Think as if you were a parent: to what extent would you allow your teenager privacy when their SO is in their room?What would you allow them to do?

Alright so I'm going to start off with a recent event that happened with my mom. She had told me previously that she felt uncomfortable with seeing my girlfriend and I underneath the covers or laying in my bed together in general. My house is small and filled with nothing to do so we have no choice but to hang out in my room and to pass the time we like to cuddle closely under my blanket. That's all we do, no sex, no groping, no french kissing- just two people in love that want to hold each other and gaze into each other's eyes. 2 weeks ago my girlfriend was over and my mom saw exactly that: us cuddled under my blanket sleeping. Like literally eyes closed and just laying there together. She was so outraged that she essentially banned my girlfriend from ever coming over because that made her way too uncomfortable.

My question now is... what the hell? Like, we do NOTHING sexual whether it be in my house or anywhere private so I don't see her problem. We have the doors open and even have the light on when dark because again my mom is too uncomfortable so we try to meet her halfway with that.

Is this overreacting to you or is it justified somehow? Would you trust your teen with a SO in their room with a closed door? What would you let them do- like, are you the "if they're going to have sex at least do it under my roof where it's safe" type, the "don't have sex and you're good" type, or the "3 feet away at all times" type?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i had a similar situation: my boyfriend and i were in my room watching a movie, not in my bed or anything, just laying on top of the blankets. i had my head on his chest and my hand on his stomach and my dad walked in and flipped out on us. needless to say we don't feel comfortable being together at my house anymore so he never comes over.

    stemming from this situation, i asked my parents individually how they felt about us "touching" (not even in a sexual way) while at our house and here were my parents responses:

    Dad's- you can't lay next to each other, you can't lean against him, you can't hold hands. i won't allow it.

    Mom's- as long as you aren't having sex, i'm fine with whatever you do. he needs to feel comfortable coming over here.

    I obviously lean more towards Mom's reasoning haha. I would let my teen and their SO snuggle or cuddle, it wouldn't bother me. Just as long as they weren't like being inappropriate in the living room haha. I definitely wouldn't want them having sex (i believe in waiting till marriage), but i would definitely let them nap together.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I think that you are feeling entitled. It doesn't matter how other parents would feel or what other parents would allow their children to do in their own home.

    Some parents are comfortable with boyfriends and girlfriends being in their kids rooms, some not. It's their own right to make the rules of their own house. It's not the kids job to decide it for them.

    You are an adult now and you're mom really doesn't have to take care of you anymore. There is nothing wrong with you living with your mom but according to your age range, you are legally an adult.

    Being an adult doesn't mean that your mom should let you do whatever you want in her house. It means that you are responsible for yourself. If you don't like your mom's rules, its not really her who needs to change, it's you who needs to move out.

    If you want to cuddle in bed (and not have sex cough cough lol) why not go to your girlfriends house? Or else where?

    You should respect your mom and her house whether you agree with her rules or not. I'm sure that when you get your own place, there are certain boundaries that you will want your mom to be respectful of too.

    And when you have kids of your own, you'll want them to respect your house too. You never know how you'll feel about it until you are a parent yourself in a similar situation.

    Be grateful that your mom allows you to live at home with her at your age and show your gratitude by being respectful. I'm sure your mom will allow your gf to come around again once you've started showing your respect. If not... move.

    No matter how cool of a parent you believe you'll be in the future just remember that its not your moms job to take care of you anymore and its certainty not her job to make accommodations for you and your girlfriend.

    You're grown.

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  • To be fair she doesn't know if you're lying about doing more than cuddling, cuddle on top of the sheets and watch a movie in the future just to compromise for your mum. I'd be uncomfortable with my kids partner coming over and being sexual with them I'd find it disrespectful, my mum used to allow my boyfriend in my room until 11pm just to watch films and she let my brothers gf sleep over until it got ridiculous and the girl overstayed her welcome every time by staying a whole week instead of 1 night each time she came. Maybe that's why I find it disrespectful but my rule would be no sleeping over or sex, cuddle on the sofa.

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  • I would definitely want my kids to be safe and responsible if they're having sex (though I hope they don't start too young). My own parents know that their kids have sex and they're okay with that, but they're the kind of people who don't want to think about it. None of us were allowed to be in a room with the door closed if we were with a SO. I'm older now and my fiance and I stay over at their house pretty often and we share the bed, it's not a huge deal anymore.

    I don't think your mom is overreacting though. You're living at her house, so you have to follow her rules.

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  • As a parent I would not be comfortable with you under the covers either. She has told you still and you have disregarded her wishes, an issue into itself.

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  • I wouldn't believe that you weren't doing anything if you were my over 18 year son. Try sitting down and talking to her and ditching the blanket, if you've nothing to hide under the blanket then don't use it. or keep your hands over the top... Or move out and do what you like!

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  • Your mom sounds crazy. My boyfriend sleeps over, I sleep at his house, door closed. We're usually naked, and do have sex and fool around frequently.

    BUT my mom used to be uncomfortable with it. She eventually got over it. You're old enough that she shouldn't care. But at the end of the day it's her house so you should try to be accommodating to her rules.

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  • Im sure you dont want to see you parents do that and they dont want to see you do that. Ithink they should get you some condoms cuz you are going to do it anyway. The banning will only make you sneak around. But come on dont be so obvious when they are around.

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    • Nah, we're both "wait until marriage" type people so I'm strictly talking cuddling.

What Guys Said 4

  • If you're over 18, do whatever the hell you want

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  • I wouldn't be OK with my kids fucking other people's kids in my house. They can either get their own place when they are old enough or do what I did when I was a teen and find random fun places to have sex. Go for a run and fuck up against a tree on a nature trail, at the beach on a blanket at night, at her house when her parent's are at work, on top of a building roof, etc. Growing up the idea of fucking with my mom 15 feet away sitting on the couch was just too weird of an idea for me. Hopefully my kids like being discrete as well and will find their own places to enjoy the people they meet.

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  • Your an adult, that means that you are under your parents roof by their will only, no right keeps you there, show respect to those who are letting you stay as a guest in their house or leave and do whatever you want as is your right as an adult -just not on their private property

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  • I don't see why you needed to be under the sheets.

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