Hello! So today you guys was a wake up call for me. I have a boyfriend and we live together. I work 2jobs I clean our home which is 3bed 2bath and I cook. I had conversations about him helping to clean. I pay half the bills so why can't he evenly help out around the house? Yeah he'll help out when he gets to it ! I cooked yesterday and tonight he goes you gonna feed your man...,, I instantly get mad because I'm not some 1880 woman who wants to be at his every all... What to do you guys? Thank you all do much
Most Helpful Guy
Guys like to be pampered. It has nothing with you being his mother. I understand you not liking that he doesn't help out as much as you think he should, but the words "You gonna feed your man" sounds more like he is trying to be funny, while asking you who was going to take care of dinner. At least that sounds like a joke I would make. I have actually said far worse, and had the woman laughing her ass off, but then she knows just how far out of character that is for me, and I made a point to do it in a weird voice. I think he just failed in his attempt at humor.
As far as how to get him to start helping more, I really don't know what you could do other than assign jobs to both of you, so that he has a clear idea of what you expect of him. One reason why so many guys like gender roles. We know exactly what is expected of us that way. Without them, we tend to work up to the point we feel we have done our part. If the guy is naturally messy, he may not even place a priority on some household chores, so may consider everything done, long before you consider everything done. Then the woman starts to get angry and the guy thinks she is just making him do busy work that doesn't matter, so that she can have something to complain about.
If you do get him to help out more, be careful not to criticize how he does something. Criticizing the way a man helps out around the house, is the fastest way to teach a man to stop helping. A lot of women, feel that as women they have a right to decide how housework gets done, even if the man is the one doing it. This is a mistake a lot of women make, and eventually the guys learn it is easier to be yelled at once for not doing anything, rather than getting yelled multiple times for doing the chores wrong.0