I want to like him but I think don't and it's hurting us both. Anyone have insight or comfort?

If you're here to judge me, click the back button.

I'm dating this guy right now and I'm struggling with how I feel about him. He's a sweet person but very insecure in some ways, and I'm partly contributing to the insecurity. The smart part of me is telling me to stop dragging this out, that if it was a good match, I'd be head-over-heels for him while I'm not. The other part of me wonders if maybe I'm just too afraid to make a connection. So, I'm just stuck trying to stay true to myself but at the same time inflict the least amount of hurt possible on both myself and him. I'm kinda of failing so far. The longer I don't tell him clearly how I feel about him, the more I can see I hurt him.

I don't know what to do. He's a good person, but his insecurities ultimately make it impossible for me to be attracted to him. I don't want to be another person in his life that brings him down by leaving him because I care about him, but at the same time I feel like I'm drowning with him sometimes, I can't carry his burdens for him or twist my life around to make his less painful.

Unfortunately, this isn't exactly the first time in my life I've ended up in this situation, which only makes things worse. Has anyone been through something like this? What did you end up doing and how did you do it?


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What Guys Said 1

  • You need to try to help each other. If you can't do that, then yes, it's better to break it off cleanly, rather than 'twist' your life to fit his, or to make his less problematic.

    Don't 'spring' this on him, but I'm sure he half expects you to leave, so don't feel as if you are hurting him. In the long run, it will hurt less to have an amicable break-up.\

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    • Yeah I think we definitely have tried to help each other and just for that alone I value his company. But there's only so much I can do if he hasn't figured himself out.

      I guess I don't know how not to spring it on him. We've had many conversations on this topic so I suspect you're quite right about him half expecting it. I guess there isn't a good way to do it.

What Girls Said 1

  • Sometimes people get in their own way, and its unfair for you to have to carry his weight with something he needs to deal with on his own. Don't CONVINCE yourself to like someone. You either do it don't. This has happened to me before. My friend introduced me to this guy who was really sweet. Everyone thought he was perfect for me, so I tried. But I failed miserably. We can't trick ourselves into liking someone. It just doesn't work, and in hindsight you end up wasting time when you could've been spending it on someone you actually ARE attracted to.

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    • Yeah. I know that this is true. But he's so fragile in some ways that it breaks my heart to have to add to that. In the long run I know that it will make him stronger, because getting over pain has that tendency but still, I just feel like the world's biggest schmuck for letting it get this far.

    • I TOTALLY know what you mean. Its awful at the time, but once you do it its like a weight off your shoulders.

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