters, which means that up to a certain point I love my guy friends like brothers. I wouldn't want things to get weird. And I don't really ask guys out, either. I usually just meet friends of friends and then they approach me and ask me out on a date or something. So I blame the dudes! They've just never taken me in the direction of "friendship first" before. I think it'd be nice to try though. Just not too far into friendship where we'd giggle or hide our eyes if we saw one another naked haha.

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  • Within a very short period of time (like, a couple of conversations), guys either go into two categories for me: Friends, or Crushes. Of all my guy friends, there's only been ONE that can move between the two categories. It's also why I have a really, really hard time being friends with an ex. I never stop seeing what initially attracted me to them, whereas my guy friends were just missing that spark. I have NEVER gotten a crush on a long term male friend. It just does not happen.

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  • i've always been friends first.

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  • I like to kind of befriend them and hang out and stuff first. There's nothing wrong with the both of you being really attracted to each other but most times it's a little bit better to try to be friends first

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  • it goes both ways for me, but I usually like to be friends first. You are more likely to know who they really are, and you are more unlikely to get a broken heart (in the sense of, finding out he's a jerk, etc)

    I just think its better

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  • It depends. The majority of guys that I've dated were friends first. But there have been guys that I've met and just hit it off with right from the start

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  • I'm surprised this many think you should date people you don't even know!

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  • I would want to get to know them first. I mean I don't want to get with a guy that I had nothing in common with.

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  • Why date someone before you get a feel of who they are? I think it's very pointless, and a waste of time. If you're friends first you don't have to go through all that awkwardness with each other in the early dating stage; because you'll already know a little bit about them. It could be good or bad, either way it goes, getting a chance to know someone is way less stressful than jumping right in.

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  • Me and my boyfriend met at a club, he was a friends of a friends. We just hit it off, but didn't say we were boyfriend or girlfriend but acted like a couple. We still saw each other and went to a festival 6 days later. And that's when we started going out. I think its bad going out with friends because you are more likely to lose a good friend if something happens. I disagree with dating straight away, but seeing each other first is always good then it can become more serious.

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  • Get to know them of course! But becoming true friends takes a long time and I doubt very many people do that before dating.

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  • I voted B but you can go either way really. Dating can also be about getting to know each other and at the same time become friends. Most people tend to be friends first because they'd rather get to know the person beforehand (first impressions aren't always trusty [new word]) and not everyone becomes interested at first meet.

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  • It's always good for me to talk to the person a while. I have gone out before without getting to know them and it was a little awkward with nothing much to say and all.

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  • what if the guy turns out to be a real jerk just a few weeks after meeting him. Like, you finally meet the 'real' him?

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  • i think it would be way better if you became friend and got to know each other more and then start dating if there's passion!

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  • friends first. friendship is the building block of all relationships, any kind!

    anything relationship without friendship isn't a true relationship.

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  • Dating someone is gettin to know them to see if you all are compatible. friends already know each other so y date? your just going out with your friends butnot dating them. you've already been seeing them. So dating is when two people are seeing each other, going out on dates to get to know each other. Dating is an interview for marriage.

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