Can players change if the right girl comes along?

What are your opinions on whether or not you think that a guy or girl who has been a player in the past could change and be loyal or committed to someone?

I have been talking to someone I go to school with for a while now, although we haven't seen each other yet. I know his past and he has been a player while I am The type of girl who doesn't sleep around and who takes that kind of stuff seriously. He says he has changed and matured and is interested in being with one girl, but do you think it's possible?

I told him I would give him a chance because I believe that people do change. There still is a part of me, though, that fears I may get hurt in the end and maybe he just is enjoying the chase.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • While a player can change, it won't ever be for any girl he is dating. If a player does change it is normally because they get older and lose their good looks, and simply can't be a player anymore. Or that something big happened in their life, such as having a daughter and not being able to stand the thought of men hurting her. I doubt at his young age he has experienced anything that could have caused him to grow up.

    Talking about how they have changed and matured, is a classic player line. I have known players that told me that it was a pain having to convince every girl they meet that they have changed. People should be judged based on the decisions they have made. That is the best way to understand what is in their heart. All the signs point to that he is still a player. If he hurts you, and he will, then you have yourself to blame.

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What Guys Said 16

  • No. Absolutely not. People can change slowly for complex reasons over time, but never simply for a girl. It takes some life altering experience (a near death experience that they brought on themselves, the lose of a loved one [like a parent], the birth of their child, etc.) or epiphany (and, even then, most of the time, the change is only temporarily). So yes, players can change, but not simply because the right girl came along. If it's been a couple years and he has some complex or very personal reason for changing, then yes; but, if it's simply because he says that you're so special, then no.

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  • Some players choose to settle down, but it's not because the right girl came along.

    Ultimately being a player means they have trained themselves not to be controlled by women by thinking of any woman as special. They have drilled it into themselves that they have options. So when it comes to hooking up, they view women as interchangeable.

    When guys like that settle down, and some of them do (usually because they want a family btw, so not at your age) they have specific things they are looking for, and want a relationship where they get certain needs met. If that's not happening, they're gone. They know exactly what they're looking for. It's not because of some special girl, because their whole mentality is that no girl is -special-. They will marry one they think is a good girl and good in bed and a good mother and treats them well. If she stopped being those things, they'd replace her.

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  • Of course. Maturation and life experience can certainly bring about a progressive metamorphosis. Similar in manner as some women have gone through phases of sleeping around and exploring the sexuality only to change later, so too can guys.

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  • Maybe during the honeymoon phase of your relationship. Eventually they'll get bored and start hitting on other women. Usually time is the only thing that will change a player but if he falls madly in love with you and doesn't get bored he could change.

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  • Don't expect to be able to change him you won't be able to.
    But if you are a very nice girl and he is already willing to settle down and stop playing around there might be a chance he will change anyway.

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  • Maybe. Not like they do in the movies tho.
    He could have said the same thing to every other girl.
    While people can change, it usually takes years and years, and the change isn't huge unless they go through some kind of intense experience. Other than that, nah, people don't really change.
    I have an uncle that has been the same guy since he was a teen, and he's in his 50's now.

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  • yes. and yes. a player can change. I know one friend that does that. he really loves her and I knew he had a good heart deep inner. I know him well but the other ones I know seem to lack of emotional presence, I think I can only sense it when they got the right one. actually I know 2 who found their dream girl. I can say if ur his dream 50/50 chance. if not 0

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  • Its possible may be very rare but personally I've never seen something like that happening. Players are players, they are born to play. Even if they stop playing for some time they will get back to it sooner or later. I'd say its risky for you...

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  • No one matured guy will tell that i am matured guy. some times a right girl can also change. it depends upon the player level. Anywhere take care of urself and if any changes apart of your expectation level, be strong on urself and be what u r and ready to late it lite.

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  • people can change. but i dont think so that he's saying the truth, the user AmongTheApples is saying right.

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  • When a person gets comfortable with another person the excitement goes away and the straying begins

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  • Hoe do you know when the right girl is right? He is going to play. Play. Play just move on. Does it feel right stick around

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  • Watch the movie Hitch and you tell me if players change or not.

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  • No. Some never change

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  • Can players change if the right girl comes along? Yes if you believe in fairy tales.

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  • Not really but really why should they? Players are just guys with a lot of dating options.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Let him chase you. Do not give up sex easily.

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  • he's still a player and he's running game on u now. all players will tell good girls oh I've changed. he's just saying that to make u drop ur guard. don't take him seriously

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  • i believe they can, but she's gotta b something else to bring about such a change in him.

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  • No basically they don't change because of the right girl or sth. They change because they see no light there any more.

    Some don't even change. They live and die like that.

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  • i've been into a relationship with a player and it lasted for 3 months only because he promised me to change but he didn't he was always flurting with other girls and it became like a habit so... according to my experiance i think that players wouldn't change even if the right girl comes along.

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  • Just because you don't sleep around doesn't mean he will change for you
    You are just more of a challenge

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  • I think as with the majority of answers here, I agree that a player generally won't change for a girl that comes along.
    When I met the guy i'm currently seeing, i'm pretty sure what he expected was a one night stand/booty call/brief encounter. He asked a number of times in between talking, texting/seeing him about going home with him. When i finally did and had a proper chat with him, he discovered opposite to what i appear i'd never slept with anyone etc. he initially took a step back I think to come to terms with everything, but returned. He used to be very public and sort of in the entertainment world but over the past few months he's changed and became much more private (deleted/no longer uses those profiles). I suppose you can take that as evidence of some kind of change, inspired by life, me or other who knows?
    I think he is/was a player, i'm aware of the fact that he's very flirty but at the same time, he tells me he's only been with me. He's admitted he wants a relationship with me, and I know he gets jealous if he sees me with someone else.
    I've (banterously and lightly) hinted that i'm sure he also has many women to talk to but he refutes the idea every time i bring it up. Someone below said it's annoying having to prove to every woman that they've changed so i'll stop bringing it up I think haha.
    The plot twist is that i'm a player too, i'm never short of options. Even now though we are seeing each other there is no official label so i'm dating him, but still single. He's partially aware of this (but doesn't know to what extent).
    Since then and now, i'm more aware of the fact that i'm less interested in other people (good for him) and he's also expressed to me he's less interested in other people (good for me).
    Once again referring to answers below, I wonder if I am that girl that player guys think she's good 'marriage material' etc. and that is the reason why he want's to be serious with me.
    Regardless, I hope this helps a bit and good luck.

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    • This post helped a TON. My situation is pretty much exactly how you described yours. He tells me I'm the marrying type like we joke about it all the time, and he acts differently around me than I know he has been with other girls in the past because I have been friends with him for a year and I know everything about his past. I have many options like I don't have trouble getting a guy and he has no trouble getting a girl... I'm honestly just giving it a shot and seeing where it goes with the realization that it may not work. You helped a lot so thank you! Better than people just saying "no" or "end it" lol your post was a little more hopeful.

    • Good! I'm happy I did. I have as much hope for what's happening with you as with me. We can do this haha

  • I'd call that a yellow flag - proceed with caution.

    Also, was he a player or just sexually open?

    Players are usually emotionally damaged and enjoy manipulation, but decent guys can be promiscuous and then settle down when he wants a life change/matures.

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    • That is a good point... I guess more sexually open would be the right way to put it!

    • I agree with the guys. A girl doesn't change him - he changes and then meets a girl.

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