Should you be attracted to someone to date?

I know it seems like a silly question, but hear me out.
There's a guy that I pretty see as a friend. I don't see myself with him any more than that. However he likes me. Other friends around know and they were trying to "influence" me to give the guy a shot. I explained I'm not attracted to him in that way--I could honestly never see myself going even close to being more than friends. But many were saying that for some people it doesn't always begin with "physical attraction" and I should at least go out on a date with him--just to see how it goes. I think it's important for me to have physical attraction.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I see attraction as being 2 sorts. 1st is physical attraction. Simple enough, you just lust after the person or want to hug them. Nice jawline, muscled physique, deep voice, tall figure, tanned body, etc. A person that makes you look twice in a crowd.

    2nd kind of attraction is emotional attraction. He satisfies your emotional needs, he's there for you when you need him, you always have so much fun together, you trust him with things and he makes you feel safe.

    Both kinds are attraction still, meaning you gravitate naturally towards them and you want to know them better. Dating usually happens when at least one of these attractions is fulfilled, i. e. he's ugly, but you like being around him, or he's hot, but he's a really bad guy. Then both of you will start dating to see if the other attraction can be developed over time.

    In your case, it seems both attractions are missing. It is not to say that it's impossible. If you've nothing to lose, it's worth a try. Understand what it means to go on a "blind" date. How does it feel like to go out with someone you don't love? What exactly is it about him you don't like, and conversely, what is it that you should be looking for in future candidates?

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    • I also think we can include attraction between friends. People are attracted to a person, whom they view as a friend, based on their likes, interests, and interactions. I should've mentioned this but he's very feminine (while some girls may not mind that, that's not what would attract me) and in my opinion it made me like him as a friend. It was almost like hanging out with one of the girls, except he's a guy. I would say if I hadn't asked my friend about him liking me and he revealed he liked me with me knowing beforehand I would've been surprised.(I know assumptions are bad, but I do believe he's going through something) That was probably the biggest turn off and made me not see him as a potential boyfriend or someone I'd be interested in dating. Also he's not ugly, but I'm not physically attracted to him sexually either.

    • To add, I just want someone I'm attracted to whether it be physical (but I think for me physical attraction is important) or emotional, as you mentioned. I also want him to exude honesty, trust, and a sense of humor. I would like someone that shares the same beliefs as I do, whether it be religious, education, and so on.(I've honestly never dated, but from this experience I've learned a little more of what I want and don't want)

    • That's really good. You seem to have a very clear idea what kind of person appeals to you, and what this particular guy lacks specifically.

      The 3rd form of attraction you mentioned, I feel a bit like it probably isn't standalone, but has partial overlap with emotional attraction. It's more like "fun". To be honest it's kinda hard for me to place it, because I'm also dealing with how to turn a friend into a girlfriend, so it'd be a lie if I said that I didn't believe "fun" was part of attraction, but at the same time through experience I know that "fun" isn't the same as "love" either. Much heartpain. :/

What Guys Said 8

  • you should and generally need to have some level of attraction to them. now often times emotional attraction can lead to greater physical attraction but even then there does typically need to be some baseline of attraction.

    physical attraction is almost necessary from an evolutionary standpoint. the more attracted to someone you are the more likely you are to engage sexual and thus pro create

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    • I agree. The biggest reason I'm not attracted, and I hope I don't sound wrong for saying this, is he's extremely flamboyant. Anyone that saw him would think he's gay (no offense to anyone). So I didn't just see him as a "friend" but he was like the "gay best friend" So this happening was like a curve ball. I envision a guy I date to have some time of assertiveness and manliness. That wasn't working for me.

  • all types of attraction count. and physical attraction comes first, usually. if you're not satisfied to start with and don't want to do anything then don't. only give it a shot if that's what you actually want to do. it is possible it could turn out to something great that you totally didn't expect but its your call.

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  • It's true we can become more or less physically attracted to someone based on their personality, obviously, but for me I want to have enough of an attraction physically too. There are a lot of other suitable people out there than to spend time in a relationship with someone you don't really want sexually. I don't think you're doing him a favor either. He'll likely be the horny guy wishing you would have sex with him more than twice a month.

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    • I couldn't even see myself sexually attracted to him. I don't want to sound wrong but he's very feminine, almost more than I am, and it's a huge turn off. I literally saw him as the "gay guy friend" so when my peers were trying to influence me to give him at least a date I though they were being ridiculous. I couldn't be on a "date" with someone I would find myself respecting. Any way, thanks for the advice!

    • "I couldn't be on a "date" with someone I would find myself respecting."

      What do you mean by that?

    • I meant respecting him or taking us being on a date seriously. I know sound wrong but I saw him like any of my other friends

  • If you don't find him physically attractive at all , and try and date, then you will gain nothing. Attraction can build but it usually takes time. Do you want to date for a year to see if attraction builds? If it doesn't then what. Are you going to stay in the relationship so you don't hurt your friend? It's a lose lose in my eyes to give it a shot.

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    • You pose a good point, and maybe I should've mentioned this but he's extremely feminine (I feel bad for saying it). I am not attracted to a guy like that in a sexual way or any way that it would lead to a serious relationship that involved dating.

    • He'll survive if you don't go on a date with him. Don't try and force something that you don't feel to make others happy.

  • No!

    In order for the dating process to go anywhere, you HAVE to be physically attracted to your partner on some level.

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  • if she has no physical attraction on me, i will not date her.

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  • I'd give him a shout. No harm in one date.

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    • I feel like that will be leading him on or giving him some type of false hope.

  • It's all about the person go on a couple dates with him once you start to like him the physical attraction will come if that's what you want although it's not the most important thing in a relationship

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    • That's the thing the physical attraction will never be there. I mentioned this in other comments that he was extremely flamboyant. Some girls may like that in a guy but I don't. I wouldn't take him seriously if we were on a real date, it would be like going out with the gay friend.

What Girls Said 3

  • You can date him/her and maybe you'll get interested later on when you get to know them and see that their personality attracts you, but if absolutely nothing attracts you to him/her, then you are destined to fail.

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  • I don't think it's a great idea.. You're just going to give the guy a whole lot of false hope (as relationships don't really go anywhere without there at least being some sort of physical attraction on both sides), which could potentially ruin the friendship as well.

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    • That's what I was saying to my friends. I asked the question because I felt that me continuing to go places with him would make him believe there was some type of potential for anything more than a friendship between us. I actually said what you said to him when he revealed that he liked me and it seemed like he wanted a valid excuse to why I wasn't interested in him.

    • You've gone about it well. He really doesn't need a definite answer - sometimes we don't know exactly why we aren't attracted to someone, we just aren't. Just keep telling him it's never going to happen (nicely ofc) and he should get the picture soon enough. Good luck!

  • Yea it should be a factor

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