Boyfriend hit me after I slapped him?

We were in a heated argument in the car. Long story short, my bf made me give up drinking a while back (I am not a drinker, only rarely drank on social occasions prior) because he did not drink himself and is firmly against it. So I gave it up because I cared about him. 6 months ago at a birthday party, my cousin asked me to help her finish her last drink since she was completely gone and couldn't drink anymore. Feeling bad for her, and knowing how much it cost, I did, in front of my bf. He lost it.

Fast forward to recently, this story resurfaced b/w us while we were fighting. He was provoking me, mocking me by saying "Oh I was only helping my cousin! Excuses!" He continued to call me names like "fucking stupid idiot" and this is when I lost it, and slapped him across the face. His immediate reaction was to punch me in the face, in which I got a swollen lip and started bleeding profusely. He apologized a million times after that, saying that he hated himself. He even went to the store to get rubbing alcohol and ice for me.

*My bf has called me names in the past, and mentally/emotionally abused me. But he has NEVER physically abused me until this incident.

Question: I should not have slapped him, but did this excuse him to hit me as hard as he did?


0|1
6|11

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, he is excused. If you don't want to receive force, don't initiate force. It's a simple rule, which unfortunately many women STILL don't understand despite allegedly wanting sexual equality so much! Don't try to excuse yourself with claims of emotional abuse. If the roles were reversed, and you'd been calling him names, and he had initiated force against you, would you expect any of us to lay the blame on you and call you an emotional abuser who had it coming? Come on now.

    You lose all creditability whne you violate someone's rights by initiating force against that person. You're lucky you're not a man, because you might have had the police called on you. You should apologize to him.

    0|0
    3|0
    • I've been called names in the past, mocked. I've never hit anyone.

    • Show All
    • If you do what many of the people here (especially the women) are suggesting and heap the blame on him for your actions, no guy's ever going to take you seriously. If you want a serious, genuine, emotionally-connected relationship in the future, you have to do some growing up. If you put your mind to it, I'm sure you can achieve it :)

    • Apparently many of the people here approve of gender inequality and partner violence. That's sad.

What Guys Said 10

  • I believe you two just need to talk about what is really going on. Because having problems between both of you resurfacing in another separate fight is not a healthy thing. Also being in a relationship where you feel emotionally abused is also not a good thing. I would understand the occasional fights but to be degraded is something you need to fix or end it. The punch thing was a reaction, but it is obvious there are problems in your relationship which I believe you need to talk to him about.
    I am sorry for the opinion, I feel I am getting into something I shouldn't. but that is why this website exist.

    1|0
    0|1
  • He abused you mentally, emotionally and now physically... Let me guess, you love him and dont want to break up... Leave his sorry f****t ass. Wow

    5|1
    0|1
  • He's got some real anger management issues. Losing his shit over one drink and then bringing it up and repeatedly insulting you like that is crazy. The only way I can think of to stop him from your positron would be the slap, at which point him punching you back is inexcusable. I slap never equals a punch.

    1|0
    0|1
  • He shouldn't have hit you because he got slapped, a man wouldn't do that only little boys

    4|0
    1|1
  • It did not excuse him to hit you. You did not mention how old you guys are but I would assume young, maybe teens only because if he were a man, he should have taken it and accepted he was wrong for being abusive mentally/emotionally towards you. Then again, a guy's natural response after being physically hit intentionally by someone is to hit back and defend himself, but I guess because of the heat of the moment mixed with anger, he acted too quickly resulting in his immediate apology. After this, he should know not to act to quickly the next time you guys get in an argument but in the case that he DOES do it again, then I don't see the future of the relationship going well.

    But i'd say forgive him this time, people make mistakes.

    1|0
    0|1
  • YOU NEVER TOUCH A WOMAN. hope you drew blood or left a mark

    2|0
    0|2
    • You never touch a LADY. LADIES don't slap people.

    • Re read.. she was PROVOKED...

    • What a scumbag of a bf. I can actually block hits lol. Hopefully I never get a bf that even thinks about hitting me. It would really be his mistake.

  • U r not wrong on this this thing. In the case love, it may hurt other. nothing to worry everything will be fine.

    0|0
    0|1
  • You hit him, you got hit back. Even. no special treatment here princess.

    1|1
    3|0
    • There's a huge difference between a slap and a punch though, if nothing else.

    • I would what this so called bf would have done next if it was me and I were to then block his punch. I can block hits.

  • you know him better now and you did before i think you should talk about it x

    0|0
    0|0
  • Why are you in an abusive relationship in the first place?

    1|0
    0|1

What Girls Said 6

  • Boyfriend hit me after I slapped him?
    Meh in my opinion he was just looking for a viable reason to hit you and you're 'lucky' he didn't take this as an out to beat you down. I notice guys very rarely respond to the same level of violence that they receive.

    Question: I should not have slapped him, but did this excuse him to hit me as hard as he did?
    It does in many opinions. Not in my opinion as I don't buy the male bs of 'don't hit unless you're willing to get hit back' since I find most who say that also use the sl*t/stud double standard. That double standard has the same logic as the hitting double standard so it's telling to me that guys seemingly are only willing to accept the same consequences for the seem behavior when it allows them to beat down a gal.

    3|0
    1|2
  • He shouldn't have punched you, he should have slapped him back. That's like stabbing someone in the neck after they've shoved you. A punch is an over reaction to a slap. If you punched him then my answer would have been different.

    You're in an abusive relationship. You should leave him.

    1|0
    0|1
  • Neither of you should be laying a hand on the other out of anger. However, cold clocking you was a little extreme and for a man to do that to a woman is a little past the point of "self defense" over a slap. I'd be wary of this in the future if I were you, should you decide not to end things. My advice, however, is that this relationship is way too contentious to continue on both ends. He shouldn't call you names, you shouldn't slap him, and he shouldn't punch you. Get out.

    2|2
    0|1
  • I'd seriously reconsider staying with a guy like that. My ex wanted me to get a tan, go to church, etc. He dropped it eventually but I still ended up leaving him. For other bigger reasons but yeah. Don't stand for that shit.

    1|0
    0|1
  • Well, maybe you will disagree with me (and I didn't read it, to be honest) but someone has the right to hit you back when you hit them.

    0|1
    2|0
    • That's right you shouldn't have put your hands on him. When you get to the point that you become so angry just walk away ;)

Loading...