Is it normal to become distant with a person who has rejected you?

I was rejected recently and while I'm still on speaking terms with the girl, I've become distant towards her. She'll smile at me and I just don't really have the urge to smile and I don't like being around her, so I try and avoid her as much as possible. Is this a natural reaction to have? I am not really used to rejection as I don't ask many girls out as I'm very shy, so I am not sure how I should act. What's the best way to act around her?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • How long ago has she rejected you? Did this happen recently? It's going to take some time to get over this. This type of behavior is perfectly normal. You're just a little hurt and upset because the moment you are not too shy to ask a girl, she rejects you. Just act as if it doesn't bother you. It's okay not to smile when she smiles. Treat her as a friend, like it never happened.

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    • It happened around 3 weeks ago. I will continue to be polite to her, but I am not going to treat her as a friend because she's not a friend, but I am acting like it never really happened, but my behavior has changed towards her and I think that's understandable.

What Girls Said 6

  • There's nothing wrong with keeping your distance. I do it all the time with men (my husband) when I know he's going to hurt me somehow (which over the years, has been quite often). Protect yourself. Nobody else is going to do it for you.

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    • I understand where you are coming from and I should take a leaf out of your book.

  • It's normal :) After I was rejected, me and my crush slowly stopped talking and I'm glad I did. It's a natural reaction, especially since you are shy. Rejections come, don't let them affect you.

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    • Too true -- It's not really affected me greatly, but I do think the change in my behavior towards her could be construed by her and her friends as me being immature and butt sore and that couldn't be further from the truth.

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    • You raise good points, I won't lie it hurt me when it happened, but for some reason I really care about what people think of me.

    • yeah, I have that problem too. But for me it only started because of some things my idiot ex-crush called me. And made me even more shy and insecure. But I've learned to stop caring what people think of me. Of course it hurt, you can't possibly be like a wall after one since you had feelings for that person, so i think there still is a bit of anger/sadness. but it will go away

  • Of course it's normal, you are probably hurt, and you have the right to not wanting to talk to her. Just keep in mind she isn't a bitch for rejecting you, it is her right : )

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    • I've got no hard feelings towards her, I wish her nothing but good fortune. I'm not a nasty person and I am not self-entitled either, I just feel that the attraction I had for her has diminished.

    • It's completely normal to feel that way. You sounds like a great guy, I'd probably be a bit mad or hurt, even though I had absolutely no right to be.

  • Get away from her. It's better for your mental health (and the friendship) for you to get away from it completely until you are 100% over it... as in, could care less if the friendship continues or not... could genuinely be happy if she told you she just got a new bf... maybe have a new gf of your own.

    Otherwise, just cut ties! It's cleaner and better for everybody involved.

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    • I am keeping my distance from her just because I don't want any awkwardness and I don't want her to think that she has hurt me or done something wrong because she hasn't. But I'm getting better and the responses to this question have definitely helped me.

      If she gets a new boyfriend then I'd be happy for her (I'd wish it was me of course) but I am not a bitter person and I am mature enough to accept things for what they are.

      Also we have never been friends, we just work together.

  • Normal. Similar thing happened to me. I just avoid him and act like he doesn't bug me. I make sure not to seem all sad in front of him though.

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    • So would you behave the same way I have behaved or would you have handled the situation differently?

    • It depends, but with the particular guy I'm happy I handled it the way I did. He was pretty rude to me

    • I see! She wasn't rude to me, but she sort of ignored me afterwards, then the following week she was normal with me, then the following week she was always in my space, she actually came and stood next to me waiting for me to speak to her and recently she's gone back to ignoring me and this has in part led me to act aloof around her like I have been doing. I suppose I'm blowing hot and cold because she is.

  • Just act like nothing happened try to put up a front for now and you yourself will start believing it means nothing now. You wanna act like nothing happened in front of her so she can be like oh he seems fine and not all sad and all cause I rejected him you know? Don't show her you were hurt pretty much

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    • I'm not hurting at all, I accepted her rejection after a few days and I am fine with her decision, I just really have no reason to speak to her or be around her anymore now. If I bump into her, I'll say hey and ask her how she is like I do with everyone I know and see, but there's just no desire to bother with her anymore and I really don't like being around her, it makes me feel uneasy and uncomfortable.

    • Yeah I understand but dont try to be awk though even though I guess it nothing to you anymore she will still have the thought oh is he hurt still.. And all

    • Yeah I suppose you're right, but it would be nice if she avoided me as well. I felt like she was trying to get my attention the other week by standing next to me and being around me a lot more than usual and it made me feel uncomfortable. I think she sensed this as the following week she seemed to be around me less often and that was appreciated by me.

What Guys Said 6

  • It is completely normal. I have plenty of experience where this happens to me. I just treat them normally. If she was your friend it's harder. Personally I just drift apart from the person. I would guess you need to keep doing what you do with your life. Do this until you feel comfortable with her. Because by my experience women don't really care if you are struggling. it's your job to "move on". So yeah keep doing the things you love to do and treat her normally. Look for her if you want to and talk to her if you want to. just live life. Sorry I don't have a step by step thing but that is what seems to help the most.

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    • Well I am not upset or sad about anything, I'm moving on with things, I was just wondering if how I felt was normal.

    • Then yes, it is completely normal.

  • Not odd.

    Try to be polite.

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    • I am polite to her, but we used to always make eye contact every time we passed each other and give each other a smile and I don't do that anymore, I'll just walk past her without making any eye contact and I don't smile at her much. She smiled at me the other day and I gave her a half smile. I just don't feel as interested in her as I did before the rejection and considered she's always turned me down I feel no reason to give her any attention.

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    • I think you're doing fine. Basically ignore her, if she catches your eye and smiles or something, you act friendly but not like a lap dog.

    • That sounds like a plan.

  • Yeah of course I think that is 99% of people's reaction when you get rejected it really hurts and that will make you ashamed to even engage in conversation with that person.

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    • It hurts, but I don't feel ashamed, I'm a shy and reserved guy, so I am proud of myself for asking her out, but because she's unobtainable I see no reason to view her as anything more than a mere acquaintance.

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    • Thanks. :D
      I was so nervous.

    • Yep no problem :)

  • It's perfectly normal.

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    • It feels a bit petty to me, I've always felt that I should be friendly to people and well I just really don't feel like being friendly towards her, if she talks to me, I'll respond, but I don't have the urge to speak to anymore. It feels weird how you can go from really liking someone and always wanting to be around them to still liking them and not wanting anything to do with them.

  • I do the same thing. I feel, if they don't value me, I'm not going to put any extra value or effort into them.

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  • I'm in the same position dude. Worse for me is she is still flirting with me at work and is still texting me all day.

    My reaction is the same as yours. Even though I don't want to, I feel like I'm distancing myself.

    Kind of unsure myself what tomdo, cause she gives me the impression she's into me.

    Woman eh.. 😕

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    • I'm fortunate enough that I don't have this girls number and I see her once or twice a week at most. So I can't imagine how you must feel in your situation. Do you flirt and text her back?

    • Yes, I flirt in real with her, and I do text her back. It's a bit awkward cause we work together, but on the other hand I'm not gonna deny I like the tension.

    • See if I was in your position I would have stopped flirting and deleted her number. I couldn't continue as normal when I know that she isn't interested in me.

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