How do I tell him that p*rn is a dealbreaker?

I know most guys watch p*rn, and I've watched it myself, but I don't think a guy should watch p*rn when he's in a relationship with me.. Most girls would tolerate that, but not me. I just feel like I have a lot of options so I don't need to compromise on things that I'm not comfortable with. I've been dating a guy for four months, we're moving in together, and I dont know if he watches p*rn or not, but if he does, then it's a dealbreaker for me, and I would leave.. I'm not going to forbid him from watching it, he can do whatever he wants, but he needs to knowt that I won't accept it.. So how and when should I tell him this? (before we move in, obviously)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The sooner you tell him its a deal breaker the better. However keep in mind by doing so you will pave way for him to lie, cheat, and be deceitful.
    I personally don't watch p*rn because it skews our image of sex and relationships. The thing is though by denying a person of their fantasies an basic instincts for sex you set yourself up for failure.

    Instead you should talk with him openly and let him know if he has the urge to watch P*rnography that he should instead talk to you about how he feels. You'll need to be open to this and exploring sexuality though

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    • Thank you kindly for most helpful.

      How have things turned out for the two of you?

What Guys Said 14

  • You don't have to break up with him. He's not actually cheating on you emotionally or literally. I'd say if you want to get your point across without such an ultimate resort, why not watch p*rn with him? Or you can just hang out with other guys and see if that makes him jealous, if he asks you to stop, then leverage that with him stopping p*rn. Something like that.

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  • I think if you want him to bring 100% of his sexual needs to you then say so. He shouldn't use p*rn over you. Most people are using p*rn most of the time because they want it when their partner doesn't.

    If he or you occasionally wants to see something for variety, watch together. That way it's supplementing your sex life bit replacing it.

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  • Well definitely get it outta the way before moving in because you don't want to be a couple that moves in but is not really together as that will really mess things over. It's be a slippery slope and possibly mess over finances.

    I think the real issue is that you'll always wonder if he's watching it when you're not around. This is something that can easily be agreed to followed by him just pulling out his phone in the bathroom and rubbing one out and you never knowing.

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  • Just tell him your feelings on it. The reality is, is that he will at some point, but discretely, especially if he has done so before. Its not about you.
    Is he allowed to masturbate at all, or do you forbid that too?
    Having standards is good. Not wanting him watching p*rn instead of making love to you is understandable. Don't start controlling, spying, locking down and dictating rules. That isn't a relationship, its having big brother rule over.
    Good luck. Sounds like when he does something you don't like he will be kicked to the curb and easily replaced since plenty of men dote attention all over you.

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  • Tell him, but realize that to him, it might be a deal breaker as well!

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  • You should tell him the sooner the better. I think he will tell you O. K hunny I will not watch p*rn, than when you are away for a while he will watch every now and than because what you ask is impossible.

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  • Yeah, you really should talk to him about it in private. If it's such a huge deal for you, I think you should have meantioned the fact way earlier though.

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  • if a girl asked me to stop watching p*rn i honestly would its not that hard to stop, i wold just tell her that she has to fullfil all my sexual needs if she wants to ban me

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  • "I'm not going to forbid him from watching it, he can do whatever he wants" part confused me.

    But yeah I would talk to him about it. To me it seems odd though, if he shows you love and care and is a passionate lover then why does it matter?

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    • I meant im not going to enforce the rule , such as put a p*rn block on his computer. he can watch it if he wants to, but if he does, i will break up with him. I don't know if this sounds superficial, but I'm used to getting a lot of male attention. when i'm in a relationship, im giving up some of that attention , like i can't just go to a bar and let random guys buy me drinks for example.. so he needs to give me the attention of all those guys combined, otherwise i start feeling trapped/claustrophobic.. his sexual focus should be on me and not other women, real or imagined.. if he doesn't appreciate me, i would leave , because i like being desired and appreciated by men, and im used to getting that. i cheated on a bf as revenge because i found p*rn on his computer and i don't want to do that again, i feel the need to get validation from other men , which leads to cheating. sorry for my english, i hope it's clear

    • This is called narcissism

    • I was looking for the word.

      Asker, his sexual focus is on you. Even when I'm head over heels in love with someone, if I don't get any sex for a while, I'm bound to look at p*rn and relieve myself, and I'm still into her just the same afterwards.

  • I don't know if I agree with it, but it's fair. As long as you tell him that in the most straightforward way possible, as soon as possible. If it were me, I would want to know right away because it might be a dealbreaker.

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  • As a guy who doesn't often watch p*rn and tries not to... good luck. Men like me are rare and I still slip up from time to time.

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  • There's no need to tell him anything, just leave. He watches p*rn like every other guy.

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  • Its going to happen it 2014 if p*rn a deal breaker ull be alone forever caz no matter what he's going to watch porn... dont be jealous of p*rn

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    • i don't know why anyone would be jealous of computer pixels? stop making assumptions.. im not jealous, i have expectations of how i want to be treated in a relationship.. he needs to treat me with love and respect , and focus his sexual attention on me. i don't think i'll be lonely. i have a lot of guys who would like to date me, so i will never settle or compromise what i want.

    • That's actually a prime example of jealousy. You're concerned with his resources not being focused on you. The ego defense has been triggered and you're now trying to justify you're decision and re-establish yourself.

What Girls Said 2

  • If you watch p*rn, our relationship isn't going to work out. p*rn is a deal breaker for me.

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  • I dont think you have anything to worry about just because if y'all move in together I dont think he'll be watching p*rn with you around. That'd be awkward.

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