What does it mean if she doesn't flirt back, but doesn't rejects you?

[Anonymous]

I'm totally confused about this girls interest in me and dont feel like summing up our past on what happened. Here's our convo last night and i'd like opinions on whether she's interested or not based off THIS convo

Just want to point out she's an alcoholic and i'm helping her out with it. She knows i am interested but wants to "stay single for now" untill she feels she's stable for a relationship. No, this isint a BS excuse. Her daily life is TOTALLY consumed by her addiciton AND caused her to gain weight,

Anyway:

Me: You know, you're a totally different person when sober and thats the one I wanna date :p
Her: Why?
Her: *Sends a selfie with some cleavage* my boobies are too big too (shes talking about how the alcohol caused her to gain weight)
Me: Why do I wanna date the sober you? Haha thats an obvious question. And don't tease me :p
Her: It's cause im too fat (shes implying when she gets sober, she'll lose the weight)
Me: You're not fat! You're fine. You know I like you for you! You dont realize this but when you're sober you're a completely different person, you're more calm and caring
Her: I can be mean when sober too
Me: Haha well so can everybody, you should come over to my house one day :)
Her: Maybe (she gives this answer a lot when i try to get her to hang out. she tells me she's extremely shy and thats why she barely hangs, and cause she doesn't want to develop feelings when she's just trying to get better)
Me: Stop being so shy and lets hang already
(2 hours later)
Me: Are you ok? what are you up to?

(the convo changes now)

ANYWAY... Opinions girls and guys?

interested

neutral

not interested

Updates

+1 y

also are you sure she's flirting back? i doubt her interest a lot cause of what i said below, her barely hanging, and too, she seems to remain neutral/change topic when i flirt

i once texted her "you know, if you want me to move on, tell me"

[lazzenby]

I don't want this to sound harsh so let me put on m kid gloves…
I don't think she's interested in you. i think she's interested in your attention.
I say this because I've been that girl, not an alcoholic but dealing with a huge issue in my life and I leaned on nice guys like you to pump enough attention into me that i could sustain what little self-esteem i had going for me.
If she really was interested, she would be trying as hard as she could to keep you. It's not every day you come across someone who is genuine enough to be supportive of something like addiction, and even more rare is it to come across a guy who will look past surface level attributes to the beauty we all possess within.

If you feel like you're being strung along…you are.
If you feel like you're being used…you have the power to not let her do that to you.
Most importantly, and I stress this to all you men out there: if she was interested, you would know.

My advice is to continue to be there for her, let her sort out her own issues before you inherit them as your own.
But for now, forget this idea of romantic entanglement. You can't expect her to be good to herself if you can't do the same…even at her expense.
be well and i hope this helped.

[Asker]

"If she really was interested, she would be trying as hard as she could to keep you."

How does she show, that she's not interested?

[Asker]

Also by the way, when i first met her, before her issues got bad, she was GENUINELY into me. I met her off a dating website fyi

[Asker]

One last thing.

Alcohol causes her to act extremely irrational and defensive and get angry easily. a lot of times she BLOWS UP at me over something small, and i honestly never thought i'd hear from her again, and i always get a text from her later.

I don't know if that means something. you know, about keeping me. oh and whenever i suggest something about me and her dating, she doesn't say anything negative. sometimes just a simple "yeah".

like i once said to her "im glad you have a high sex drive :P" and she goes "yeah"

[moosette134]

Number one, don't pressure her. She does need to focus on getting better. Numbe two, don't double text. Believe me, I understand the temptation but it makes it worse. At least wait until the next day. Number three, your flirting is obvious - she knows you like her and you aren't hiding it. Hers is more subtle. She's joking with you. And that's a good sign. But please, please wait. Don't push her. Don't try to get her to hang out when she doesn't want to. If you don't listen to what she's telling you to do - in this case to wait for a relationship - she's going to lose her trust.

[Asker]

"she's going to lose her trust" can you elaborate on this?

and its so frustrating getting to hang with her, to the point where i feel like im being strung along/i worry i might wait around for nothing. i dont get why she barely hangs when she likes me ( at least i think, our first meet up was amazing)

[Asker]

added my reply to update, LOL oops. read update

to elabatorate on update too, she said to that text an hour later something off topic. didn't reject nor flirt back, see what im saying?

[moosette134]

I mean that, if I were either telling or signaling to a guy I was talking to to be patient, to wait, that I wasn't ready (or anything else for that matter) and he wasn't listening to me and kept trying to do whatever I didn't want him to, I would lose my trust in him. I'd think, wow, this guy doesn't care enough to respect what I'm saying I need from him, so he must not respect me. I'm gonna close myself off to protect myself. Girls want to be listened to.
And regarding the update, it goes back to the same thing. She's not saying she's not interested for the future, she's just being smart about taking care of herself before she adds anyone else to the equation. When you're in a relationship, you have to give of yourself all the time, and she knows she can't do that right now while she's focusing on being healthy.

[Asker]

I'm a bit curious why she can't hang tho... why is that such a big thing?

[moosette134]

I don't know her so I can't answer that, but she is telling you what she needs so you should listen.

[Asker]

Thanks for your comments and opinions :)

im confused about one last thing... Ok so she wants to get better. fair enough. why can't she date me AND get better? I've been helping her through this and she's doing much better.

also when i should i ask her about me and her dating?

[moosette134]

When she sees herself as doing better, ten if say you're safe. You, on the outside, will be able to see improvement more than she will. It's harder to see change in yourself. So once she is feeling it herself she'll feel more stable and more able to add a relationship to her life.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your help. whats your opinion on izzaneby's opinion above?

[moosette134]

As an optimist, I don't usually come to a conclusion like that. It's not my way of thinking. My brain will always come up with what I think is the better alternative. But I won't deny I've seen people act that way before and it's not particularly unusual or far fetched. That could very well be the truth. But real truth is, the only one who knows is her. None of us on here (besides you) know this girl at all. It's all guesswork based on a small amount of information and what we can assume based on personal experience.

[Asker]

Is there a particular question i could ask to find out the truth? How would you phrase it?

[moosette134]

I honestly don't know. I'm not very forward so I'd probably be too shy to ask in the first place. If you're prepared to be direct, I guess you can just ask. As for phrasing I don't really know. But if the case is as the other user has guessed (or in either case really), I'd prepare for her to be a little angry or defensive. That's going to put her on the spot.

[Asker]

sorry i never got back to you. so i asked her, and she was just saying stuff like "do you not realize im sick? a relationship could destroy me" and "stop pressuring me" ( i apologized about pressuring 2 days later)

but see what im getting at? she doesn't reject ME, she is just saying she can't date because of something else.

also i asked her recently why she always says "maybe" or "We'll see" or ignores me when i hint at hanging out. i asked her if she means her responses, or if its a polite no, she says she means her responses cause her mood always changes apparently.

thoughts on that too?

[moosette134]

Honestly I think she's being smart about it. She knows what she needs. She knows she has too much to deal with on her own to try and worry about giving of herself right now. No one who's unhealthy in a way like that or who has to be self centered in order to take care of themselves can be good in a relationship. You can't be the cente of got own attention when you're committed to someone else. She's evading you to protect you as much as herself. Just give her time. Let her feel ready and then and only then, you could ask again. If you keep trying while she's clearly going to deny you, you're going to lose your chance. Respect her now and she'll respect you

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your help. One last little thing :p

So today i randomly texted her "You know, im really glad you're getting help. i mean i'd still wanna be with you if you werent, but it'd be much harder ya know?"

and she replies "yeah"

see? she doesn't exactly reject me or say anything about us not ever going to date, im confused by her actions sometimes lol

[moosette134]

Seems like she's being evasive because you keep bringing it up. I think if you'd just let it go for awhile, she might be more receptive when she's ready to be. Don't guilt her by talking about what YOU want all the time. Think about her first.

[Asker]

Hi again :) was reading my old questions out of boredom, and you said "She's evading you to protect you as much as herself."

can you elaborate please?

[Anonymous]

i think right now you should stay by her side and focus on helping her get through her addiction and givong her some confidence in herself, so she could become a better person and you could both have a healthy relashionship :) if you supported her at her worst, you deserve her at your best

[Asker]

is she interested? based on everything you read? the comments here, my comments, and of course the question.

what do you think?

[Opinion Owner]

I guess she is, however i think she's being distant because she wants to make sure you will still be here no matter how bad the situation gets. She's kind of giving you warnings "i can be mean when sober too". BUT the thing here is that she seems way too comfortable sending you cleavage pics and talking about her body, so there's a chance that she migh have totally friend-zoned you. This is really messy i have mixed opinions

[Asker]

haha i dont believe in friendzone, but thanks for your opinion

besides, what kinda girl that friendzones a guy, sends them cleavage picts? I've never had a "Female friend" do that :p

[Asker]

how so is she being distant? without regards to the "mean" comment lol

[Opinion Owner]

Being distant as in replying 2 hours later trying to change the subject after you asked her out...

[Asker]

Can you elaborate on " i think she's being distant because she wants to make sure you will still be here no matter how bad the situation gets."

cause that seems like an oxymoron lol. wouldn't she want to be close if she wants me there?

[Lilac79]

She's obviously not very self confident and it's hard for her to accept your love but she wants you there. Stay with her.

[Asker]

how so? what makes you decide your answer? and i hope you read everything, including these bottom comments

[Asker]

also and its so frustrating getting to hang with her, to the point where i feel like im being strung along/i worry i might wait around for nothing. i dont get why she barely hangs when she likes me ( at least i think, our first meet up was amazing)

[Asker]

how so does she want me there?

[Lilac79]

She wants you there, I know because I know girls... obviously.. yeah we can be bad at accepting compliments and we put ourselves down but in the end we want someone to be there for us.

[Prof_Don]

I say she's interested but feels a bit insecure with herself dealing with her issues.

in my opinion she likes you but feels she isn't ready for "girlfriend responsibility", but willing to hookup with you and feel some intimacy without the title.

----

I understand where you're coming from.

She likes you, you like her,

and uou want to "lock it down" as soon as possible, and have "the title" so you know that you are not sharing her with other dudes.

But that direct style with a girl this emotionally sensitive is just going to push her away.

Pretty much u have to move at HER pace, which is a slow one at the moment (which we both can understand), and u have to understand that you can't "lock it down" and monogamously have her, therefore the idea of "sharing her with other dudes" is a very fair possibility.

-----

Most importantly, there's nothing u can do about this. Move at her pace without having a "title", or leave it alone.

[Asker]

Its so frustrating getting to hang with her, to the point where i feel like im being strung along/i worry i might wait around for nothing. i dont get why she barely hangs when she likes me ( at least i think, our first meet up was amazing)

[Oponomo]

She is definetly interested. Most people don't go the extra mile of sharing pics with people they have no interest, and since you're a man, the cleavage was not unintentional my dude! I'll be straight with you: If you wanna have a sexual relationship with her, you go to her house and flirt with her, show that intent! Since you guys look to be very close it is ok for a man to flirt heavily, women love that. grab her butt cheeks in playful manner, give her long stares of desire. If she gets turned on instead of off just state that you'd want her sexualy as much as romanticaly and be ready to get out. Women love a man with his own opinion, intention and desire. Keep in mind that if it is not a serious romantic relationship you two are not synced so each individual is caring their own desire alone. If you feel unconditional love and don't care about having no gains, props to you, be there at her side and stay happy with that. Much love my dude.

[ldrccarter]

she wants your attention, but she doesn't want you. I'm sorry

[Asker]

it's tough to tell that sometimes. what are signs a girl likes the attention but not the guy?

[ldrccarter]

When she talks about herself. Like says, OHH I LOOK UGLY TODAY, THIS BIKINI doesn't FIT MY BOOBS. or she sends you a pic of her and doesn't ask one of you, or just stuff like that.