What to do about wanting to change my date's physical appearance?

Last week, a guy bought me a drink in a bar. I didn't find him attractive, but I decided to chat with him for a little to be polite. We ended up having a fantastic conversation; he's incredibly funny, witty, intelligent, and sweet. Later, he took me on a great date. However, I can't shake this nagging drive to change his outward appearance. I generally hate facial hair, and bc I like to keep myself fit, I sort of prefer fit guys. He has quite a long beard and he's sorta pudgy. He has an attractive face and as shallow as it sounds, if he just shaved and lost some weight, he would be my absolute ideal. I know I sound superficial and rude, but I can't help how I feel. Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First off, I don't think you should want to change him. But I understand - when people are your age, they want the perfect package. You're definitely being shallow, but you shouldn't be vilified for it.

    To answer your question, there's a couple things you can do to help those specific things. If you don't like the beard, that's a simple conversation. Some guys like their beards, but if he likes you, it shouldn't be a problem. For the weight thing, you guys can go on dates that are more active. Go for a walk in the park or something. Depending on your location, maybe you can go on a hike. Or play tennis. Once you are a bit more established, you guys can go to the gym together.

    But I wouldn't directly talk to him about the weight thing. If you think he's a little overweight, he's certainly thought it. And that could make things worse.

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    • Perfect answer: honest, straightforward, and and helpful. Thanks!

    • Thanks! Good luck with your boyfriend!

What Guys Said 4

  • So, you want to change a guy that most likely has very little self esteem based on his lack of ability to attract women. Someone that probably has had very little attention from other women a sort of diamond in the rough. Change him into an absolute chick magnet, a polished diamond that everyone will covet and throw themselves at.

    I usually don't ever agree with women trying to change, control or dictate to men. For that matter I don't agree with it whether a woman does it or a man does it. In this case it might be really good for his self esteem so go for it... I'm sure he will really appreciate this particular time because ultimately you are simply helping him achieve a higher social status in life.

    Subtle suggestions should work, tell him you simply don't like the facial hair. Most women have their opinions about tat issue. Buy him some really handsome outfits...

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    • Thank you for sharing your opinion! I appreciate your honesty and thoughtful insights :)

  • Wow, what a lucky guy. Advice, leave the guy alone and change yourself.

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    • That's not fair. If I were as shallow as you're accusing me of being, I wouldn't be giving him a chance at all. No one can say that physical attraction doesn't play a role in the development of a relationship, and I was just using this as a method of sorting through my thoughts.

    • Your only giving him the chance if he conforms to what you deem is attractive. If I said to you we could date , but only if you cut your hair and always were makeup to hide your imperfections. Would you consider that shallow.

  • no one can't change anybody, please you seem smart and sweet.. Do not worry about things like this.. Seriously

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  • I shouldn't have to change myself for a woman... women are always complaining about how they shouldn't have to change for men, so why should men?

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    • That's certainly a fair point. Thanks.

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