Dominant submissive relationship help?

My boyfriend wants to try having a dominant submissive relationship, me being submissive. The only problem is I know nothing about that type of relationship. So I was just wondering if I could have some information about it before I agree or disagree to try it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • At best you'll have to a lot of research and online discussion, such as here. You'll have to discern what i call the 'psych-sexual' components of all this. Find out the roots of his desire and see if you resonate at all, particularly going back to your clearest, earliest memories as best you can. Example: perhaps you had a father who ruled the roost, and the merest stern glance from him would fill you with fear and maybe a shiver or two.
    Examine your past vanilla relationships, see if you were at your best when the guy was assertive. This would indicate what is a widespread form of acceptable submission on a woman's part.
    Main warning, make sure this guy of your is not seeking some 'lifestyle' or pornographic fulfillment. Then you would likely be doing it only to make him happy without ever getting a chance to learn more about him, or more importantly, about yourself.
    One thing i will say is that having researched and explored this issue for the better part of five decades (and no i'm no expert) i would advise you to periodically study it regardless of what happens between you and your boyfriend. You're likely to find it a vast and rich tapestry that is only hinted at by the tag 'Dominant and Submissive."

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What Guys Said 3

  • Likely the best place to read and learn about such relationships is FetLife. com. I recommend you create an account (a fake one, without any real info at first, so you aren't swarmed by dudes who are just there to hook up) and join the Novices and Newbies group. There are lots of posts tacked to the top that are VERY informative, and of course, you can ask your own questions too once you've read a bunch (but read/search first - most questions have been answered many times already).

    This may not be the right "fit" for you, and if, after learning and thinking, you decide it isn't, then that's okay, and your boyfriend will either need to accept you as you are, or end the relationship. But if it turns out that you ARE interested in pursuing a D/s relationship, FetLife is probably the best resource for learning, communicating with others, and even meeting like-minded folks in your area. Almost every area has a "Munch", which is a get-together, usually at a restaurant (hence the "Munch") of local BDSM/Kink-minded folks in a safe, "vanilla" environment where you can meet local people in person without having to do so one-on-one. Couples are welcome, of course. These groups tend to be very friendly and welcoming of newbies, and are another good resource to get your questions answered.

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  • Very very toxic. Get out of that sort of dominance, I wouldn't do it. It's way too old fashioned.

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  • Oxymoron, if he really wanted that type of relationship he wouldn't ask you. lol

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What Girls Said 5

  • Well think about how it is in sex when he is dominant and you are submissive. He bosses you and around and takes control and you do whatever he gets you to do pretty much. It can be really sexy in bed but think about how old that is going to get in your everyday life. He wants you to go do the dishes so you are going to do the dishes. He wants a beer and some food you are going to go get that for him. He feels like sex but you don't well you are having it anyway. I wouldn't do it.

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  • Recipe for a domestic violent relationship.

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  • Um ya doesn't sound like a healthy relationship... decide what you want and don't let him decide... I was in something like that and I didn't like it, it was scary.. it was all about him and he would hit me during sex. Also e would yell if I didn't do what he wanted... It just isn't nice.. Most Guys do that because they see it on porn.. However, you guys should be able to talk about everything.. A relationship should be equal. Please understand what you are getting into..

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  • It's the healthiest, most harmonious and the most fulfilling relationship two people can form. If the guy knows how to take care of you while he leads, you'll be the happiest girl you know and incredibly attracted to him.
    A guy who wants to lead and CAN lead is more valuable than anyone else you'll find in life.

    Don't listen to feminism influenced retards around here. They've never seen how beautiful relationships can really be when functionally formed. They're all Westerners who think gender roles are evil because they've been conditioned to associate them with abuse thanks to feminist propaganda.

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    • To the opinion owner... I am a Westerner, and certainly a retard, but i mostly ignore feminists. I've done a little domming along the road, but not claiming to have been very good at it. My most successful forays have come about through friendship where i introduce the concept mildly, and then gradually increase the dialogue, all the while punctuating it the question, "does this make sense thus far?" In those cases where i see the door coming down, no matter at what stage, i simply say, well that's just me and i certainly don't expect everyone to go along with it.
      My question to you is this... it seems from your expression that you've had some experience somewhere. Any general tips as to what resonates with women? Keep in mind that i'm 57, so a lot of this is going to be hypothetical... thanks.

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    • Or put in one sentence: You need to know exactly what you want in a relationship you form, when you want it and you need to know how to get it.

    • Thanks. I'll probably peruse your suggestions many times, if for no other reason than simply to learn. I will say that what you describe might actually fit the somewhat lost art of truly creating the ideal marriage, or partnership at least.

  • look up BDSM and then think if you really want that

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