What were we? We were just friends, or something more?

Apologies for the long post, but I'll really appreciate it if you can answer, and I'll make sure to give a best answer. Thanks.

There's this girl I went out on a date with twice. She was on a gap year from the Netherlands.

I wasn't interested in her at first, she got my attention. She seemed to be doing loads of things that showed she liked me.

For example always making an effort to sit next to me, asking for my number, texting me to see if was going to things when she already knew I was, liking years old (6/7 years old) Facebook posts, etc.

So I started to develop feelings for her. I asked her out (December), we went out a few times.
She then realised she was going to be returning home in May, so we sort of stopped dating, but remained very close. She wanted to stay for another year, but it didn't work out.

I feel like she kinda left when our relationship was just beginning, and thus I don't really know 'what we were'.
I feel like had she stayed around, we would probably have been 'together' by now.

Everyone around us thought we were together already. They could see that we liked each other. People asked if she was my girlfriend and vice versa. People still ask me now questions like; "how are you coping with your girlfriend being in another country".
Her friend told me she liked her.

I was pretty confident that all the effort was worth it, that 'we were going somewhere' (if it wasn't for her leaving), until last weekend when I asked one of her friends (not a best friend, but still close enough), if she ever talked about me.

The friend said they never really discussed it (not sure if thats true?), but she mentioned once that we were 'friends'.
I'm not sure at what stage of me knowing her, that was said.

But now I'm confused. What if she only saw me as a friend? It doesn't seem that way, but I don't know. The not knowing drives me nuts. Was all the effort I put in, was it all for nothing?
What's the point of it all?

Updates:
Anyone else? Any girls who can share their thoughts?
What do you think of the friend, is she hiding something? Should I ask more questions, and ask at what stage was the 'friend' comment was made?
Thanks!
Would really appreciate more answers! Thank you! :)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that hearing something from a friend is a little less reliable than hearing it from the person. What if she does talk about you a lot and she just talks to someone else about it? What if she really likes you, but doesn't trust her friends to keep a secret? What if she is just not in the habit of talking about who she likes? (some people are like that) You see, this is why you shouldn't worry too much about what the friend said. Friends that aren't actually involved in the romance are prone to forgetting things and not realizing what might be important. Don't let things crumble around what the friend said.

    I would base my opinion of whether or not someone liked me mostly on the things I actually see the person do, words I actually hear the person say, feelings the person actually conveyed.

    Now one final thought: perhaps she liked you, but in the back of her mind she knew she would be leaving, so she purposefully avoided letting the relationship go too far because she didn't want hearts to be broken when that time came. From what you have reported, it doesn't seem to me like she is the type of girl that would play games with you. It sounds like she just liked you, but unfortunately, she was going to have to leave and she knew it.

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    • Yeah that could be true. I actually spoke to the same friend today, and she seemed to think that she liked me, despite the 'friend' comment.

      I completely agree with your final thought. I had a feeling, in fact I knew that was the case when we didn't continue dating.
      Sad times.

    • yeah, I'm sorry dude :(

What Girls Said 4

  • You should tell her that when you guys spent time together you developed feelings for her and you really wanted to work things out and that you wish she didn't have to move back. Then ask her how she felt about you.

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    • Hmm. I've toyed with that. But if it was/is just friends, I don't want to ruin that. I don't what to make things awkward.
      But i suppose it might be the only way of knowing.

      In your opinion, what do you think it was?

    • I think that she liked you, she just referred to you guys as "friends" since so much time has passed since you guys were last together. And she probably didn't wanna refer to you guys as anything more than that in case you moved on or was already over her.

  • Do you still talk to her now that she has moved back? Are you in a situation where you could ask her what she thinks of a long distance relationship? As far as the friend is concerned I wouldn't take it to heart too much. I don't share relationship gossip with anyone but my best friend and my sister so anyone else I would say we were just "friends" until I knew the guy was 100% on board to be more. If I were you I would talk to her about it. Clearly she likes you a lot! The only thing standing in your way is the distance and if you guys would be alright with a long distance relationship. Hope everything works out!

    P. S. Maybe you could help me with my question?

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    • LDR is off the table. I would've been up for it, but I could tell her heart wasn't in it. That's why we stopped dating.

      Yeah, though they were pretty close. But yeah I suppose your right.

      Yeah, link me?

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    • Hmm, went to your question page, but there aren't any questions listed?

    • I re-posted it.. so maybe try again. Its under "What is he thinking? Does he still like me?" lol silly but I couldn't think of anything...

  • I think she definitely likes you! The distance thing is what's really keeping her trapped though. Even though you don't want to ruin the friendship by talking to her about you guys' relationship, I think it's only fair to both of you that you bring it up. She's also probably thinking about it in her head as well! As for her not mentioning you to her friends, that's super weird because we girls talk about everything. However it could also just be that she's not as close as you thought she was to that friend you asked, or maybe she didn't want to say anything because you g u should aren't really official yet. Hopefully this helps, and could you help me with my question? Ill just cop and paste here:I confessed to a guy about a month ago. He suggested we go someplace nice together, and that ended up being our first date. He also asked for my number! He showed up even though he was sick, and paid for the food. We met up at noon and parted at 5 pm, because we were able to talk and get to know each other for five hours without it ever being awks! At the end he told me we should go on more dates, and then he'll tell me his answer...:(
    We had another date about a week ago, and I treated him this time... every time we go on dates he seems to always be staring into my eyes...:)
    At the end of both dates we hugged! He even walked me all the way to the teain station, and stayed an extra forty min longer than he was supposed to and ended up being late to his friend's birthday party. we talk almost everyday, half the time he starts the conversation himself.
    What I want to know: what are the chances he'll say yes at the end? Is he leading me on? What do I do to maximize the chances of him saying yes? Lastly, its kinda "his turn" to take me out on a date, and how do I get him to do that? Atm Im just waiting... and in one week Im going to a poor country for several weeks for volunteering, so I won't be able to. see or CONTACT him for a while...:/ help:((

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  • I think she definitely likes you! The distance thing is what's really keeping her trapped though. Even though you don't want to ruin the friendship by talking to her about you guys' relationship, I think it's only fair to both of you that you bring it up. She's also probably thinking about it in her head as well! As for her not mentioning you to her friends, that's super weird because we girls talk about everything. However it could also just be that she's not as close as you thought she was to that friend you asked, or maybe she didn't want to say anything because you g u should aren't really official yet. Hopefully this helps, and could you help me with my question? Ill just cop and paste here:I confessed to a guy about a month ago. He suggested we go someplace nice together, and that ended up being our first date. He also asked for my number! He showed up even though he was sick, and paid for the food. We met up at noon and parted at 5 pm, because we were able to talk and get to know each other for five hours without it ever being awks! At the end he told me we should go on more dates, and then he'll tell me his answer...:(
    We had another date about a week ago, and I treated him this time... every time we go on dates he seems to always be staring into my eyes...:)
    At the end of both dates we hugged! He even walked me all the way to the teain station, and stayed an extra forty min longer than he was supposed to and ended up being late to his friend's birthday party. we talk almost everyday, half the time he starts the conversation himself.
    What I want to know: what are the chances he'll say yes at the end? Is he leading me on? What do I do to maximize the chances of him saying yes? Lastly, its kinda "his turn" to take me out on a date, and how do I get him to do that? Atm Im just waiting... and in one week Im going to a poor country for several weeks for volunteering, so I won't be able to. see or CONTACT him for a while...:/ help:((

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What Guys Said 2

  • Oh, I already answered it. :P

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  • Did you try to ask her straight up why the whole silence?

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    • I didn't have silence. I asked her out, straight up and she said yes.
      We were close before we went out.
      After a couple of dates, and realising she was leaving for good, things came to a natural stop. I realised she didn't want an LDR, I wasn't sure I wanted one either, and so things came to a natural conclusion, no questions asked.
      We remained close, in fact we were even closer.

      It didn't worry me then- I was confident she liked me. There was nothing to suggest she didnt.
      I just feel odd. Like I can't move on until I know 'what we were'.

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    • Appreciate it.

    • No problem.

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