Is this a healthy attitude towards men and relationships?

I don't believe in love at first sight. I'm very rational, I love with my head, and not my heart. To me, love is a process that happens slowly. A guy has to earn my love in the same way that he has to earn my trust and respect. I don't want to over-invest myself in relationships, especially in the beginning, because I don't know what kind of guy he is, and I don't want to waste my time/energy on someone who could turn out to be a jerk. I definitely won't be putting my career, hobbies or friends before a guy that I just met, no matter how attracted I am, I have self-control. That is, I won't make him my top priority until he makes me his. And I'll only put in as much time/effort into the relationship as he puts in, nothing more, nothing less.

Updates:
*I won't be putting him before my career, hobbies or friends

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Most Helpful Guy

  • While I understand you view, sometimes life and love isn't like that. I agree that you should be smart in all situations, but love is a tricky thing, it'll sneak up on you without warning. Love at first sight can happen, but it's definitely romanticized these days. You have to be sure someone is right for you before you jump down he rabbit hole. You can feel love for someone but don't have to act upon it until you are sure they deserve it. The first few months are a dream, but when you get totally comfortable around someone, that's when you see the truth reveal. If things are good then, you might have a real thing. Only then should you consider placing your love interest right up there with your career, friends, family, and hobbies b/c. hopefully he's just as involved with all of that with you.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Whatever works for you

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  • Of course it is. Self first is certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

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  • It's a male attitude. I don't know how well that will work out for a woman who tries it.

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    • Really? What is so male about it?

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    • I never said anything about sex - I said relationships.

    • I'm not reluctant to invest in the relationship; I'll match his time and effort, but I won't go above and beyond that. Basically, he gets out what he puts in.

What Girls Said 4

  • It's a good policy to have. If you have that system in place - guys will value you more because you are not easy to get.

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  • That's fine, but I think you could be missing out on just following your heart and enjoying just being with someone, without all these conditions. Most people don't put their partners before their family or work, maybe you have a slightly different view on what a relationship is compared to most people.

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  • It's a normal thing, career oriented people do.

    Why not just friendzone them instead?

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  • I do the same thing and I feel that it's healthy and I'm comfortable with it.

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