Do you take preventative measures to hinder your S. O. from cheating?

I recently ended a relationship in which my boyfriend cheated. This catalyzed an interesting conversation between a girl friend and I where she remarked "no offense, but you never really did anything to keep him out of 'high risk' situations." I never had a problem with him being around other girls, and I don't feel it's my responsibility to ensure the dude I'm with doesn't cheat. Jealousy is petty to me, and the whole idea seems like a waste of energy. This experience really doesn't change my attitude about this going forward, but I'm curious: Is it normal to try to keep your bf/gf out of situations in which they would be more likely to step out on you?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I do take preventative measures.
    I don't date a girl unless I know se has strong values and is a loyal person.
    I also make sure that I'm as awesome as humanly fucking possible, just to be on the safe side =]

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    • Damn! I'll have to be more awesome next time. ;)

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    • She sounds like the female equivalent of my male friends that try to justify why they cheat :l

    • Thank you for MH :)

What Guys Said 16

  • That kind of mindset that your friend displayed just makes it seem like nobody has personal responsibility. It makes it seem like cheating is like an addiction where you can fall off the bandwagon. Men and women can display self control if they desire. If they want to cheat then the relationship isn't probably something they should be in to begin with.

    I've never tried to control who my girlfriend can be friends with or hang with. She would have complete freedom since it's not my place to put restrictions on her life.

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  • Those "preventative measures" are basically the embodiment of a mixture of mistrust, and controlling / possessive behavior. You are the one right in this scenario, if anything, acting to prevent your partner from being social does prevent cheating I guess, because any sane person would rather choose to break up instead. Limitation is a particular kind of abuse.

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  • Whether someone takes steps to keep their lovers out of "high risk situations" depends on the person. For my part, I do nothing to keep them out of high risk situations. I believe in giving cheaters enough rope to hang themselves.

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  • You don't really know a person until you see what they do when they think no one is watching. I let my girlfriend do whatever she wants and give her the benefit of the doubt. It's not because I'm not worried, but rather because it'll let me know how much I can trust her. You shouldn't have to treat your significant other like a child by watching over them, and doing so will eventually push them farther away.

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  • If you have to control what they do/where they go, you don't trust them and you never will. If they aren't getting something they need from me, and don't tell me, shame on them. I can't read minds. If they cheat, it is on them and good riddence. There is no justification for cheating. They simply are looking for something else, and haven't got the decency to end it first.
    If you have to bend over backwards and do endless things to keep a partner from cheating, I have news for you, no matter what you do, they will cheat.

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  • Yeah, I'm with you on this one. The way I see it: if she's cheating then I'll eventually find out, and in the meantime if she's that shitty of a person she's not worth my time to think about. On the flip side if she's being faithful and true to me, there's no point in sullying her loyalty with distrust. Either way the turnout is: don't worry about it.

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  • Hell no, that's ridiculous.

    I'll be myself completely, I'll give myself to her completely, and I'll absolutely give her the trust that she most certainly would deserve.

    If I feel like I need to go out of my way to hinder her from cheating, then that just means that she doesn't have my trust, and she's not good enough for me. Onto the next.

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  • I don't think preventive measures are good, if you need them then that person cannot be trusted anyway.

    It does pay to be cautious and alert though. In the sense that, you don't stop your SO, but you shower them with care and remind them that you love them, so the rest is up to them.

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  • YES!, highly... damn girl show you care. You let him out in a world of 5 billion women and didn't try to keep him in "relationship check". ... why

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    • I'm also in a world with billions of men, so it's not really the issue. I'm curious as to what "relationship check" is haha.

  • Nope if they cheat I end it why would you be with someone, if all your going to do is deny them the opportunity to cheat. You should be able to trust the person your with.

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  • I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I have to actively try to prevent the girl from cheating. That just sounds like bad times all around. I am curious about what measures exactly one would use though.

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    • Beats the hell out of me, I don't do it haha. Probably pissing and moaning when he wants to go out with single friends (that's the 'mistake' she mentioned I made all the time). He cheated with a coworker, surely I wasn't expected to keep him from work.

    • You know what your problem was? You didn't use the male chastity belt on him. Clearly a must have for any relationship.

    • Live and learn I guess lol

  • No, you can't control others...

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  • I give her my 15" cock then she goes to sleep because I ripped her apart like virgin

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  • He cheated on you because he realized you hate men. He doesn't need that kind of negativity in his life. Maybe if you actually listened to his concerns and feelings, he would not have cheated on you

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    • Damn I wished I hadn't already picked MH! Thanks buddy :)

    • you're welcome, and you probably found a guy who you can hate, use and abuse. Its probably what gets you off

  • Friend sounds like a control freak

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    • I have told her she needs to lay off on her dudes. But, she's as good at taking my advice as I am at taking hers. Different perspectives for certain.

  • You can put all the 'preventative measures' in place, but if someone wants to cheat on you, they'll cheat and there isn't a single thing you can do to stop it.

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    • Exactly, and I would rather know they're a cheater so I can end it. I don't want them to not cheat solely for lack of opportunity.

    • You don't want to come across as too controlling, I want a girlfriend not a wicked step mother.

What Girls Said 2

  • I wouldn't. I mean yeah, I'd make sure that the both of us are getting what we want out of the relationship (or at least we'd compromise), but at the end of the day, I'm his girlfriend. Not his mother. I'm not going to stop him from hanging out/calling/texting with other girls. I'm not going to stop him from going to parties, and I'm not going to force him to be with me 24/7. If he's a cheater, he'll cheat on me no matter what I do. So trying to prevent him from doing it will most likely only make him even more inspired to do it.

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  • By your friend's logic/mindset, a relationship doesn't build on trust but on control. Well, take a guess whether I agree with her or not...

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    • Really who the hell wants to babysit their bf, not I.

    • Not only that, but it's also proof that you have zero trust for him, so what's the point in being with him anyway? And in your case - well, you trusted him and he betrayed you. So now you know you're not supposed to be with him. What would have happened if you had controlled him all the time like your friend suggested? Maybe he would have never gotten the chance to even cheat, yes. But he still would have been the same kind of partner to you that he was when he did cheat on you, and you'd still be with him. So yeah, be glad you "let it happen".

    • That's pretty much how I feel exactly haha

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