How many sexual partners can your expected boyfriend have until it becomes uncomfortable?

I'm a virgin and the guy who I talk to isn't. I asked him how many girl has he had sexual relations with. He said around 20. He's 22. I think at least 5 is too many. I was jealous that all those other girls have had a piece of him that I don't have. Is there a number? Should there be a number? Am I wrong for feeling a little bit disappointed?


Most Helpful Guy

  • That's a lot of partners. I'm 30 and I've had maybe half that. I'm a little disappointed by that though, it wasn't by choice lol. Women tend to use me for sex but that's another topic.

    I think 3 is THE number. No more than that. His rampant sexuality indicates that he's probably not the type to settle down or take sex or relationships seriously. It's good that he was honest with you but you need to step back and think about what you want out of your relationship. If you want something serious than this guy probably isn't it. He's probably super gorgeous which is why you're talking to him, don't let that be the deciding factor for staying with him.

    I read a blog by a guy who said that women ACCEPT the wrong guys by forgiving them just because of "chemistry." They REJECT the right guys because of the lack of chemistry. Careful you don't fall into the former.

    I know I feel disappointed when I find out a woman has had a ton of partners (more than 3). It's even harder now that I'm getting older. Honesty, I feel like if a woman isn't settled down by the time she's 25 then there must be something wrong with her. There's SOME reason why a guy isn't with her. She doesn't have to be married but she has to at least have a steady boyfriend of several years. Age is also indicative of a higher number of sexual partners... obviously older women will have had more partners than younger ones which is another reason why it's such a bummer.

    • pretty accurate assessment. Every girl I meet who's not settled down by mid 20s has some pretty heavy character defects

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    • 25? That's rather young to be "settled down." This is 2014, live a little.

    • Nah, no thanks Relahvent. Enjoying life doesn't mean enjoying hedonistic pleasure and getting used up at a young age. You and me obviously differ on that subject.

      Also, your reference to time is completely irrelevant. People have been talking about this since the dawn of time. There's a reason why the Old Testament is loaded with references to sexuality and hedonism. This is about loyalty and fidelity. How much of that do you really have if you spend a lifetime steeped in alcohol, drugs, women (lots of them) and men? Can you really say that you've been a devoted person when you love a person one day, drop them, and love another the next?

      You need to reconsider everything, buddy.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I don't think you should have asked him that, but when you did he should have said "I'm not comfortable saying 'cause it doesn't matter anyway." Because it doesn't matter. Or it shouldn't.

  • honestly there isn't cause it not easy for a guy to tell you that


What Girls Said 8

  • Personally, I think that intimacy should be saved for someone you truly care about, not tossed around all willy-nilly. I'm not sure if there is an actual number where you can say, "Nope. You've had too many lovers. You're spoiled goods," but I can see where his number of partners (especially at his age) may be distressing. I think you have the right to be a bit stunned or disappointed, but also understand that it's his life/decision and he can kinda do as he pleases.
    Personally, I kinda agree with your number. (But any set number is going to be a personal opinion, and likely an approximation, at that.$

    • Thank You

    • lol commendable opinion but keep in mind you're under 18... I know plenty of girls who voiced opinions like that, but by time they were 24, 25, they had been with a dozen + guys (often while still VOICING the still rhetoric regarding intimacy)...

  • If its as many as his age or higher id be like oh shit dude, nice job.
    I would only be uncomfortable about the number because I don't know if people are getting STD's from some people and not even know yet.
    Overall i wouldn't take it personally myself.

    There shouldn't be a number, i dont think there is an official one but everyone has their preference over everything. You aren't wrong for feeling disappointed but dont kick yourself over it, its no biggie

  • You're not wrong for feeling disappointed. Nothing wrong with you wanting to feel special, not like a notch on the bedpost.

  • That's a lot. If you don't want to date him, you shouldn't. As for, should there be a number? That's up to you. It seems like you don't want to date him.

  • As long as he is clean. I don't need a number

  • I'd say around 3-4 at most before it gets weird.

  • It depends. If a guy has that many, then it sounds like he's sleeping around with a new girl each month. Personally, that would worry me, because then what if he leaves me after a month or after we have sex or whatever?
    At the same time, I know a guy who used to sleep with a lot of girls, and then one time he found a girl who he wanted to settle down with, for whatever reason she was "different" and they dated for a while.
    So just because his number is high, it doesn't mean that it can't work- but you should still be cautious.
    Good luck!