14-Year Age Gap: What Are Your Thoughts?

Andy and Alex are both genderless. Andy and Alex met online in a game and enjoyed talking to each other so much that they exchanged emails after about three months. Through these emails, they sent each other pictures of themselves to see what the other person looked like, and both found each other attractive to a certain degree. After about a month of emailing back and forth, Andy suggested that they talk using the TextMe app, which assigns random numbers to users and allows texting/calling as long as there is access to the internet. Alex agrees and they text each other using that app for hours every day. These texts are usually flirtatious from both parties, though they have discussed a variety of topics that include things they would normally keep to themselves and have thus deepened their relationship. They are beginning to move from texting to calling.
Andy believes that Alex likes them and Andy knows that they like Alex. However, Andy is uncertain whether they SHOULD like Alex. Andy is 18 while Alex is 32, almost 33. Andy knows that their family is uncomfortable with them dating anyone more than three years their senior, and Andy feels that they have a responsibility to respect their family's wishes, but at the same time, Andy wonders if their family has a responsibility to respect their happiness, no matter the age of its source. The relationship between Andy and Alex hasn't become a serious one yet, but it certainly has potential. Should Andy trust their heart and see where the relationship goes, or should they deny any possibility of it developing further right now?

Please try not to assign genders to either of these characters in your interpretations and responses, and please be as objective/without bias as you can. Thank you.

Updates:
... Crap. I thought that being anonymous would mean COMPLETELY anonymous (no age range or gender provided) -_- Sorry for my idiocy. Please try not to let my information change your perception of the scenario I laid out though.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It is your life. Your family can't live it for you. Whether or not you are going to be happy is dependent on the paths you chose for yourself. My dad married my step mom and she is about 15 years younger, although they were a bit older when they met. Anyway they have been married for over 20 years now. So I know age gaps can be overcome.

    I personally wouldn't date an older women, because past experiences have taught me, they have a hard time respecting a younger man as an equal. Women seem to make a much bigger deal about wanting a man that is their "equal" than a guy does. So in the end, them obsessing about the age difference ends up destroying the relationship. Every guy I know that has dating older women have had this same problem.

    As long as the two of you don't dwell on the age issue, it shouldn't be a problem. It may mean some additional compromises are in order, since you are in different stages of your lives, but I don't see a problem with dating them. Dating isn't the same thing as marriage. If it doesn't work out, then you just have to break up with him. At least then you know that isn't something you want to do again, and won't resent your family for standing in your way. No matter what it should be a learning experience.

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What Guys Said 3

  • If I was the father of Andy and I got wind of this, I would ask him downstairs to the living room or in front of my desk in my home office. Once he's down, I'd ask him to explain to me why he's interested, then I'd play out arguments of situations that could happen that would make a viable relationship not plausible with another who is 14 years older. If my child could prove to me rationally that he/she/xe understands fully the implications and the broad disparity of socio-economic power between the two, including the phenomenological ones, then he/she/xe would have my blessing.

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  • Go for it, but make sure you're safe and capable of escape in those situations. Dating someone much older can provide a lot of wisdom that otherwise will only be something you can understand and not feel.

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  • I only will do something like that just for fun, not for a serious relationship. Obviously I will let know my intentions to the other person and I she is okay with it lets have some fun.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Go for it. I dated a guy 13 years my senior. I would NEVER do it again haha, but every experience gone awry is a lesson in life. Nothing to lose!

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  • I think that the age gap is a little strange, I've never understood how someone that much older could like someone that young, besides relationships where one person is much younger don't tend to work out, they are in two completely different stages of life. You grew up in different generations with different values If you think there is a possibility of it working out give it a try but I wouldn't tell your family about it right away because there is no need to cause conflict when the relationship might not work out. But yes if it works out your family should respect your decision and the fact that you are happy, but don't expect them to like it.

    That was my unbiased answer, since I know that you are a girl and your age on here is 18-24 I'm assuming that you are the 18 year old girl and I'm just going to assume that the older person is a man, I think that the relationship could still work but since I'm assuming he is a man, there are things men his age are looking for that you might not be able to offer at this point in your life, and would you be afraid that in 10 years if you are still together he might go looking for someone younger than you as you start to age and look older? Just something to think about. (:

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    • If you were in your 30's and he was in his 40's I would say that it would have a much better chance of working out. I just don't think that an 18 year old can make the same connections with life that a much older person can.

  • i think andy should go for it...
    makes sure the first few meeting are in public, maybe even take a 3rd party with you for safety. see where things go, it can't hurt. besides, you never know until you try...

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