Am I settling with this new girl?

I'll try to shorten this as much as possible.

Met and fell in unrequited love with one of my best friends, girl 1 (G1) from July 2013 to March 2014. She broke my heart three times. I ended the friendship in March, haven't seen her since. In Nov 2013, I went G1's play by myself and met G2. She was super sweet, we exchanged numbers. From then to April 2014, there was very little contact between me and G2 because her mom didn't like our age difference (she was turning 17, I am now 20).

It took me a while to move on from G1. G2 started talking to me again a few weeks after G1. She turned out to be wonderful. There was mutual attraction toward each other. It was dificult to get together because her mom still disapproved. A few weeks ago, G2 said her mom still disapproves when we were trying to set a date. She said she'll talk to her mom and try to let her see me. G2 texts me apologizing profusely that her mom isn't budging and a relationship together just unfortunately isn't possible. I was really disappointed. That was this week.

At work, while still liking G2, I met G3. She is really nice, yet I didn't feel that immediate spark like I had with G1 and G2 (although G2 was less compared to G1. After G1, I felt more cautious)

G3 asked if I was seeing anyone, and at that time (few weeks ago), I was speaking to G2. I said that "Nothing was official at all, but I am kind of talking to someone". G3 and I are friends, She texts me every night. We're going to the movies next week.

At the movies, I'll tell G3 that I'm not speaking to G2 now, and if she wants to date, I'm willing. But I want to take it slow since we're coworkers. But am I settling for her? I don't know her well and didn't feel that immediate spark I had with G1 or G2. Might be because I don't know her that well yet, right? That has to be it. She *is* really nice. Beautiful too. Maybe I just need to get to know her to feel invested

But how do I tell her that I"m not seeing G2 anymore? Bluntly?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Chemistry and spark is important, and often unexplainable. I've had it with guys less physically attractive than others. I will say that, for me, a spark can develop if there's at least some attraction to start with. But I'm speaking as a woman. Men are often quicker to know these things I think.

    Go to the movies and see how you feel after. I also don't know that you need to bring up G2. If you're going on a date, she already assumes it's not too serious with her. Especially since you're not even sure if you like G3 yet, I'd wait for her to bring it up and then let her know.

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    • The "spark" was what I was worried about. With G1, I fell completely head over heels when I first met her. But when that ended, I was devastated. When I met G2, I felt that chemistry, but granted it wasn't as strong. When G2 and I said goodbye this week, it sucks, but not as bad as before with G1. Now with G3, less of a spark. That's why I asked this question; I wasn't sure if it was because I didn't know her, or I've just become more... emotionally jaded since G1 crushed me. More cautious, and less willing to get invested/ emotionally attached.

      But you think I should wait for her to ask? Reason I think I should is because last week, she randomly texts me asking if I'm "Still speaking to the other girl". I said yes, because at that time I was. Now I'm not. And she said that if I ever want more than friendship, let me know. But then she immediately said that it was her friend who sent that, not her. I didn't believe that for a second when she sent that, but I played it off as I did.

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    • I only mentioned lust because you said you fell for her the moment you saw her. You couldn't possibly know about her yet, so that told me that attraction and chemistry was pushing you through. That doesn't mean you didn't develop real feelings for her as things went on.

      And I would wait until you've decided if you want to see her again after the movie and then let her know. If you let her know prior, she'll think you're into her, and if you're not, that'll be hurtful.

    • Okay, I see why you said that. But I should have mentioned, G1 was a childhood classmate. We went to elementary school together for a few years (acquaintances), and didn't see each other until that "reunion" ten years later. But I had a feeling. After I talked with her for a few hours, *then* I was just head over heels. It just escalated from there. The first "feeling" I had seeing her wasn't "I want to sleep with her", although that was a part of it, naturally. The big feeling I had was unique almost. It was like "I *need* to know who that is. There is something special about her".

      And alright, I'll wait to see how the movies go.

What Girls Said 1

  • I mean, you don't know her well enough to write her off. Hang out with her more and see where it goes.

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    • Makes sense. That's what I plan. Although I find it a bit odd she's a coworker. I like privacy, and that means that if a relationship forms, I get the feeling it will be basically public knowledge. I don't like that. But hell, there's no guarantee of that. Plus, this job is temporary anyway; just a part time job for the next few years to get money for college until I can get a job/internship relating to my degree.

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    • Thank you very much!

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