I scare away all the guys who fancy me... I don't know how the heck to deal with men. Advice for the young & clueless por favor?

Okay, so I'm terrible with men. I've scared all of them off. Never had a relationship before. I've always been very forward and aggressive.
I'm such a go-getter & proactive, which is normally good but sucks when you're a woman in the dating scene. If I feel a guy beginning to slack off (less communication), I tend to take the reigns and put matters into my own hands. How the heck do I chill out and get the man to want me? Because it starts off great when he's coming on strong... and then roles reverse and he most often disappears altogether.

You guys are all so helpful and friendly! :) Thanks!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Relationships tend to be most intense at the beginning. Keeping things like that for too long is exhausting, and starts to come off clingy and desperate. Try not to read too much into it, when things slow down, otherwise it can drive you crazy.

    • Lol, I don't even get to the part of having a relationship... this is just like a few dates in when you're still getting to know the person. It only takes me one date to figure out if I want to date them or not. What do you mean by all that? What can I physically do?

    • If you aren't even getting to the stage of having a relationship, then it could be for a number of reasons. I would say that on common reason is that women mistake a guy being interested in the beginning, as him liking her personality. Women tend to rate a guy low, and her opinion rises over time as they date. With men it tends to be the opposite. We rate you really high to start with, so you are more likely to fall, than rise. So we can be really into a girl right off, and lose interest as we get to know her.

      You could be coming off way too strong. Some girls start talking about marriage on the 3rd date. That is just crazy. So depending on how much you are calling him, it could trigger red flags that he has seen before.

      The other possibility that I see is that you want a relationship, and some of the guys are just looking for sex. I would say that a combination of these reasons makes up a large percentage of your problems.

    • Eh I do come off really strong because I know what I want. I don't talk about marriage or wanting babies- because I don't want that- yet, but I do talk about wanting a relationship. I'm sure I've triggered all sorts of red flags.. I just don't know how to fix that.


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What Guys Said 4

  • my honest advice, just don't try to change so you can lure a guy in. just keep being yourself, be real, and keep trying and you will hit it off eventually.

    • oh so just be you? Even if it is socially not acceptable? because if I want to do anything like call, text, makeout, hangout, etc etc. I will do the whole shabam because I want to & that has had an absolute 0% success rate...

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    • awwwh. that's so sweet :) I don't come across many men that I actually do like which is why I try to hold onto them and it doesn't work out. It's just really depressing when it happens to every single guy that I like and who initially like me, you know?

    • yeah I can relate in a way to that. just keep swimming. hahaha. you'll make it to the shore.

  • maybe it's not too much about the phone calls, initiate conversations, asking to hang out etc. maybe it's the way you tell it or communicate it, nobody gets scared by that, on the contrary that's a good sign of interest, and it rocks to know someone's into you, do the same you're doing it but be more subtle. that's my advice.

    • the way I tell it or communicate it? In what way would that scare him & how do you be more subtle because I thought guys don't get hints?

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    • teased? how do you do that?

    • for example if you tell him something like "I like spending time with you" instead of "let's go out this weekend"

  • Just be yourself and your find the right guy will come along some one who you will click with

  • A strong woman deserves a strong man. not just someone wanting to play house.


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