I am so done with this whole nice guy thing?

I am officially sick and tired of this. I'm tired of girls and their crap, it's infuriating. I'm 16 right now, and I know what you're thinking "blah blah, he's just a dumb kid, blah blah" but, you know what, literally everyone I know either is in a relationship, or has had one, but not me, of course. I try to be kind, and I have some stupid urge to help people, so, I'm naturally kind to girls (generally extending to all people, though) and no, it's not because I expect a date out of it, I just can't help it, I just like helping people, and especially if I care about someone, if I like a girl, why would I treat her badly, that makes no sense. But, I see guys that basically treat girls like nothing more than sex tools constantly getting relationships and girls. I mean, I have a friend, her boyfriend straight up cheated on her, and next week, they're together as if nothing happened, what? I mean, I desperately try to be a good person, because it's the right thing to do, but I do have a bad side, the anger in me is very strong, I try to ignore it and banish it away, but the more I get rejected, the more I lose hope, the more powerful that anger gets. Should I just let it loose, let that side of me, the bad side, take over? Start acting like a vicious arrogant dick? Is that really the answer? And don't say "you'll find a girl" or "nice guys get the girls in the end" what a joke, why, if I'm young and attractive now, would I look forward to finally getting girls when they're pushing 40 and have no other options, if anything that just makes me angrier. I am so much more than most of those other guys, they're nothing, they're worthless, and, this feeling isn't me, it feels wrong, I shouldn't think like this about other people, I didn't used to, but I've grown so bitter over time, I try not to, but more and more I grow to generally dislike females for all their crap, I go as far as hate all of them at times, but I shouldn't, I'm supposed to like everyone. Please help.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1. Teens are stupid. I'm sorry, but they really are. Plenty of girls in their teens don't know what they want, and they end up going for the wrong guys. But on the flip side, there are also plenty of girls who truly do want a guy who isn't a douche bag.
    2. Be a good person, yeah. Don't be a doormat.
    3. Make your intentions known. If you want to date a girl, flirt with her. Ask her out. Don't wait for things to just magically happen or unfold. If you want something to happen, then make it happen.
    4. Rejection is a part of life. Everyone experiences rejection. Learn how to deal with it without taking it too personally.
    5. If you do decide to become a douchebag, then you need to understand this: none of the girls who matter will take you seriously and like you.
    6. Don't be angry or bitter. We can tell when someone is angry and bitter, even if you think you're hiding it well. It's a turn off.
    7. You're thinking that those other guys are nothing compared to you because you're jealous, and because you're doing a poor attempt at keeping your ego intact.
    8. You're 16. You literally have your entire life ahead of you. Stop worrying so goddamn much.
    9. Hating on people won't do any good. It won't make you succeed. It won't make you feel better. Stop it.

    You're welcome.

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What Girls Said 12

  • I hate how most people are going to say that they do like nice guys, but that's not the real world. We just want someone who is compatible with ourselves as much as the next guy. Some girls don't see that they're being objectified as you see it. Sixteen is a rough age, I know, maybe take a small break from looking for a girl and hang out with some friends. You're sixteen, you have a good amount of years left until you actually have to worry about settling down. So, for now, take a break from getting your heartbroken and relax, who knows, a nice girl who is compatible for you may come when you're not looking for her.

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  • I hate to say this, but I think it's just your age group. Young girls may stay with a guy who mistreats and cheats on her because she lacks confidence or is insecure-- she rather be with a guy than not with one. Thankfully, we all grow up and mature. I can say, as a high schooler I would have loved to find a guy who sounds like you. I pretty much refrained from dating all together back then---but I was also very shy. Regardless, you should stay you. Hard to believe now, but there is a girl who will appreciate and admire you just as you are. Besides, you say you love helping others, so most likely you'll end up working in a job field that displays your heroic desires, i. e policeman, firefighter, doctor, etc. and what women doesn't love a man in uniform? Lol!

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  • There's lots of nice girls dealing with the same thing. However, I will tell you the same thing I tell them.

    "Just turn into a bitch"

    For some reason, humans want to have sex with "bad" people.

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  • This is pretty normal i gotta admit :( Many girls are like this but yeah all girls isn't the same. Its sweer that you are kind etc BUT if you are too kind then we will just think of you as a friend :I

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  • Are you like the weird kid in class? Im asking this to give advice not to offend

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    • Actually, no, I'm quite popular and have many male and female friends, I'm a bit of a joker too.

    • Well thats weird. Maybe you're going after the wrong girls? Like maybe they're in a relationship or they're crushing on someine else. And maybe you're actually being TOO nice to the point where they think you're weak and ger turned off by that. by the way it does sound like you're nice to get a reward.

  • Be nice to yourself first. It's really important.

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  • I get this. You are 16 and still in high school. No offense to any high schoolers here, but people are crazy. Heck, people are crazy as adults. But, let me get to actual advice.

    I think these girls are immature. The whole thing with immaturity is that they don't know the difference between what is good and what is bad. This contributes to low standards for themselves. They see that all of the guys that are rated high on the social scale generally get girls. These girls then consider themselves lucky to be with this guy after they cheat on somebody in hopes that they can "break through their tough exterior to find the sweet, gentle guy within", or something to that tune.

    Trust me, you will see this throughout life. I think people don't recognize the good in somebody when they see it, which does suck. With that said, I personally don't think you should change. In fact, I would recommend against it. Why change who you are for some stupid girl? Why not find one that is deserving of your awesomeness as a nice guy?

    I know this is a long response, and hopefully you've gotten this far. Anyway, last thing. I understand where you are coming from. Yeah, it seems like this now, but girls do mature over time, as do boys. It seems like you are ahead of the game on that. That will serve well in life in the future. For now, accept that high school is a stupid, crazy, hormonal-driven place. Or, "horror-mone" driven place as I like to call it. Good luck! I really hope you find a girl that is mature as you when it comes to your ideas and way of life. Just keep at it.

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  • As expected, you got a lot of answers - especially from girls - that essentially say the same thing: "Girls DO like nice guys; keep doing what you're doing and eventually your persistence will pay off".

    Well here I am, a girl, who says that their rainbow unicorn fantasy will not work. Or rather, it does work, but not the way you might think it does. It requires a different mindset than you have now.

    You are very anxious about doing the "right" thing, about doing what you are "supposed" to do. Everywhere, people will tell you that the "right" thing to do is to give away what you have, your wealth, your time, your kindness to other people, because those other people want/need what you have and you should feel guilty for having what you have and being who you are. Need has become the highest virtue and self-esteem the worst vice, but they should be reversed. People try so hard to avoid offending others, to earn love... at the expense of their own opinions, of their own needs, of their own values, of their self-love.

    I disagree with their philosophy, not only because it's wrong but because it doesn't work. Love is the most profoundly selfish of all acts. Yet it requires courageous action that looks like selflessness. Read Ayn Rand's theory of love, but compare it to C. S. Lewis'. Rand will be most helpful to you now, but realize that she overlooked the last piece of the philosophical puzzle that Lewis discovered and articulates beautifully.

    Sabotaging yourself, your values or your self esteem, does NOT make you a good person. Being vicious and arrogant likewise will not make you a good person or a successful one. You must build your values from the inside out. There is a balance between selfishness/practicality, and kindness/empathy. ("Only a Sith deals in absolutes"). Find it, and you will be successful and happy... not in acquiring just some woman, but with an ideal woman who is your mirror, who deserves and demands your love and likewise adores you.

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    • Thank you, this is the first real piece of advice I've gotten, most of the time it never gets to the point, why I'm so messed up with how I view morality and what I should do. You're right, in my mind, the right thing is either a complete disregard for myself and my wants and ideals, or the other extreme. Also, Star Wars reference, nice.

  • You need to talk to a therapist. You seem to think just because someone is nice they'll going to get a girl. Any one could tell you that's not true. You're not entitled, you need to change your attitude

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  • Nice guys get gals. Passive aggressive ones don't. You've gotta get out there, flirt, be attractive as you can and look for a girl who is as nice as you are to be your match.

    The nice guys who get no play hope that being a decent human magically makes them attractive to the best looking people they know (and usually, it's only a few at that).

    Look for good girls, use your jokes, be fun. Get in shape if you need to, expand your social circle, talk to more girls.

    A lot of the nicest people do find each other and have positive, healthy relationships.

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    • I know, I just don't know how to flirt, first off (I think I may be emotionally unstable, so I don't really form too many emotional attachments, since I haven't had too many good interactions with people, I'm not good at things like flirting). My problem is, I can either seem very kind and caring, or very cold and detached. I don't like the latter, because I either choose to be a loner, or become vicious.

    • Maybe you need to build some inner strength so your feelings aren't so dependent on others. Emotional problems, even when hidden beneath the surface, really harm your love life. I have this problem myself. Start working on these issues now, rather than avoiding them. Some self help books or a professional therapist could be helpful.

  • Continue being nice.
    But also be confident and flirty with the girl you like!

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  • Don't compare yourself with your friends who are in a relationship bc they relationship won't last longer. Actually, they are the desperate ones, dating after knowing your guy cheated on you? WTH
    Honestly, you being nice wouldn't get you a girl. Being nice is humanity. To get a girl, you have to like her first. Without feeling, you will never get a proper relationship.

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    • This was less about being nice, and more about, not being able to get a girl without changing who I am. I like myself, I think I'm attractive, this was all I could think of.

What Guys Said 11

  • bruh! vent it! but honestly you're doing perfectly fine hahaa. im only dating girls but fuck no i dont have a GF right now:P and all my friends envy the fuck out of me! my life is fucking awesome dude and i dont think it would have gotten this awesome if i became anchored to a girl. enjoy the single life man cause once you experience a relationship you can never experience the single life like you did before. so just dont give a fuck man! keep being yourself! just live on! life is too beautiful to be worrying about stupid girls know what im sayin? hahaa. you sound like a chill dude. when you become awesome like me you'll know how awesome truly fucking feels like! xD

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  • There's nothing entirely wrong with what you're doing. You're just doing too much of A and not enough of B. I think you need to be a little less nice and a little more selfish. Tease girls, be a little mean to them, don't always be available at their beck-and-call, take what you want, push your agenda, act like you can either take her or leave her without a second thought, make her laugh, also be there for her and know how to make her feel special/heard/etc. If you can combine all these different attributes you'll be swimming in a sea of panties.

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    • That sounds hard, I mean, I'm more than nice, I'm interesting, fun to be around, I just don't know how to "make things known" I don't know how to flirt, and, I have some emotional issues (I feel emotions very intensely, so I prefer to be more detached). So, how do you do all the stuff you mentioned, like flirting?

    • What sort of emotional issues?
      To flirt, just tease her, gently push her, start fake fights, tickle her, give her nicknames, turn the conversation slightly sexual but don't make it obvious, ask her to do things with you, make her laugh, keep eye contact but no in a creepy way, smile/smirk at her. I'm sure there's more, just google some stuff. There's some PUA shit out there on flirting that's not half bad.

    • Oh, that doesn't sound too hard. The thing when I said I have emotional issues, I rarely feel neutral emotions, I usually feel things on the extreme end of the scale, so, I feel most things very intensely. This causes me to have some major issues with things like rejection, criticism, and abandonment. I also get worried to get attached to people because I feel love very very intensely. Also, I'm usually somewhat paranoid, I think if I start flirting, they'd catch on and immediately reject me.

  • Jealousy and bitterness are a dead end street.

    But if giving up on girls is what you want to do, and it will make you happy. Do it.

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    • I don't want to give up, I just want to know how to get girls.

  • Does that angry side have a playground to release its excessive energy? Sports, running, video games, music, art, etc.

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    • Art and video games, that's about it, but, I get so scary (atleast to myself) when I just let my anger out that I try to suppress it.

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    • How can I tame it, the things I say, think, and do when I'm angry, they're not good, and I don't want to end up getting out of control.

    • You must be able to reflect. As you get upset a part of your mind must take a step back and observe the source of your angry and your reaction. Seize control of your reaction. Don't let others control the way you react. Breath. Ask yourself is get upset at this for more than a few second worth my time and energy (remember time is a valuable and priceless resource)? Most of the time the answer is no. When worse comes to worse just excuse yourself from the situation and go somewhere where you can think alone. Eventually learn how to visit the calmest corner of your mind rather than physically removing yourself from the situation.

  • Hahahha ur best bet is to treat her like garbage and u will win her heart for sure.
    Im sure u have heard of this before right?
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xfeys7Jfnx8

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  • when you get to my age you say that.. wait awhile... see how people are.. dont turn out to be like that now.. wait until your older!

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  • You can still be a good person but have a backbone.

    The idea is: your opinion matters not the other guys' or even a female's, especially if you're just.

    Just need some confidence to pull it off, however you can get it.

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  • Me too, I hate being nice to a woman purely to get into her panties and I hate women who realize this fine piece of deception and play me at my own game. Damn those women, damn them all, I'm gonna be a Pro player #1 in the World. *laughs*

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    • Nah I feel you bro. Just keep being you, change for no one only yourself, but don't become a player. That shit is just whack bro, trust me you'll find someone. You're young, you're 16, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Live it well and God bless.

  • You're learning that being nice doesn't get women turn on. That's good, because it's true.

    Don't sacrifice being attractive for likability.

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    • So, what should I do? I want to be happy, but I want to be true to who I am as well.

    • That's the problem. You can change who you are to be what women find attractive, but it's then inorganic, it's no longer authentically you. I'm not exactly sure how to achieve both goals simultaneously.

  • You are 16, stop complaining you idiot. I am 24 and never even kissed a girl, so don't think you have problems.

    Look I know how feel. Take your age and add 8 years.

    The problem with being a good person is, that good and bad are derived from God vs Satan. And if you want to serve God you have to accept suffering in this world.

    If you think Satan is better, think again. Feminism, the main reason for women's immorality, was funded by the Rockafella Clan. They are members of illuminati and/or freemason who serve Satan.

    Let me explain how it was before the 1960s.

    The order was this: As God is father and the church on earth the mother, so is the husband the head of the household and as the church obeys God's will so must the woman obey her husband.

    Then feminism came.

    As Satan wants to be higher than God, so must be the woman higher than the man.

    You have the following choices:
    A) Serve God more, pray confess, become a holy man and hope for his kingdom
    B) Kill yourself and/or become another Elliot Rodgers
    C) Stop being a nice guy and abuse as many women as you can.
    (If you are not tall, and handsome, good luck with that.)
    D) Leave society and try to survive in the wild as long as you can.

    This is the age of women, but it is artificial. If the media would stop pumping sex in our faces at every corner, it would change very quickly.

    Don't make the same mistake I made, I studied computer science, which resulted in zero women.
    Go to college and study business or photography. Better both.
    photography==hot chicks
    business==money

    Now I am sexually frustrated and pray to God everyday.

    Eventually I will snap, then I will study biotech and medicine, and create a killer virus. But before I release it I will let the one girl who broke my heart, know that she could have stopped it.

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    • You are a lunatic. Get help.

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    • On behalf of the one girl and any other girl who has been unkind to you - I'm sorry for the pain our gender has caused you. I can very much empathize with where you're coming from. However, I must tell you that there is a fatal error in your thinking. The sin of Satan was jealousy that turned to vengeance. Wouldn't that also be your mistake if you snap? Haven't you already made that mistake, merely by imagining it? Remember Matthew 5:21-22. God is not a genie who pours out wishes if you pray just right. He is God. Would a parent give a child candy for dinner, simply because the child cried for it all evening? Not if the parent loved the child. Pain and disappointment are things to grow beyond, to mature above. Once you say to God, "Thy will be done", rather than "I'll do what you want if you give me what I want", then you will be Christian. Then, you will be mature enough to handle the blessings you demand now.

    • @ Opinion Owner - If you sincerely believe this crap you're spewing. You seriously need some psychiatric help. Some medication might not hurt either.

  • Girls please help this guy, don't ignore, I totally understand him

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