Why is it that every guy I meet wonders why I'm single and have been treated badly by guys, but they always end up doing the same thing? What to do?

I'm used to the pattern where I meet a guy, he seems better than the last and seems like he's real and doesn't play games, but he always ends up treating me like garbage after a short time.

How can I break this cycle? I'm ready to have a relationship, but I'm sick of EVERY guy playing games.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It could be a number of different things. Without knowing anything about you, or your relationships I can only make some wild guesses.

    It could be the type of guy you are attracted to. For example going after guys with tons of confidence, or otherwise known as a narcissist. Or you may like the way players talk to you, and don't understand that the only types of guys that talk like that, are players that are just saying what women want to hear.

    It could be that you unknowingly train these guys to treat you like that. If you haven't been in a healthy relationship, you may keep starting fights, thinking it is normal, when in fact it could be driving the guy to act in ways he really doesn't want to act in order to deal with you.

    You could have some type of princess complex, and be mistreating him, or expecting too much out of him. This could lead to resentment.

    Your boredom may be causing you to start a lot of unnecessary drama in order to entertain yourself. If you don't have a hobby then this is a strong possibility. I have noticed when a woman says she is too busy to have a hobby, she is always acting crazy and starting drama.

    It could be that they start not to like you as they get to know you, and instead of ending it quickly drags it out longer than they should. People often won't even realize how miserable they are with their partner until it has been a while. Somehow it just kinda creeps up on us, and we are treating them poorly, without even realizing we don't like them.

    It could also be that a lot of people are just terrible excuses for human beings. We all encounter our fair share of these people. Maybe you have just been really unlucky.

    I would do some self reflecting and see if you notice any behavior on your part that may be attracting you to a certain type of guy, or if you are treating the guy in a way, that might cause him to react this way.

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    • Honestly, I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. I think it's most likely that these guys aren't straightforward if they somehow lose interest in me after they say I'm the nicest, sweetest, etc. woman they've met in a long time. A lot of them claimed to have had bad experiences in relationships too, but think I'm different, then things seem fine for a while. A couple of my friends (guys and girls) even told me they think I'm just too nice and give too many chances, etc. There's never really been any drama with guys. They just start pushing me away in different ways, then cut contact. That's the general pattern.

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    • I guess the old saying, "Treat others the way you want to be treated," doesn't always apply to dating then. Thanks for the tip. I guess everyone, even the nice guys/girls, have things to work on. :/

    • Treating others the way you want to be treated, is a good way to get stepped on. Instead we should start treating others as they treat us, this forces them to be nicer, if they want us to be nicer.

What Guys Said 6

  • If a guy knows that you're a vulnerable person then he'll take advantage of that. You keep dating the same people because you keep making the same mistake by telling the guys about your past relationships. Once they know how to get in your head they will and when they're done with you, they'll toss you aside. With the next guy you meet, don't reveal anything to him. Just wait and see if he's deserving of your inner self.

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    • That makes sense, but how can I avoid talking about it completely? Some guys tell me about their past relationship/dating problems, so what am I supposed to say when they ask about mine?

  • OKay, This is my specialty! What I do is I fall back on my interest. Call it a niche. Hold conversations with them or meet them for activities and challenge their ability to compete and think. I often find people I meet unintentionally tell me all sorts of things about themselves when I get them very passionate about topics. This allows me to map out their beliefs and what kind of persons they are. That's also why I've been single for years!

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  • You seem to be attracting the wrong kinds of guys. Do a self examination, and ask yourself what attracts you to guys, and what type you usually go for. Girls in your situation and age range tend to be too picky, or look for the wrong qualities in a guy, or qualities that are trivial in the long run. There could be a good guy waiting for you to notice him!

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    • I've really tried to sit back and think about that, actually. But I'm really not that picky. At the bare minimum, I just want someone who will treat me with respect, be faithful, and who is doing something worthwhile with his life, whether it's working, going to school, etc. That's not picky. All other things I can deal with. But I can't even get those basic things that everyone looks for.

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    • I don't go to bars. I know it's a dumb idea. I don't think online dating is the best place, but I also don't think it's as bad as most people think. There have been a few guys I met on there and went out with who were really nice, but we just didn't click as well in person. That wasn't anyone's fault. I'm willing to put in the work to find the good guys. I just don't know what kinds of places to go.

    • I don't know what kind of area you live in, rural or urban, so I can't quite say. Try going to new and unfamiliar places! :D

  • Pursue your own goals and dreams alone. Build up your self confidence and in time you will reflect different and bring about a more attractive result.

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  • Don't meet guys at the bar and be hesitant when a guy approaches you if you haven't given him any indication that you might like him. You might have better luck with a shy guy that notices you but is afraid to approach unless you smile at him.

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  • Look for different quality's when dating since ones your using is not working

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What Girls Said 2

  • Be careful who you reveal your pain to some guys will take advantage of you and do the same thing and the fact that it keeps on happening shows that you have not learned from your mistakes either. Even though you keep being hurt, its not who you attract its what you accept from a man. You need to use better judgment when choosing men, perhaps broaden your perspective, realize the pattern and break it.

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  • I think we are soul sisters. I keep finding myself in the same rut. I just got out of a relationship with a guy who I thought was better than all the rest, and his parting words just showed me other wise. I think taking a break from searching for 'Mr. Right' would be helpful, and soon he will find you.

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